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Tequila
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06 Oct 2013, 3:03 pm

Jono wrote:
Now, have you given much further thought to my question. I mentioned that because I thought it would sort of fall into the same category.


I don't know what you would call the other scenario but it's analogous to rape/sexual assault/non-consensual sex, I would have thought.

There was a case in Britain a few years back where a teenage girl was arrested, charged and prosecuted for rape because she helped a gang of lads rape a woman, even though she didn't physically carry out any penetrative sex.



Jono
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06 Oct 2013, 3:28 pm

Tequila wrote:
Jono wrote:
Now, have you given much further thought to my question. I mentioned that because I thought it would sort of fall into the same category.


I don't know what you would call the other scenario but it's analogous to rape/sexual assault/non-consensual sex, I would have thought.

There was a case in Britain a few years back where a teenage girl was arrested, charged and prosecuted for rape because she helped a gang of lads rape a woman, even though she didn't physically carry out any penetrative sex.


Maybe you misunderstood, that's not the kind of thing I'm talking abutting about. The scenario I was thinking about was thinking of was if a guy (or a girl), decides to have sex because their friends were teasing them about being a virgin, but otherwise the sex was still consensual between the parties involved. So for example, the girl does consent to have sex with the guy but the guy only consents to have sex with the girl because he was being teased for "being a virgin" in her absence. I would of thought that that would of been a case of someone coercing themselves into sex even though it's to become popular with their "friends".

I was not talking about instances of "compelled rape" or "rape by proxy", where someone is made to rape someone else by a third party, which I believe is the case that you're referring to.



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06 Oct 2013, 11:44 pm

How can a person coerce him or herself into anything? Maybe he or she isn't entirely of one mind about it, but that's not the same as self-coercion.



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06 Oct 2013, 11:50 pm

LKL wrote:
How can a person coerce him or herself into anything? Maybe he or she isn't entirely of one mind about it, but that's not the same as self-coercion.


I wouldn't call it self-coersion so much s forcing yourself to do something that you don't really want to do.



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07 Oct 2013, 1:13 am

Are you showing signs of that on the outside, or not? And how is that relevant to being drunk?



Tequila
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07 Oct 2013, 4:37 am

Jono wrote:
The scenario I was thinking about was thinking of was if a guy (or a girl), decides to have sex because their friends were teasing them about being a virgin, but otherwise the sex was still consensual between the parties involved. So for example, the girl does consent to have sex with the guy but the guy only consents to have sex with the girl because he was being teased for "being a virgin" in her absence. I would of thought that that would of been a case of someone coercing themselves into sex even though it's to become popular with their "friends".


Yup. If they were actually there though and were bullying, teasing and ridiculing them into sex, it's pretty cut and dried coercion.

The scene in Dead Man's Shoes if you've ever seen it, it's pretty clearly rape of the man (both the scene where the ringleader forces the mentally impaired man to give him a blowjob and the female-on-mentally impared-man rape after). I couldn't work out if both parties were being raped in the female-on-male rape scene in the film, or whether the woman was just raping the man.

Jono wrote:
I wouldn't call it self-coersion so much s forcing yourself to do something that you don't really want to do.


Yes, I agree. A particular case where this might apply is where someone is a prostitute and is having sex not because she wants to, but because she is doing it for money. She doesn't particularly want to have sex, but she wants the money, so she consents. That's obviously not rape because she agreed and she can stop at any time. If the punter did anything beyond what was agreed, though, it's pretty clearly abuse. (For a similar reason, I just can't work out how the scum over at Facial Abuse and the like actually get away with what they're doing. I've read articles by women who have worked for them and yeah... it's pretty much what you see. I don't know how you can't call a lot of their material simply real-lfie rape scenes on camera.)

Oh, and LKL? It isn't relevant. We're just talking about the different types of coercion involved.



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26 Dec 2013, 2:14 am

Rule of thumb (and this comes from the public service announcements that were being aired several years ago, You're considered drunk (in my eyes, and the eyes of the law in quite a few states) after the first drink. Even if you have just left church or temple, if the ritual requires wine, and the local constabulary pulls you over and you blow a .01 on the breathalyzer, kiss your arse goodbye. Same logic applies with sex: You're drunk after the first drink. Even if the sex is consensual, and you're both drunk, the male should have kept his schvance in his pants, no matter what.



zer0netgain
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26 Dec 2013, 9:48 am

As I've always understood it....

