22 Dec 2019, 2:28 am
22 Dec 2019, 2:30 am
22 Dec 2019, 2:33 am
funeralxempire
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22 Dec 2019, 4:47 am
naturalplastic wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
JWs believe 144,000 will be in heaven ruling as kings and priests with all the other spiritual dudes and that there will be a “great crowd” of JWs in the Paradise on Earth. I’m not exactly sure why God will need the extra help in Heaven...
Somebody has to keep an eye on god to make sure he doesn't change anything and send yet another prophet. God might be the Emperor, but someone still wants to play Shogun.
Every year God outa send us a "prophet and loss statement"!
And W2 forms to show us how much withholding he takes out of our wages of sin!
Forget auditing the Vatican, it's time to audit heaven.
23 Dec 2019, 9:53 am
funeralxempire wrote:
naturalplastic wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
JWs believe 144,000 will be in heaven ruling as kings and priests with all the other spiritual dudes and that there will be a “great crowd” of JWs in the Paradise on Earth. I’m not exactly sure why God will need the extra help in Heaven...
Somebody has to keep an eye on god to make sure he doesn't change anything and send yet another prophet. God might be the Emperor, but someone still wants to play Shogun.
Every year God outa send us a "prophet and loss statement"!
And W2 forms to show us how much withholding he takes out of our wages of sin!
Forget auditing the Vatican, it's time to audit heaven.
I say audit both!
The Vatican is a good start.
If you tell God that his accounts are off, he might unleash a plague of frogs on you. Hmm... I like frogs. They’re so cute and many species are endangered. Amphibians have permeable skin which makes them especially susceptible to pollution. It’s sad.
funeralxempire
Veteran
Joined: 27 Oct 2014
Age: 40
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 30,942
Location: Right over your left shoulder
23 Dec 2019, 2:45 pm
Twilightprincess wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
naturalplastic wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
JWs believe 144,000 will be in heaven ruling as kings and priests with all the other spiritual dudes and that there will be a “great crowd” of JWs in the Paradise on Earth. I’m not exactly sure why God will need the extra help in Heaven...
Somebody has to keep an eye on god to make sure he doesn't change anything and send yet another prophet. God might be the Emperor, but someone still wants to play Shogun.
Every year God outa send us a "prophet and loss statement"!
And W2 forms to show us how much withholding he takes out of our wages of sin!
Forget auditing the Vatican, it's time to audit heaven.
I say audit both!
The Vatican is a good start.
If you tell God that his accounts are off, he might unleash a plague of frogs on you. Hmm... I like frogs. They’re so cute and many species are endangered. Amphibians have permeable skin which makes them especially susceptible to pollution. It’s sad.
I've got my pellet gun loaded up, I'm ready for a plague of frogs.
23 Dec 2019, 3:13 pm
funeralxempire
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Joined: 27 Oct 2014
Age: 40
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23 Dec 2019, 3:29 pm
Twilightprincess wrote:
I’ve heard that frog legs are good but I’ve never tried them.
Anyway, if one is going to be plagued by frogs, it’s smart to make the best of it. My parents have lots of room for frog legs in their freezer.
Parents’ freezers are great places for things like frog legs, breast milk, and sliced peaches from the bountiful summer harvest.
Anyway, if one is going to be plagued by frogs, it’s smart to make the best of it. My parents have lots of room for frog legs in their freezer.
Parents’ freezers are great places for things like frog legs, breast milk, and sliced peaches from the bountiful summer harvest.
Honestly, I was just gonna let the coyotes take care of the bountiful mess once I got bored or YHWH ran out of frogs. I figure that's how you get a clique if you live in the middle of nowhere.
23 Dec 2019, 3:36 pm
funeralxempire
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23 Dec 2019, 3:41 pm
Twilightprincess wrote:
It’s not good for him to get bored, though, because then he gets inventive with boils, locusts, or blasting the local, conservative, gospel channel 24/7 - a fate worse than death.
Since when did I develop those abilities? I is self-referential, last I checked I'm not YHWH.
My superpowers are the ability to procrastinate on procrastinating and stringing long chains of rhymes together in a rhythmic fashion.
23 Dec 2019, 4:18 pm
funeralxempire wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
It’s not good for him to get bored, though, because then he gets inventive with boils, locusts, or blasting the local, conservative, gospel channel 24/7 - a fate worse than death.
Since when did I develop those abilities? I is self-referential, last I checked I'm not YHWH.
My superpowers are the ability to procrastinate on procrastinating and stringing long chains of rhymes together in a rhythmic fashion.
Oops. Read it wrong. There’s a problem when Yahweh is bored. Then he creates stuff which he’ll later destroy with floods and such, sort of like a toddler with blocks.
As far as procrastination goes, why do something today when you can put it off until tomorrow?
23 Dec 2019, 8:43 pm
