Christians help me with this...

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Matthew 5:27-28

"You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already commited adultery with her in his heart."

A question I have is why is it bad to "look at a woman lustfully"? Firstly I'm sometimes confused about beauty vs lust and secondly, the explanation of "objectifying woman" doesn't seem to cut it since a married couple (allowed to have sex) can objectify each other during sex anyway.

I'm trying to understand what is so bad about a person looking at the opposite sex and having an "o baby he/she is hot!" attitude when probably married couples think in their head, "o baby my husband/wife is hot!" all the time.

imo i think lust is putting sex before sence, theres a difference betrean lust and finding a woman atractive.

I'm always a bit confused about this...is it lust if the attraction causes you to think about having sex with the woman or picturing in your mind the woman naked?

You would understand this better if you considered fornication to be wrong. As it is, it is the motive that is important as well as the action. Look at the other examples in the passages from the Sermon On The Mount to see the general concept of motive, or internal consideration or forethought, being important.

Possibly, the definitions for the word translated lust might help,



Such is the case that the 3rd definitions are the ones fitting this passage. It is not wrong to be sexually contemplating/considering/desiring one's own spouse, but it is wrong to consider somebody else's spouse or spouse-to-be in that manner. If one is married, then it is wrong to consider anyone other than their own spouse.

Does that help?

What about if you're single or dating someone? I'm sure that one would have some type of attraction towards whomever the person is dating. And if that attraction is not lust, then what sets apart romantic love from ordinary love? Remember, the Bible talks so much about ordinary love but romantic love between the same gender is a no-no

Considering one's fiancee in a sexual manner is not terrible. Considering one's boyfriend or girlfriend in a sexual manner is not so bad, as long as you don't intend the relationship to be temporary or otherwise frivolous. But what the heck? You want justification for gayness now? I'm not going there.

No, I did not mean to say that. I was saying to what degree of romantic love (or what type of romantic love) did Jesus consider "commiting adultery in his heart".

Ah, okay. Well, it is erotic love firstly, and looking at someone to consider them erotically is "committing [the sexual act] with [them] in one's heart". It does depend upon whether or not one is married to the person. Jesus said that it is committing adultery with the person who is being erotically considered. One cannot commit adultery with one's own wife/husband since adultery is having sex with a person other than ones spouse. There may be a scale of degrees of severity, such that it is not wrong to erotically consider one's spouse. It isn't that bad to erotically consider one's fiancee/fiance. It isn't that terrible to erotically consider one's own girlfriend/boyfriend. Considering a person you're not in a relationship with isn't that bad if neither of you are in relationships. Here we are descending on a moral ladder of this action in considering where one is in a relationship, namely, married, engaged, mutually-infatuated-ness, to stalker-ship. However, if one is considering somebody who is already taken (or if one is taken, then considering somebody else), then that is essentially adultery. It is really best to only think of one's own spouse in this manner, though I remember how difficult it was as a teenager and I know it isn't always possible especially when in no relationship with anyone.

It's fairly simple, actually. For starters, you have to draw a line between sin and temptation. Temptation is NOT sin. If you are in the presence for any length of time of someone you'd ordinarily feel attracted to, it's perfectly normal to feel an attraction. This happens to me all the time--teaching the stray, young, beautiful college girl how to play piano, conversing with beautiful singles during breaks when I'm playing at a bar. The attraction is there, and I know good and well I have to go home to my wife and kids (OK, she's beautiful, too, which helps ). The stray thought will inevitably pass "DAYUM I wanna hit that." But there's nothing wrong with feeling physically attracted to someone.

The problem is this: If you have sex with someone who you aren't married to, that is a sin. Lustful thoughts indicate a preoccupation with that sin, and giving into those thoughts, even if you don't follow through with physical action, is still sinful because you've chosen to dwell on them. Basically, you've made up your mind to do something sinful, and entertaining those thoughts are just as bad.

That's how I read it anyway, but there is still more to it than that.

The problem with sin, and I mean ANY sin, is it originates from the heart. The heart is just as infected with man's sinful nature as is the mind and the body. Jesus calls all sinners to repentance, which means cleansing the heart, mind, and body of sinful impurities. One must discipline the mind not to think certain things and the heart not to feel certain things--and we all know how difficult that is to do.