1. Being drunk doesn't make it rape.

2. Having sex with someone incapacitated makes it rape.

3. There is no bright line rule for when a drunk person is incapable of granting consent for sex because of intoxication (as being drunk isn't accepted as a defense for committing a crime, it also can't be used to automatically dismiss capacity to consent).

4. Asking your date to take a breathalyzer test (no pun intended), is a mood killer.

Ultimately, my rule has always been to NOT get involved sexually with anyone who appears to have had more than a couple of drinks. As I normally don't drink myself, I don't worry about my own intoxication affecting my ability to judge the situation.

It's not that someone would walk in, protest our union and claim I raped the other person. I'd be more worried about "buyer's remorse" setting in and the other person claiming I raped them as a way to recover their dignity. I've seen cases where the woman was that psychotic that she'd risk sending an innocent person to prison to protect her public image.

If a person needs to be drunk to sleep with me, I think it's safe to say they really aren't interested in me.



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26 Dec 2013, 1:57 pm

zer0netgain wrote:
As I've always understood it....

1. Being drunk doesn't make it rape.

2. Having sex with someone incapacitated makes it rape.


Drunk = can't legally consent.

A person who has had a small drink is *not* drunk. But once it starts altering your decisions / then you can't legally consent. Being unconscious is not needed. If it is just slightly difficult to understand the person when they talk, that's drunk = can't consent = rape.

Quote:
3. There is no bright line rule for when a drunk person is incapable of granting consent for sex because of intoxication (as being drunk isn't accepted as a defense for committing a crime, it also can't be used to automatically dismiss capacity to consent).

Nope, it dismisses capacity to consent. Sorry.

Quote:
4. Asking your date to take a breathalyzer test (no pun intended), is a mood killer.


This is rapey talk. If you want to have sex with someone so much that you prefer not to take the risks of killing the mood by ensuring they can legally consent, then you are willing to rape.


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26 Dec 2013, 2:07 pm

what if both parties are equally excessively drunk?

Personal experience.


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LKL
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26 Dec 2013, 3:19 pm

If both parties are equally drunk, it's about like if both parties are 14. Stupid, but not rape.



zer0netgain
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26 Dec 2013, 5:34 pm

Vexcalibur wrote:
Drunk = can't legally consent.

A person who has had a small drink is *not* drunk. But once it starts altering your decisions / then you can't legally consent. Being unconscious is not needed. If it is just slightly difficult to understand the person when they talk, that's drunk = can't consent = rape.

...

This is rapey talk. If you want to have sex with someone so much that you prefer not to take the risks of killing the mood by ensuring they can legally consent, then you are willing to rape.


The courts disagree with you.

Intoxication is not an automatic defense to committing a crime. Alcohol/drugs lower your inhibitions, but they don't prevent you from making a choice of your free will.

There is no drink number or BAC that defines when sex becomes rape. It's more based on the circumstances.

It's easy to call it rape if the victim is blitzed and the aggressor is sober. However, in most cases, both parties are similarly smashed. Calling it "rape" in those situations is problematic at best.

My breathalyzer comment was meant to be in jest. It's akin to insisting on a signed and notarized consent form to have sex. A good way to protect yourself against future claims of rape, but odds are you'll never get any if you insist on it as a prerequisite for sex.

Also, keep this in mind as it applies to men and to women.

There's a joke that goes, "When you go to a bar, find the ugliest woman in the place. When she starts to look good, it's time to call a cab and go home." Men and women both use alcohol as a "sex lube" to get some action. An intoxicated partner is less picky about who they'll go home with. Men and women can both score outside their league if the other party has had a couple drinks too much to insist on someone better. Both sexes do this.

When does it become rape? The law says when one side is INCAPABLE of giving consent. Intoxication is not an automatic bar. The only thing that makes it more difficult for a woman to rape a man via intoxication is that alcohol affect male performance (unless she slips him an ED drug to ensure that's not a problem).

The hidden point in the joke is that YOU must take responsibility for what happens to you. Male or female, put a limit on how much you will consume so that you don't need anything more than to take a cab home rather than drive. People who want to get soused and then wake up the next day with someone they don't remember from the night before are victims of their own foolishness...not necessarily rape.



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02 Mar 2014, 12:23 am

You say if you can walk than it's not rape but what if the person is so drunk they are having a hard time getting off the bed but than maybe later when they sobered up a bit can walk out or the fight flight freeze kicks in and they bolt. Also, if the guys sole purpose in getting the girl drunk or high was to have sex with her and keeps giving her stuff wouldn't that be considered rape, because he kept giving her stuff till she was at a point where he could have sex with her.

