How to Repay China?

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I've noticed that our conservative/Republican brethren haven't chimed in with anything.

Either because Rush Limbaugh hasn't yet told them what to think.

Or, they're snickering to themselves. They know that the Rapture is coming, and they're soon going to be wisked off to Heaven.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JtrLNfMFayQ&feature=related[/youtube]

The Conservative ain't gonna have to pay back a dime of the debt. It will be us "flatulent, whining liberals", who are left here on Earth, to repay their debts.

I don't get all the Texas hate. There are crazies all over the country. The Appalachians? Salt Lake City? The Bible Belt?

Oh, we just have to pick something worth selling to China. I wouldn't want to sell them Alaska or Hawaii--too much scenic beauty. And, they might eat all the reindeer.

And, I wouldn't want to sell my state to China--it would be too inconvenient.

Utah and the Appalachians are too land-locked. I don't think that China would really consider purchasing them.

But, I think that China could really do something with Texas. Then, our Chinese imports wouldn't have to come from across the Pacific Ocean. Texas doesn't want federal bailout money to subsidize unemployment insurance. So, why not give Texans jobs assembling toys and computers?

I also think that we could get a better price for Texas than we could for Utah or West Virginia. We need to get enough to pay off our debts, and hopefully a bit more, so that we could sustain at least one or two more election cycles where both candidates argue about who is offering the most generous tax cuts.

And, for Texas, it couldn't be any worse than Reconstruction was.

General Sheridan, in 1866, once remarked that if he owned Texas and Hell he would rent Texas and live in Hell. It seems things have not changed much since then.

I think the Chinese would be horrified when they first came over to have a look at the place. Like how can you do decent landscape paintings when all you need is a ruler to draw the horizon and the painting's done? Not only that, it's hard to capture the essential quality of power transmission lines painting them with a brush.

Then they'd figure out that Texas would be a great place to send all those pesky Chinese Christian's and political dissidents, although sending anybody to Texas would probably be considered a human rights abuse.

The redneck preachers would see their congregations swelling and they'd think it's a great idea and tell everybody it's their Christian duty, and the rednecks would go along with whatever their preachers tell them, until their daughters start bringing home Chinese boyfriends.

Meanwhile the Mexicans will be complaining about the immigrants coming in and taking all the jobs and working for lower wages.

Most of the initial protests will probably be limited to the traditional Texas form of political expression, shooting holes in highway signs, but it could turn into a crisis when they have the first Falun Gong rodeo in Fort Worth. At that point, we'll have a few dozen preachers proclaiming themselves to be the redneck Dalai Lama, reincarnated from Sam Houston, claiming their country has been overrun, and setting up exile communities all over Mexico and Oklahoma.

But, you know what? Once the Rapture hits, Texas will be pretty much depopulated anyway.

Just a few Secular Humanists and Episcopalians looking around, scratching their heads, and thinking to themselves:

"Damn! Those Kooky Evangelicals must have had it right after all!"

I just get this picture of monsters in flying saucers sucking up Texans eager for rapture and frying them in deep oil before wrapping them in egg rolls and gobbling them down, hats and all.

But then Kinky Friedman will get elected Governor of Texas in a landslide election the Chinese Colonial Administration won't be able to ignore, and all those Confucian Chinese will decide things have gotten too weird for them and there will be a mass exodus of Chinese Texans into Mexico.

The Chinese Texans will become a majority in the Mexican border regions, and remembering the Opium Wars, they'll start a Cultural Revolution style war against the drug cartels.

All those Mexican government officials who are getting rich off kickback payments from the drug cartels will request US military assistance, and since the Republicans can't get any more cocaine and the Democrats can't get any more weed, congress will immediately approve it.

So the US military will move into northern Mexico, supporting a Canadian peacekeeping force with trained polar bears, and since the US makes war on entire populations because we can never figure out who the enemy is, China will be forced to declare war on the United States and...

Anyway, lemme get back to the point; if we cede Texas to China, then more likely than not there will be rioting as China is not yet a full Democracy the last time I've heard. Plus when China annexes Texas, the majority of the population would probably emigrate to the remainder of the USA, which will or will not (Mexico's illegal emigrates would probably still cross North the Rio Grande River) punch a hole further when prior citizens already fleed the coming onslaught.

In short, I highly doubt China would be capable of living off the human labor in Texas for long as people flee. Probably after a substantial proportion of the population leaves will China abandon claims to Texas when they find that the only people living there are weak stragglers and illegal immigrants. Selling Texas to China will just have cost the US's lifetime's resources invested in the state and probably damage our already dwindling economy.

The canadian army does not use polar bears <.< in fact, global warming will finish them off before we can train them.

We will definitely need to complete that border fence around Texas.

hey wait a minute you sucker. what about the rest of the usa?

The problem is that the Chinese built the Great Wall, and the Mongols still took over.

We'll need something stronger to keep out the Texans. Maybe barbed wire.