Roe v. Wade is history

Post Reply New Topic

The risks of pregnancy disproportionately accrue to mothers.

- Pregnancy itself is unpleasant in a lot of ways- morning sickness, reduced mobility, can’t drink alcohol, hormonal stuff.

- Childbirth is much safer than it used to be, but it’s entirely risk-free for the father.

- Women are usually expected to do more of the childcare, which takes up huge amounts of time.

- Women’s earnings are negatively impacted by parenthood, whereas men’s earnings tend to be positive impacted.

The absentee father might have to give a share of his income in child support payments. The single mother he leaves behind has to raise the child. I know which one I’d pick!

(Of course it isn’t guaranteed that the mother will be the caregiver, but that does largely tend to be the case.)

Great response, Fireblossom.

That's always been my attitude about sex, too.

I'm not a prude but I was always realistic. Unless I was willing to risk getting pregnant, willing to risk my partner being the father, and my partner was prepared to be the father .... there was no sex. (Now, I'm safe because of hysterectomy / menopause which makes things much more fun...)

When I was younger, I had to be comfortable thinking of any potential partner being in my life until "the end of time" as my child's potential parent. That meant either marrying them, living with them, or staying in contact as amiable co-parents for 20 years or more. That's not to mention that I'd have to be "grandparents" with that partner if my child ever had children.

Yes I overthink but I've also learned the hard way as a single mother for the past 25 years since my daughter was a newborn. I was married to her father and assumed he'd be a responsible parent, but instead it's been 25 years of hell even though we're divorced. He abuses my daughter so he'll never be out of my life. I will always have to deal with him.

I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
I don't think people understand until they've seen how hard it is to raise children, or be plagued by the other parent.

---

SMiLes, Thanks blazingstar, while none of This
Impacts me in A Family Way At Home And Even
Though Folks Still Have Some Reproductive Rights

in Florida As it Stands For Women; Although that's Likely

To Change Soon; i Can't Help Yet to Have Empathy and Compassion
For those Who've Suddenly Lost Access to Health Care and Family Planning in Other

States Regarding Reproductive Rights And Freedoms As i've Seen Just About How Difficult

The Human Condition Can And Will Get Ranging From Mind and Body Imbalance Thru Socio-Economic

Difficulties too; Yep, i've Lived Long Enough

to Actually Visit

And Wear
Many of Those
Shoes; It's Much Different

When 'IT' Happens to 'You,'
Whoever One May Be; Life

is Difficult Enough For Marginalized
Folks Already, Without Putting Up another
Road Block For Difficulty in Basic Survival;

Particularly, When the Same General Political

And Religious Party Lobbies Against Health Care
In General, And Any Lifts in Life For Those Who Are

Marginalized Most in Every Way the Human Condition Comes and Goes this way...

People Who have Lived Long Enough in Enough Shoes, Don't Usually Treat Others

Without Empathy
And Compassion
This way, No Matter
How Far they Have Risen From
Falling So Low, So Very Low in Life For Real...

And If They Remain Callous to Other Folk's Life
Circumstances, Apparently They Haven't Learned From Life Enough

to Be
Love
With
Empathy
And Compassion
for Others More...
As At Best This Makes
Hardships Blessings For Real...

True, It's Been Many Years Since
Women Have Lost Major Civil Rights
For Freedom in this Country; Yes, Many
Years Since Anyone Has Lost Civil Rights
For Freedoms They have Gained in this Country;
While Many Folks in the Religious Right Part of the
Republican Party Have Worked Their Fingers to the Bone

To Take These Reproductive Rights/Healthcare Away from Women;

Yes, It Stands to Reason That Folks Who Have Lost Their Civil Rights
For Reproductive Freedoms and Those Who Support them With Real
Empathy and Compassion Will Find Common Meaning and Purpose to Stand

Together For Greater
Change in this Country;
Even More So Than That
Minority of the Country Who Worked
So Hard to Take It Away, including the
Supreme Court Justices Who Misled Senators
To Get Their Positions on the Court; The Majority
Doesn't Want This; And Now The Majority Has A Common
Meaning and Purpose To Vote Together Now For Change;

As the Tide Swings Right to Left Again As The Stoning of the
Pond Ends And Ripples Move The Other Way for a New Day Now..

