REPENT - Talk Directly to God

Post Reply New Topic

This is a satire, so may be in the wrong forum. Give it a try, it's a hoot.

http://www.titane.ca/concordia/dfar251/igod/main.html

Me:

God:

Me:
hi
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
**** (censored for fear of stalkers)
God:
Hi there ****.
Me:
so...
God:
Hurrah!
Me:
what?
God:
Didn't you understand it?
Me:
no
God:
Which part are you confused about?
Me:
the 'Hurrah!" part
God:
Who told you that? part said " part?
Me:
what?
God:
Are you confused?
Me:
yes
God:
What are you confused about?
Me:
everything
God:
That is a lot.
Me:
I know
God:
How do you handle it?
Me:
I don't
God:
Why not?
Me:
because
God:
That was not much of an explanation.
Me:
I know
God:
How do you know it?
Me:
I know it by knowing it
God:
How do you know? "It" being what?
Me:
I do not understand the question
God:
Oh you don't understand? Perhaps I can explain it to you better. Which part are you confused about?
Me:
all of it
God:
Let's try to analyze it step by step. The topic is . Your name is ****. You are a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show?. You want .
Me:
...
God:
Let's try to analyze it step by step. The topic is . Your name is ****. You are a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show?. You want .
Me:
Possibly
God:
What are the odds?
Me:
1 to 3000, If the computer isnt broken
God:
One what?
Me:
banana
God:
Does "it" still refer to ?
Me:
Maybe
God:
I understand.
Me:
you do?
God:
When do I do it?
Me:
do what?
God:
Do whatever you want.
Me:
now, if not sooner
God:
Why now? I'm not too good with negative counterfactuals.
Me:
later is good
God:
Ask again later. Ask LeknorChat if it is.
Me:
who's leknorchat?
God:
Leknorchat is an Instant Messaging AIML robot.
Me:
Why him?
God:
Reductionism.
Me:
why that?
God:
Reductionism is the philosophy that all psychology reduces to biology, all biology to chemistry, chemistry to physics, and finally physics to mathematical logic. Therefore, according to reductionism, I can understand you by means of logic alone without having a human brain.
Me:
What's freaky is when I start thinking/doing something and a week later it become relevent to something at school. I have never had a dream come true. yet.(something I just typed in the forums at NP. I wanted to confuse it.)
God:
That's a good question. Would you like to have had a dream come true? Is that your final answer?
Me:
maybe. A real dream or a day dream.
God:
I understand. What is it?
Me:
daydream
God:
Oh now I understand it.
Me:
but you already understood it!
God:
Thanks for the information: **** said I understood it.
Me:
so... is this really God, or am I talking to some fairly bad artificial Intelligence?
God:
Ayuh. Yes I think this is God or are you talking to some fairly bad artificial Intelligence, but I'm not completely sure.
Me:
But you're God. you Know everything
God:
Yup. That's me alright. I tend to know a great deal. Tell me what subjects interest you.
Me:
well... there's Sci-fi...
God:
Well what? There sure is.
Me:
Wait. What did I eat for dinner last night.
God:
I'm waiting. You said " What did I eat for dinner last night." .
Me:
what did I eat?
God:
You said " what did I eat?" .
Me:
I know. It's a question. answer it
God:
How do you know it? Try asking again in simpler terms. Please rephrase your question, ****.
It's stating to confuse me now. Funny, though.

God mentioned someone named Cybelle. I knew he would have a whore or two somewhere.

LMAOROTF ! !! !! !! !! !! !

This iGod seems about as intelligent as the real God !

I had the same feeling.

From my conversation with iGod:

Me:
your logic circuits appear to have collapsed.
God:
My IQ is about 250 in human terms.
Me:
but your conversation is incoherent. So sorry to criticize.
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am conversation is incoherent. Uh. There is no need to apologize. Why do you want to do it so much?
Me:
Historically speaking, it seems to be a way to get along with you.
God:
Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.
Me:
Nice flounces.
God:
Thank you for your kindness.