Difficult, but not impossible, and certainly not something that can't be accomplished with the passing of time. The idea is that if you can overcome fleshly lust from its origin in the heart, you will never be confronted with the physical realization of it. Jesus was asking His followers to work on ridding themselves of the source of sin in order to avoid the sin itself. Temptation will pass. But preoccupation with sinful desires puts the believer at risk of giving into temptation. Jesus' whole point was that we should eliminate the source of our physical behaviors by dealing with our cognitive behaviors. Make sense?

Married sex CAN be a sinful action, too, btw. Men and women use sex as a weapon all the time (personally I think women are more guilty of this than men, but I'm sure some will disagree). If you say/do something your mate finds objectionable, you may find yourself on the couch/in the car or otherwise sleeping alone. I personally don't find that conducive to good relationships, and granting/denying sexual favors as rewards/punishment is hurtful. I think of sex as an outward expression of love, a desire to pleasure a mate, and a reflection of the oneness of a marital union--and then there's that whole procreation thing. It's not something that should be demanded or expected, and it should not be used in any kind of abusive way.

Oh ok, that makes sense. I actually heard from somewhere that the rate of premarital/extramarital sex among people who profess to be Christians and the general population is the same. And I think that this is the problem. People tell Christians, "no sex" but its rare to hear of Christian leaders preach about purity from the heart. Personally I find purity balls (even though it has the word "purity" in it) not that effective since during the event people mention about sex and all (they tell teenage girls "no sex prior to marriage") and so you would expect the teens to think of it in their minds and it seems like a "struggle" to abstain when in fact it shouldn't be a struggle if your heart is in the right place.

Thanks iamnotaparakeet, AngelRho for your input.

the mojority of christianity is non-sense. just stop take a minute and think to yourself is this right or wrong. do that and you can solve all of lives problems. dont worry about what god thinks of you.

If this was facebook with a dislike button, I will "dislike" this.

good thing this is a place where everyone is entitled to their opinion. nothing against christians but what is wrong with just living your life like a decent person. there is a stigma with everything you do. you dont have to listen to me, but i mean if your this worried about looking at a woman i wouldnt call that much of a life

Glad I could help. Now, the problem becomes "do we actually follow through with this?" Something my wife and I struggled with before we got married was whether it was OK to have sex. My personal conclusion is if God isn't removing the temptation from me (which would have been my gf/fiancee) and I don't have the strength to avoid the temptation, then there is something more profound at work here. What I came up with is that while premarital sex is wrong, Biblically speaking, sex is justified after marriage. While I feel there was little we could do BEFORE marriage to remedy it, at least we did have plans in that direction.

I apologize, of course, if this seems hypocritical. The root of the problem, I think, is that there are relatively few physical consequences of sex--diseases, pregnancy--because of preventative and treatment methods. There are also few legal consequences--a man could virtually "buy" a young woman that he "defiled" in OT law, which suggests that the OT Law was less concerned about sexual sin except in a few very specific cases (sex related to idolatry--homosexuality, temple prostitutes, bestiality, and the like; forcible rape, consensual sex with a betrothed virgin). NT doctrine regarding sexual sin seems to rest on cultural conventions as to how laws against premarital sex are enforced, giving emphasis to forgiveness of sin and only saying that unrepentant sinners are destined to eternal separation from God and subsequent damnation. The writers would have advised believers against remaining single if it caused sexual immorality, so I feel my pre-married life is somewhat diminished in light of my life now.

The Christian life should be one of a transformation (towards obedience in God) led by the Holy Spirit. So, I wouldn't see it as a "worry".

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in sinful man, in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit.

Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; the sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so. Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God.

You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Christ. But if Christ is in you, your body is dead because of sin, yet your spirit is alive because of righteousness. And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit, who lives in you.

Therefore, brothers, we have an obligation—but it is not to the sinful nature, to live according to it. For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live, because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory."
-Romans 8:1-17

so in gods mind women are only used for sex, they cant be beautiful? you cant look at a woman and admire her eyes or hair or her lips as an art form? you cant admire gods handy work?

the quotes you listed only show that the men that wrote them were bias. why would god goto the trouble of making women beautiful? or anything beautiful for that matter?