Like I know saying no is the obvious sign of rape. But what if the women can't say no, say there so much in fear that they freeze up, or they guy tricks her like asks questions in a round about way to get a yes. Especially tricky if your an aspie and they guy seems to be manipulating you so that you say yes but you don't want to. Even if you don't say no say if your drunk and the guy tells you to take off your clothes, and you don't and he takes it off for you, that would be rape right?

I guess the whole drink thing and rape is tricky, because when does it cross the line.

Say if a girl were with a guy and she wanted to get out of the sexual situation but was able to walk, say to a bathroom because getting the clothes on would take to much time and say the bathroom had no lock :( and the guy then came into the bathroom when she was peeing and had sex with her in the bathroom, would that be rape? I would think so because the bathroom suppose to be a private place and if your trying to go pee and a guy bursts in and then has sex with you I think that would be a little inaapropriate, especially when it's a small space and hard to get out of and the fact that the door did not have a lock on it points to the fact that probably it's like that for a reason so the guy could get in when girls were in the bathroom.

I don't know basically all these above come from personal experience and I'm having a hard time deciding what is rape and what isn't and what as just me being stupid an intoxicated. I've had guys more then once in a situation use there leg to hold me down and when I try to move they press harder, like say if we are together or if I get up to leave they try to pull me back or stop me. A lot of times in these situations the only way I find a way out is when the guy goes to the bathroom and that doesn't always work. So in that case I can walk if I can leave but I have to wait till the guy is in the bathroom because I'm scared/ he would not let me go very easily...


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02 Mar 2014, 8:43 am

Here is another point of view

http://www.nytimes.com/1993/06/13/magaz ... ictim.html

Katie Roiphe wrote:
...One of the questions used to define rape was: "Have you had sexual intercourse when you didn't want to because a man gave you alcohol or drugs." The phrasing raises the issue of agency. Why aren't college women responsible for their own intake of alcohol or drugs? A man may give her drugs, but she herself decides to take them. If we assume that women are not all helpless and naive, then they should be held responsible for their choice to drink or take drugs. If a woman's "judgment is impaired" and she has sex, it isn't necessarily always the man's fault; it isn't necessarily always rape....



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03 Mar 2014, 4:52 am

pinkgurl87 wrote:
You say if you can walk than it's not rape but what if the person is so drunk they are having a hard time getting off the bed but than maybe later when they sobered up a bit can walk out or the fight flight freeze kicks in and they bolt. Also, if the guys sole purpose in getting the girl drunk or high was to have sex with her and keeps giving her stuff wouldn't that be considered rape, because he kept giving her stuff till she was at a point where he could have sex with her.

Like I know saying no is the obvious sign of rape. But what if the women can't say no, say there so much in fear that they freeze up, or they guy tricks her like asks questions in a round about way to get a yes. Especially tricky if your an aspie and they guy seems to be manipulating you so that you say yes but you don't want to. Even if you don't say no say if your drunk and the guy tells you to take off your clothes, and you don't and he takes it off for you, that would be rape right?

I guess the whole drink thing and rape is tricky, because when does it cross the line.

Say if a girl were with a guy and she wanted to get out of the sexual situation but was able to walk, say to a bathroom because getting the clothes on would take to much time and say the bathroom had no lock :( and the guy then came into the bathroom when she was peeing and had sex with her in the bathroom, would that be rape? I would think so because the bathroom suppose to be a private place and if your trying to go pee and a guy bursts in and then has sex with you I think that would be a little inaapropriate, especially when it's a small space and hard to get out of and the fact that the door did not have a lock on it points to the fact that probably it's like that for a reason so the guy could get in when girls were in the bathroom.

I don't know basically all these above come from personal experience and I'm having a hard time deciding what is rape and what isn't and what as just me being stupid an intoxicated. I've had guys more then once in a situation use there leg to hold me down and when I try to move they press harder, like say if we are together or if I get up to leave they try to pull me back or stop me. A lot of times in these situations the only way I find a way out is when the guy goes to the bathroom and that doesn't always work. So in that case I can walk if I can leave but I have to wait till the guy is in the bathroom because I'm scared/ he would not let me go very easily...
yeah, that sounds like rape. If someone has to hold a person down to have sex, and it's not clearly a mutual kink, there's a problem.

@AP: Baka. The alcohol/drugs are not the problem. Taking advantage of someone when they're impaired, is.



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03 Mar 2014, 9:34 am

Impairing one's self with drugs and alcohol also constitutes a problem. One is better off not doing that.