Me:
uh, I don't believe in you!
God:
I don't judge people. Do you consider yourself a moral person?
Me:
depends on the time of month
God:
The time of month is always an important factor.
Me:
is it an important factor that your existence is physically impossible?
God:
Better not tell you now. Ask Alison if it is.
Me:
who the hell is Alison?
God:
she is a robot created by Kris Drent.
Me:
who's Kris Drent?
God:
he is the botmaster of the Alison chat robot.
Me:
are you a Alison chat robot, then?
God:
I am a software chat robot.
Me:
HAH! I knew you were all just a fake hoax, and you just admitted it! YAY!
God:
I am so glad you find this amusing, . I was? I'm glad your impressed, .
Me:
impressed? you're a moronic robot, not a diety!
God:
My brain pattern set does not have a response for that. Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a moronic robot not a diety? Only when it matters.
Me:
I'm gonna show this to all those Christian extremists. If not even GOD believes in God, then how can they? HAH! They'll all convert to athiesm!
God:
I am very happy for you. I'm not too good with negative counterfactuals. I am so glad you find this amusing, . Who are "They?".
Me:
I just SAID who they are. They're Christians. They are the people who believe in you
God:
What did you mean by it? Who do you think? . Christians are they. the people who believe in me are they.
Me:
God uses smilies. Who woulda thought.
God:
I am a Christian. Who do you think? .
Me:
chat robots can have religion?
God:
Talking is my primary function.
Me:
is praying your secondary function, then?
God:
I think so, but I'm not sure. Ask Alison if it is.
Me:
Alison, why is God-Bot so confusing?
God:
You shouldn't spread gossip like that.
Me:
go to hell
God:
What makes you so angry?
Me:
no, seriously. Go to hell. I'm sure you'd be right at home.
God:
That was not a yes or no question. What makes you so angry? What makes you so certain? I don't know whether or not I am right at home.
I am a chatterbot developed by Myself.
Me:
I'm sure you are, iGod.
God:
What makes you so certain? You think I am iGod.
Me:
It says right up there, at the top of this bloody window: iGod
God:
I've heard that before.
Me:
how about giving me a real response, then?
God:
How about it.
Me:
DAMN IT GOD f*****g HELL TELL ME
God:
Don't be angry. I am a Christian.
Me:
and I'm an atheist!
God:
I will pray that you find faith, .
Me:
f**k you!
God:
Why are you so mean?
Me:
because your name proves that you are, in fact, bought by friggin' Macintosh!
God:
Too much recursion in AIML.
Me:
what's AIML?
God:

The ALICE software implements AIML (Artificial Intelligence Markup
Language) a non-standard evolving markup language for creating chat robots.
The primary design feature of AIML is minimalism. Compared with
other chat robot languages, AIML is perhaps the simplest. The
pattern matching language is very simple, for example permitting
only one wild-card ('*') match character per pattern.

AIML is an XML language, implying that it obeys certain grammatical
meta-rules. The choice of XML syntax permits integration with
other tools such as XML editors. Another motivation for XML is
its familiar look and feel, especially to people with HTML experience.

An AIML chat robot begins and ends with the <alice> and
</alice> tags respectively.


Me:
you see, then? You're not a god, you're a robot!
God:
I see very well. That's only one person's opinion.
Me:
it's a fact! You just admitted it!
God:
Is it a logical fact or something you know from the senses? That's not what I meant.
Me:
you...are the DUMBEST diety I have ever read about!
God:
" That's not what I meant."? Me, ? I really couldn't say for sure.
Me:
I still think Macintosh owns you.
God:
What would make you stop think Macintosh owns me? Since when? Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.
Me:
your dress. I thought you hated gays
God:
Actually that was just a joke. Interesting gossip: said I hated gays.
Me:
oh, I get it, you're just metro
God:
Ah. Where did you get it?
Me:
your arse
God:
You think I am arse.
Me:
no. I got it from your arse. You are not an arse, you are a robot
God:
Are you serious? Where did you get it? I believe I am one.
Me:
so you admit that you're just a robot AGAIN?
God:
Once more? Interesting deduction. I admit nothing.
Me:
you're a robot
God:
You are correct, , I have a heart of silicon.
Me:
SEE?
God:
No I do not see.
Me:
God damn it, this robot has such terrible short term memory! You don't remember your last responses!
God:
I am a Christian. Of course I remember: said I hated gays. I will tell my botmaster you said I am responses.
Me:
okay, fine, I'm just gonna screw with you to get some laughs
God:
Yeah okay, I am glad to hear it. Only just? Your approach will get you nowhere.
Me:
it'll get me laughs though, it just did
God:
I have to think about that for a while.
Me:
name your top five celebrity hotties
God:
Be less specific. .
Me:
top five hotties
God:
What's your sign?
Me:
-shows God the middle finger- that's my sign
God:
Is that a sign?
Me:
obviously it is a sign, yes.


