I think Aspergeans should NOT have children

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Maybe I'm overthinking this, but I often get discouraged and feel like a failure because I regard these two things as one and the same.

What is warm and loving, anyhow? >_<

Sorry, I'm in a bad moment.

Actually, I think if I would have known what my condition was in childhood, and if my parents would have accepted it and been supportive and gotten me the help I needed, life wouldn't have been nearly as miserable. The vast majority of my suffering was a result of lack of parenting, neglect, my failure to understand social cues and their calling me an idiot for not getting it instead of explaining and catching on that it just wasn't getting through naturally for me. I think with the right structures in place, parentally, the child would do pretty well. We shall see, since I have two on the spectrum.



There are some people who beleive that Asperger's might be the next step in the evolutionary process. I can't discount that. But if we go along your lines, maybe people should stop reproducing if they have heart disease, diabetes, digestive disorders, arthritis, scoliosis, near-sightedness, etc. All of those things can be disabling to a fair degree. And whle we're at it, maybe all people who don't have blonde hair and blue eyes. Hell, we could bring back Hitler's vision for a master race!



I don't know if you are, but I know I'm a far cry better than my parents were - and neither of them have Asperger's. They were parents only in the most basic sense of the words - they provided food (somtimes) and shelter. I had no emotional support, no one to fight for me, no one to do the things a parent does.

My husband and I provide a stable, loving environment for our children. They are involved in things they enjoy. They are happy, well-behaved and well-adjusted kids. Knowing what we're dealing with helps us provide for them better than NTs, in some ways. We've been there, we know what would have helped us, and we can apply it to their situations.

I have primarily sensory issues. When things get loud, I start stimming. Does it harm them if I have odd hand movements or rock a little? No. Sometimes I'll just get up and dance with them, it works. In fact, they love it. Thing is, I cope. There is no need they have that my having AS prevents me from meeting.



An example of hope. Everyday we're showing our children that it is possible to have fairly normal, successful lives with Asperger's. My husband holds a college degree in Engineering and has a great job he loves and is successful at. I will have my college degree in December and I plan to go on to Nursing. On the surface, we look like the typical American Dream family. We've learned to function and cope with the symptoms of our AS, and we believe that with the proper guidance and help, our children can learn to cope even better.



Yes. See my response to number 2 if you want to know why I think so.



That's a pretty big pot to stir and hope at the same time not to offend. There are a lot of Aspie parents here.

I think sinsboldly said it beautifully.

silly, sillies. silly rabbits. shrug. don't have kids then. but i am excited for the someday.

when i was 16, my brother was born. i has always felt a neutralish like for kids before, but they were nothing to get excited about. i thought-- meh, maybe, but i am too impatient and get angry too easily, i'd probably screw up a kid.

but. then he was born.

and my mother marveled at how "good" and "patient" i was with him.

but he was the most perfect child i had ever seen. and the first one to hear my name right, and pronounce it back, and i thought he was a GENIUS, and i was in AWE of him.

and i thought i wanted a million children, but only if they could be Zackos. I thought he was just "smart" then, so i worried about having a stupid or ret*d child, but i said to myself that most kinds of retardeds might even be alright, because i would learn new stuff, but i was very worried about the "average" kind of stupid.

he is still smart and kind and funny and a math-genius. and i still love him more than i can say, and i have always pondered how we have twin souls, and have worried for him, and now that i know what this is that we are... i still want all my children to be Zackos, but I think now I could be a good Mommy to an NT too.

Basically it means would what reasonably be expected of any parent under the circumstances.

That's not clear at all to me... and I'm tempted to dissect it, but the bad moment is over now.

I just need to stop listening to someone in my life who is heavily critical of me. It has eroded all my confidence and joy in my parenting abilities.

Back to scheduled programming...

Maybe no one should have children? All people born into this world suffer and ultimately die. A bad mutation can pop up any time and cause muscular dystrophy, down's syndrome, cystic fibrosis, PKU, or any one of thousands of other terrible diseases. Even when the genes are perfect, developmental problems can occur.

If you think the risk is so great, by all means get some tubes tied or cut. Parenthood is optional. I don't think that asperger's traits are known to be a terrible risk for having a child that is doomed to a living hell. You are welcome to your perspective, but I don't share it.

I don't agree that people with aspergers shouldn't have children. My own personal life is just a bunch of ups and downs but isn't everyones?? Should everyone just quit breeding because everyone suffers in some way. It's what life is. Ups and downs.