---

This was sort of my experience.

I wish I would’ve reported what he did to me because then I probably wouldn’t have to deal with him regularly.

Anyway, I think that people aren’t usually that cautious unless they’ve been through an experience like this.

People, especially young people, tend to get caught up in romance and/or hormones which cloud their judgment.

I'm sorry you dealt with the same.

I don't deal with my exh in person, and haven't spoken to him face-to-face or via text / email / phone in over twenty years. I don't even know his address or phone number. He and my daughter are estranged and she hasn't spoken to him in over three years. The problem is that she and I still need to deal with legal matters because every 12-24 months he rears his ugly head by hiring a lawyer and attacking us. In 2019 he sued his own daughter saying that she wasn't really autistic, didn't really have a debilitating physical disability, didn't really have Epilepsy, and refusing to pay tens of thousands in court-ordered arrears for her education. Then he also claimed that her doctors were liars despite our submission of 200+ pages of medical reports and testimony.

If he could just vanish into the sunset that would be great. We don't speak to him at all other than through lawyers when he instigates this crap. It's unbelievable that such ableist nonsense is allowed in a court of law.

It's hard to believe he isn't even the person who caused my PTSD. That's a whole other story.

Mine doesn’t pay child support.

He’s currently on hard drugs and hasn’t been around for a couple of years, but he called and screamed at me the other day because I apparently missed a phone call.

I don’t feel safe, especially when he’s on something. The worst times in the past were when he was on something.

He’s not why I have PTSD either, but he’s certainly added to it.

WTF is wrong with a world that allows this behaviour by parents?
I was going to ask if he's good to your son, but obviously no ... he's not.
If he's volatile and screams at you, it's mentally and emotionally abusive to your son.
If he doesn't pay any support, it's physically and emotionally abusive to you both.

I could give a ton of advice about protective orders but I'm sure you know it all.
Navigating the system and trying to survive day-to-day is hard enough as it is.
I hope he doesn't have access to your home and you have a support network, if needed.
There's no reason for you to answer calls if he's hostile, cruel, or erratic.

You're stronger than he is and don't forget it.

I’m behaving more cautiously than I normally would because of specific threats I’ve received and specific realities I’ve observed. It all feels like a nightmare. I was hoping the drugs would’ve killed him by this point, but alas…

I can relate.

I remember when we were splitting up in the late 90s I thought, "Meh ... I won't have to deal with him from now on because he likely won't live very long ...." lol -- I assumed he'd die from poor health as the men in his family all died really young. How wrong could I be? He and his husband both have health issues but they've amassed a small fortune and they seem to be unstoppable in terms of narcissistic / financial abuse. It's unending. (*knocks wood*)

I hope you keep a record of the threats and you report them all to police or social services.

Maybe we should have a threat about domestic violence and abuse in the parenting section.
Actually, I think we really should.

I'll put some ideas together and see what I can do.

He really doesn’t threaten me that much these days. Probably because he feels like he doesn’t have to.

In the past, he was cautious about not being recorded or overheard.

Also, he’s not the only cause for concern in this situation.

OK, that's good to know.
That's not a good reason for him to stop, though.

Yes it's hard to record or prove things.

I had a lot of recordings but they weren't admissible in court because apparently you need the other person's consent in order to record them and submit it as evidence. (Rolls on floor laughing).

If we did do a thread it should likely be in Haven or Members Only rather than Parenting.

Sorry for the diversion from RvW, but I think this is all related to the bigger picture.
This type of behaviour is part of the reason women deserve choice.

Exactly!

Women who are or who have been in abusive situations should be able to confidentially end a pregnancy which, otherwise, could make her complicated situation even worse.

But are you saying that if it is decided that a woman is going to get an abortion that it has to be made known to the abusive guy or the public now? Could there be a court order not to tell him, now?

No, I’m saying that the current situation rids women of this important right.

I was highlighting how this is a humans rights issue.

But how would the guy find out though?

I was speaking theoretically. I didn’t have a specific woman in mind.

This sort of situation does happen, though.