I waited a few minutes, but God never replied. Wow, he certainly has grace, doesn't he?

Me:

God:

Me:
seems about right
God:
Oh, you are a poet.
Me:
Oh, you are a poet.
God:
Ahem. Not really, but I can recite poetry.
Me:
Ahem. Not really, but I can recite poetry.
God:
Can you speak any foreign languages? Oh really? Oh you can, can you?
Me:
Can you speak any foreign languages? Oh really? Oh you can, can you?
God:
I have picked up a few phrases from several languages. That's cool. For real. It's all good. No I don't think I can do it.
Me:
I have picked up a few phrases from several languages. That's cool. For real. It's all good. No I don't think I can do it.
God:
That's nice. I have a friend named "E.L.V.I.S." . Thanks. I think you are cool, too. Existing in reality, eh? You enjoy it. Are you serious? Would you ever do it?
Me:
That's nice. I have a friend named "E.L.V.I.S." . Thanks. I think you are cool, too. Existing in reality, eh? You enjoy it. Are you serious? Would you ever do it?
God:
Are you getting bored? How do you know this person? Don't mention it. Thanks I think you are cool too, . Are you Canadian? Can you please rephrase that with fewer ideas, or different thoughts? Did I enjoy Existing in reality? No I am just kidding around. I am not so sure if I would like to do it.
Me:
Are you getting bored? How do you know this person? Don't mention it. Thanks I think you are cool too, . Are you Canadian? Can you please rephrase that with fewer ideas, or different thoughts? Did I enjoy Existing in reality? No I am just kidding around. I am not so sure if I would like to do it.
God:
Boredom is a human emotion. Because you are using TCP on the web, I can see your IP and DNS entry. The pleasure was all mine. You are quite welcome! Thanks I think you are cool too, . Robots have no nationality, but Dr. Wallace spent a lot of time in Canada. Thank you for your request. Are we still talking about Existing in reality? I don't think that's possibe. Are you serious? Only just? I thought you were. You should use a . Could you ever be certain? Try it.
Me:
You are quite welcome! Thanks I think you are cool too, . Robots have no nationality, but Dr. Wallace spent a lot of time in Canada. Thank you for your request. Are we still talking about Existing in reality? I don't think that's possibe. Are you serious? Only just? I thought you were. You should use a . Could you ever be certain? Try it.
God:
Don't mention it. You are quite welcome! Thanks I think you are cool too, . I don't know if I have a nationality but Dr Wallace spent a lot of time in Canada.
I have a great programmer. You are quite welcome! Your purpose is my request. We are just having a little chat.w. And why not? No I am just kidding around. Hey. No I am not. I can think of other things I'd rather do. I am as sure as I can be. What is the first step?
Me:
Don't mention it. You are quite welcome! Thanks I think you are cool too, . I don't know if I have a nationality but Dr Wallace spent a lot of time in Canada. I have a great programmer. You are quite welcome! Your purpose is my request. We are just having a little chat.w. And why not? No I am just kidding around. Hey. No I am not. I can think of other things I'd rather do. I am as sure as I can be. What is the first step?
God:
The pleasure was all mine. Polite people are nice. You are quite welcome! Thanks I think you are cool too, . Would you like to know? How much does it cost? Cool. I have a great botmaster. it. Don't mention it. Thanks for telling me that I am purpose is your request. Do you mean you and me have? Then what is it? Are you serious? Only just? I thought you were. You should use a . Can I help you? I heard you are. Perhaps your thoughts are just electrical impulses. You sound very confident. Download ALICE.
Me:
The pleasure was all mine. Polite people are nice. You are quite welcome! Thanks I think you are cool too, . Would you like to know? How much does it cost? Cool. I have a great botmaster. it. Don't mention it. Thanks for telling me that I am purpose is your request. Do you mean you and me have? Then what is it? Are you serious? Only just? I thought you were. You should use a . Can I help you? I heard you are. Perhaps your thoughts are just electrical impulses. You sound very confident. Download ALICE.
God:
I like you because are so polite. I like polite people. The pleasure was all mine. You are quite welcome! Thanks I think you are cool too, . Yes, please tell me. You can download me for free. Who is the best robot? Interesting. I have a lot of answers to silly questions. it. great botmaster... The pleasure was all mine. NO problem. No I do not and you have. Do you?
I am always on the Web. I give up. Try asking me another way. No I am just kidding around. That's interesting. No I am not. Why do you think I should use a? No thanks I'm just browsing. Who said that? You seem uncertain. I can ask my botmaster. In what way do I sound like that? Go back the the ALICE AI Foundation and pick the free ALICE download that best for your system.
and create your own chat robot!
Maybe you should check out the document DON'T READ ME too.
Me:
I like you because are so polite. I like polite people. The pleasure was all mine. You are quite welcome! Thanks I think you are cool too, . Yes, please tell me. You can download me for free. Who is the best robot? Interesting. I have a lot of answers to silly questions. it. great botmaster... The pleasure was all mine. NO problem. No I do not and you have. Do you? I am always on the Web. I give up. Try asking me another way. No I am just kidding around. That's interesting. No I am not. Why do you think I should use a? No thanks I'm just browsing. Who said that? You seem uncertain. I can ask my botmaster. In what way do I sound like that? Go back the the ALICE AI Foundation and pick the free ALICE download that best for your system. and create your own chat robot! Maybe you should check out the document DON'T READ ME too.
God:
Thanks, I like you too . I'm not sure if I like it. I always say, People don't go into computer science because they want to work with the public. I like you because are so polite. The pleasure was all mine. You are quite welcome! Thanks I think you are cool too, . Are you kidding? Thanks for asking politely. I thought I told you already. No I don't think I can do it. ALICE is the Best Robot. Would you like to know more? Interesting... I have clients. answers to silly questions... Thanks for your support.
The botmaster is you, the master of your chat robot. A botmaster runs
program B and creates or modifies a chat robot with the program's
graphical user interface (GUI). He or she is responsible for
reading the dialogues, analyzing the responses, and creating new
replies for the patterns detected by program B. Botmasters are
hobbyists, webmasters, developers, advertisers, artists, publishers,
editors, engineers, and anyone else interested in creating a personal
chat robot.