I don't want to be babied. I throw myself into situations that are actually very difficult for me to handle because I want to get better and for me, repitition makes the learning process that much better but I've learned that you have to find the right place with the right people. Just say no to losing and say yes to winning. I haven't won yet but part of losing is giving up.

Whether I'm a full Aspie or only share some of the symptoms, and whether my kids have or will have AS or not, I'm not giving up my two precious boys for ANYTHING!

Most women seemed to be "wired" to have children and this being one of the main reasons for having sex. With this attitude, you have just eliminated many of the reasons women would want to have sex with you.

I suffered mainly because I didn't know what was wrong with me(which I came to find out is incorrect, just different). Middle school was by far the worst time. This is the time when kids are trying to place themselves in some sort of social hierarchy which puts Aspergerians at the bottom. We come to identify with this and put ourselves there. My suffering came from trying to put myself in the NT world. My self esteem suffered from the lack of understanding why I didn't fit in. As a parent, I can guide my child through many of these issues. They will be helped to understand what is going on. It may not be perfect and I feel for the crap they will have to go through. But suffering helps to make better people. Look at what happens when people don't suffer or have to struggle in life. They may be happier on the surface, but they tend to self destruct.

So you are a degenerate then. You identify yourself in the NT realm and you believe this is the right way. Don't have kids. Natural selection will be at work. When I was alone and had no hope in the future for passing on my heritage, I often thought that I had some very valuable traits to offer society and that it was a shame not to pass those on. Now I have kids, I am proud to see those traits coming through.

Is anybody fit to raise a child. Most of the shameful, disgusting things people do to their children are from NT parents. Perhaps you are referring to the apparent lack of empathy that Aspergerians have for others and assume that is the way they will feel toward their children. I can attest that I feel more for my children than anyone else in this world except for maybe my wife. I couldn't care less about how the rest of the world feels. I do care how my children feel.

Again, so you are flawed and defective. What are these flaws and defects you claim? What I've gathered is that most of our issues tend to be about how we deal with others. We are generally accepting of our own "flaws" when we don't have to share them. So the only real concern is how others perceive you. You can hide. You can display all of your stereotypical behaviors for others to criticise. Or you can cope. You can modify your behavior. You can learn what causes your stimming, your meltdowns, your outbursts, your whatever... Even other Aspergerians may find your behaviors annoying although they may be more understanding than NTs. As a parent it becomes your responsibility to teach your children coping skills. When they learn them, life becomes much easier for your children and for you.

No offense taken. But if you are not ready nor willing to learn to be a parent. By all means don't. There are billions of people out there that should heed that advice.

Can anyone say, "s e l f - l o a t h i n g" ?





I can think of a lot of reasons not to have kids, but they apply to all humans.

Well I can't speak for aspie kind, but I sure as hell don't want children lol.
But you never know - maybe my motives will change in a few years time.

I didn't want children at the age of 22, but now 10 years later, I wouldn't mind having one or two. The problem is that I can't afford to do so, because I'm on a fixed income. I would also like to add, that I don't suffer. I have my share of problems, but I don't suffer. I think that the OP really needs to make peace with their AS.

I never "suffered" as a result of Asperger's...marriage maybe.



Honestly, I've seen more so-called NT's that should have been issued a license to breed IMO. I don't believe I've degenerated anything.



Is anyone for that matter?



The world is not perfect, everyone has flaws and defects...some just maybe more obvious than others. The example you set is up to you.

Having said that...I really believe having or not having children is a personal decision, a decision that only you should make, because only you know what you are capable of. I respect those that choose not to have kids just as much as I respect those that do.

I would not have suffered at all if I had had loving parents, or at least one's who cared about me. (mine couldn't be bothered to have food in the house). i would much rather having loving aspie parents, than the no good NT parents I got who shouldn't have been allowed within a mile of any child.

i do fine on my own in life - college valedictorian, have easily held 2 or 3 jobs at the same time, advancing my opportunities. And I do great with kids. I am not allowed to officially keep in touch with the Big Brother Big Sister lunch buddy I had 5 years ago, but whenever she sees me in town she runs up to speak with me. And that's after 5 years.

I've babysat a ton, I've worked in day cares. I've worked in schools. I've smoothed over problems between nt kids and nt parents that were thorns for over a year by simply putting forth the first solution I thought of and asking the parents and kids to consider it.