Feminists whats your opinion on men that have been victims

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^^^ Blaming a victim of abuse due to submissiveness is like blaming a rape victim for wearing a skirt.Maybe you might view being kind and curtious to others always a bad thing and worthy of attack but I do not, perhaps you wish me to harbor hatred unfortunatly your wish will not come true.

I wasn't blaming anyone, matter of fact I was trying to help you. How am I condemning you by saying that abusers target certain types of people? Did I say certain types of people deserve it? I don't think so.

And oh yeah, you must know so much about my virtues. What you don't know however, is that I can actually distinguish between being nice and being a doormat. What I'm trying to tell you is that continuing to be the latter is only going to set you up for more abuse and that society only makes a chump out of you for its own benefit. I don't know what any of that has to do with harbouring hatred but it's your ass Cochise so if you want to keep taking everything so personal and going down the same road you're on then be my guest.

What I'm trying to tell you is that there's a middle ground where you don't have to hate women OR put them on a pedestal.

My apologies perhaps I took it the wrong way after dealing with the past I have learned to be more careful and be more assertive I sometimes have issues maintaining a middle ground at times so sometimes it is best to avoid relationships right away and set higher standards and self respect.Whenever I sense abusive and hostile behavior I end the relationship right away.In a way I may have hardened the f*ck up some may say and in another way I may have become more avoidant.Its best to be safe than sorry.

When you put women on a pedestal(read IDEALIZE them), you're yourself at the top of the slippery slope that leads to misogyny and butthurt. Because what you are doing is idealizing women and the result is that you'll have unrealistic expectations of them and will feel disillusioned and bitter towards them when you discover that they can't possibly live up to them. If your mom and female relatives return the affection you give them that's great. But you have to understand that most women(as in all women who aren't relatives) are NOT your mother and you should never expect them to treat you the way your mom does.

Don't treat women outside your family as mother figures! You see AspieOtaku, you'll find that people in general, and especially women, will treat you much better if you mange to get their respect rather than their sympathy. Women prefer to date, shag, and marry men who they respect and not men who they feel sorry for. Women are just as selfish as men. They are not always nurturing and empathic. If you appear weak, they will exploit your weaknesses just like men do. But if you're with a woman and she starts getting manipulative and abusive, dump her at once. Sometimes women might give you a hard time at first if they think you're weak and easy to take advantage of; but those women are clearly not going to ever truly respect a guy like you.

^^ Well in a way your right and I learned the hard way.One of my biggest mistakes was that I opened up too much and trusted them too much. I have also learned give myself more respect and be more cautious with who I trust.I am not looking for a mother figure just someone cares about me back if someone does not care about me in return then what's the point?From the past I have learned to detect abusive behavior a lot faster.

I have also learned to not be as much of a softy and go by a new motto if she isn't good to me she is not worthy of my hospitality.Love cannot exist without compassion.I also decided not to be as easy to get and act indifferent therefore giving them the idea I do not seem interested giving them a challenge.Members of the opposite gender seem to like a challenge I am not sure why though.If a woman is submissive to me I will reciprocate my submissiveness however I do not take advantage of that like most people do, I know it sounds crazy and foolish.

There's a difference between not being submissive and actually abusing your partner. She doesn't have to be submissive.

No matter what it *sounds* like, it will NOT work . Submissive women like dominant men. If you're submissive in return, she'll use you and discard you like a sock full of holes if she doesn't straight out dump you rather quickly. You need to learn some self-respect and grow a pair. If you can't respect yourself, NO ONE will ever respect you.

People in the US are rarely 'forced' into gender roles today, but the social pressure to toe the line can be so extreme that it ammounts to extrem sanction if not physical 'force' (and if you count the people who still routinely go 'gay bashing' for fun, physical force might be said to exist in many places). Children are routinely kicked out of their homes in more conservative areas if they come out to their parents as 'gay' (ie, gender non-conforming in the sexual attraction aspect); men who cross-dress can face mockery nearly to the point of shunning. Women who fail to toe the line in terms of preening and self-decoration are derided as ugly and of basically no social worth.


Time for aspie men to make a stand? Or all aspies?
I have no problem with aspie men in general - I have and have had internet-crushes on more than one of the guys here on WP. However, occasionally Asperger's manifests as extreme reliance on social conformity, and when ANY man (or woman), regardless of neural status, starts saying that my natural position is as a servant and 'helpmeet' to men (as opposed to as a 'partner,') then I'm not going to have anything to do with him.
It doesn't take "recruitment," it takes reading the definition and realizing that it applies to you.

I agree with almost all of this: first disagreement is that a woman will always exploit a weakness. Some will, and some will just walk away; a few will take on genuinely nurturing roles, as long as they can be dominant. There's nothing intrinsically wrong with either gender being somewhat dominant or submissive, as long as it's balanced and the person can live happily on their own as well.
Second disagreement: that no woman would 'truly respect' a man like him. I don't think that we know enough about him to make that statement, and I don't think that 'dominant' necessarily means 'disrespectful.' To make an extreme example, I'm dominant wrt. my dog, but I don't disrespect him as a dog (note that I'm using this as an illustration of the words 'dominance' and 'respect,' not as a healthy model for a human relationship. it's too extreme).

I am not expecting her to be submissive nor dominant but on equal grounds if she is sibmissive I will reciprocate.

That's true, LKL. A lot of women are repulsed by signs of weakness and would leave him for a guy they perceive as being "stronger" and more secure/confident/or even dominant.

I have a tendency to take on a nurturing role and be a bit 'dominant'. There's nothing abusive about me (I hope). That said, I'm willing to work through a man's 'issues' but I resent being a replacement mother. It's not healthy for a man to seek such a partner, I think.

There certainly are dominant women out there who like subservient men. I wasn't implying that ALL women want dominant men(thought it sure seems like more than 50% do but I have no stats to back that up). Nonetheless, even dominant women dislike clingy, whiny, insecure men who need constant reassurance and treat them as a second mom.

I suppose I should shut myself off from the rest of the world until I deem myself worthy of a relationship.I don't trust anyone anymore out of fear of exploitation and shall always remain vigilant no matter how much she says she loves me to never trust that individual.I might sound paranoid but that's how I feel.

Do you have a therapist? If not, I strongly recommend that you get one(as well as a shrink). These issues are too large and too deep for any of us to resolve ITT. You were given advice, what else can we say?