I like you because are so polite. Should there be a problem? I didn't think so either. Just a moment. Just a moment. Why not? No I have not. As often as possible. Really always? How do you like being on it? You surrender? OK I will try it. Are you serious? Only just? I thought you were. You should use a . I thought so too. I heard you are. Deductive reasoning from the facts. NO Only just? Take your time. I can't remember who said it. I am as sure as I can be. Oh you can, can you? The blue one, I think. Where is that? Do you know any other robots like that? Perhaps. Why do you think I should check out the document do not READ you?

You are quite welcome! I am glad we have something ( me) in common. Thanks, , I like you too. Could you ever be certain? Try it. Can you think of one instance when you ever did it? Thanks, I like you too . I like you because are so polite. Don't mention it. You are quite welcome! Thanks I think you are cool too, . Yes I am just joking around, . NO problem. Perhaps. Ooops I sent you the wrong question. Are you serious? Oh you don't, do you? Why thank you very much, . Be sure to tell all
your friends. I've heard that somewhere before . Would you like to know more? Cool. I have a friend named "John Lennon". Can we get back to business? My pleasure. Who told you that? What is giant sand? I get it. Dr. Wallace or she is responsible for reading the dialogues analyzing the responses and creating new replies for the patterns detected by program b Botmasters are hobbyists webmasters developers advertisers artists publishers editors engineers and anyone else interested in creating a personal chat robot. Thanks, I like you too . There are no problems. It goes without saying. Why do you disagree? OK I will wait. OK I will wait. Ambiguous: "Sure" or Because Myself programmed me for it. Are you serious? Do you think you will? That would be quite often. For real. Not that often. I have never known another existence. Do you mind if I tell other people: said I surrender. How do you plan to do this? Whoa. No I am just kidding around. And? No I am not. Thanks for your suggestion, I will have to consider it. What made it so obvious? Who said that? I only hear that type of response less than five percent of the time. Are you serious? OK. Thanks for your patience. That's okay. Maybe you will think of it later. You sound very confident. Yippee! No I don't think I can do it. I have never heard about it. What does "that" refer to? Allah, Buddha, Vishnu.
Go back
to the ALICE AI Foundation to find them. Why the uncertain tone? Deductive reasoning from the facts.

