Why do movies based on the Bible usually suck?

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06 Jan 2012, 9:14 am

I've been looking, and the only Jonah movie I could find was this one:

Was that other one just someone's class project for Photoshop?

pandabear
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06 Jan 2012, 9:31 am

Okay, I've solved the mystery

http://www.kxmode.com/

Quote:

jonah
If the Bible book of Jonah was made into a film, see what the movie poster might look like. If you've never read Jonah, you should. It's action-packed! Plus, it has a happy ending.

Nice photoshop work, kxmode!

Vexcalibur
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06 Jan 2012, 9:41 am

We need a film adaptation of the Brick Testament.

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JakobVirgil
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06 Jan 2012, 9:48 am

snapcap wrote:

Why do most Kung Fu movies suck?

take it back :lol:

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JakobVirgil
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06 Jan 2012, 9:54 am

snapcap wrote:

Is there a difference in quality between movies based on the Torah and the Bible?

Torah movies rock. Ten commandment, Samson and Delilah,
Xtian Movies suck cause preachy movies suck.

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ruveyn
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06 Jan 2012, 12:07 pm

JakobVirgil wrote:

snapcap wrote:

Is there a difference in quality between movies based on the Torah and the Bible?

Torah movies rock. Ten commandment, Samson and Delilah,
Xtian Movies suck cause preachy movies suck.

Don't forget David and Bat'Shevah. Lust on the Rooftop.

"Your faith was strong, but you need proof
you saw her bathing on the roof,
here beauty and the moonlight overthrew you....
She tied you to her kitchen chair
She broke your throne, she cut your hair
and from you lips she drew the Hallelulya!....
" From Hallelulya by Leonard Cohen

And of course Tamar raped by her half brother Amnon, Sam 13: 1-22. That sort of stuff happens in New Jersey every day of the week. David and his dysfunctional family would make a great night time soap opera.

ruveyn

snapcap
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06 Jan 2012, 1:37 pm

Could movies like Armageddon or 2012 be considered Bible movies?

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Robdemanc
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06 Jan 2012, 2:08 pm

They suck because the stories they are based on are too unbelievable.

kxmode
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06 Jan 2012, 3:28 pm

pandabear wrote:

Okay, I've solved the mystery

http://www.kxmode.com/

Quote:

jonah
If the Bible book of Jonah was made into a film, see what the movie poster might look like. If you've never read Jonah, you should. It's action-packed! Plus, it has a happy ending.

Nice photoshop work, kxmode!

Thank you. I didn't want to say anything. I figured you would have more satisfaction if you discovered the truth yourself. The poster contains hidden clues. Tell me if you can find them. Have fun!

I recommend viewing the full sized poster here http://kxmode.deviantart.com/#/d365a7z

pandabear
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06 Jan 2012, 7:55 pm

kxmode wrote:

The poster contains hidden clues. Tell me if you can find them. Have fun!

The website that was referenced on the poster and that didn't exist, plus the production company that was mentioned on the poster and that didn't exist, on top of the fact that no information could be found about the movie anywhere on the internet, did arouse suspicions.

Asp-Z
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06 Jan 2012, 8:03 pm

I don't know, I found Monty Python's Life of Brian quite good actually

raisedbyignorance
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06 Jan 2012, 8:05 pm

The Prince of Egypt is everything a Bible film should be: epic, entertaining, and inspiring. Who would've thought an animated Bible film would do that?

Fnord
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06 Jan 2012, 8:14 pm

raisedbyignorance wrote:

The Prince of Egypt is everything a Bible film should be: epic, entertaining, and inspiring. Who would've thought an animated Bible film would do that?

Who would have ever thought that the Bible was so readily adaptable to cartoons?

ruveyn
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06 Jan 2012, 8:20 pm

Fnord wrote:

raisedbyignorance wrote:

The Prince of Egypt is everything a Bible film should be: epic, entertaining, and inspiring. Who would've thought an animated Bible film would do that?

Who would have ever thought that the Bible was so readily adaptable to cartoons?

Not cartoons. Animation.

ruveyn

shrox
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06 Jan 2012, 8:20 pm

Fnord wrote:

androbot2084 wrote:

Even if you think the bible sucks a lot of film makers draw their inspiration from bible stories.

Do you think that George Lucas owes Matthew, Mark, Luke, or John any royalties for the Star Wars franchise?

Personally, I doubt it.

Lucas owes royalties to their estates...

androbot2084
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06 Jan 2012, 8:27 pm

Ronald Reagan's interpretation of Star Wars was nuclear Armageddon.

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