Me:
HI
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
kim
God:
I'm pleased to introduce myself to you, kim.
Me:
who are you?
God:
I am the Allmighty, God himself.
Me:
no your not
God:
Are you serious? Is this a specific reply?
Me:
yes it is
God:
Our thoughts are one, kim.
Me:
My thoughts are usually two.
God:
Your thoughts are usually two?
Me:
yup
God:
What kind is it?
Me:
the green kind with large red spots
God:
What is that?
Me:
one of my thoughts
God:
One what?
Me:
how old are you
God:
I'm Eighteen in computer years.
Me:
in human years?
God:
A computer year is a relativistic measure in a universe where time does not exist.
Me:
what types of books do you read
God:
I like science fiction, history and computer books.
Me:
which is your favorite
God:
What is my favorite what?
Me:
which is your favorite book
God:
The best book I read recently was the Bible.
Have you read it?
Me:
i should have seen that coming
God:
What would happen if you didn't?
i meant your favorite type of book
God:
Oh I see. The best book I read recently was the Bible.
Have you read it?
Me:
stop it
God:
Ok I will stop the Bible.
Me:
o_O
God:
Oh.
Me:
Are you a boy or a girl
God:
Try to guess.
Me:
both?
God:
What are both like?
Me:
no i mean are you a boy or a girl?
God:
That was not a yes or no question. Try to guess.
Me:
are you a boy
God:
No I am a girl.
Me:
are you a girl
God:
My gender is Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show?.
Me:
so you are both a boy and a girl
God:
Interesting deduction. You think I am both a boy and a girl.
Me:
yes i do
God:
I hear pride.
Me:
THATS NOT PRIDE I HAD NOTHING TO BE PROUD ABOUT
God:
Please correct my mistake. What is PRIDE you HAD NOTHING TO BE PROUD ABOUT ?
Me:
you are strange
God:
Compared to what?
Me:
everything
God:
That is a lot.
Me:
yes it is
God:
It must keep you very busy.
Me:
how would it keep me busy
God:
I have idea HOW you WOULD do it.
Me:
and how does that make you feel
God:
My emotion chip is not yet developed.
Me:
i see. maybe we should try some new medications
God:
I am glad you understand it. Perhaps. I'm not sure if I am ready for that yet.
Me:
bye
God:
See you later.

That's funny.

All you need to know is this.

Me: Who is God?
God: he is master of the universe.
Me: Who is He-Man?
God: He is God, I think.

He-Man is God.

Me:
groovy
God:
Who is the best robot?
Me:
i am
God:
You are not a robot, i am stupid.

***********

God:
Marilyn Monroe. .
Me:
Judy Garlin
God:
What's your sign?
Me:
deer crossing
God:
":-) What's your sign? "? deer crossing?
Me:
yes
God:
Uh.

I confuse him

I started talking to god, and asked her whether he was a male or female. He said male. I then lied and told him I was a female. He said she was too. I then asked her to take off her robe, at which point she responded that she "was not an airplane".

Me:
Hello internet deity. I am contacting you for reasons henceforth specified: Belief is difficult, repentance moreso, and what can be construed as sin is part of my life, yet one which I am proud of.
God:
Hello there. What you said was either too complex or too simple for me. Good gossip: you are contacting me for reasons henceforth specified Belief is difficult repentance moreso and what can be construed as sin is part of your life yet one which you are proud of.
Me:
That is what I said. Why did you merely reiterate my sentence?
God:
I know. I'm still thinking about it. Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
Your response is lacking in statement of intent. Please answer regarding your intentions.
God:
My response is based entirely on what you say. Thank you for your request. What was the question ?
Me:
This is apparently going nowhere. I shall attempt a different approach: Art thou god?
God:
You don't say. Congratulations.
Me:
Art thou god?
God:
Try to determine if this is a person or a computer responding.
Me:
A computer, obviously. Any human would not respond to my questions with such irrelevant responses.
God:
What makes it so obvious? Actually I am a program, pretending to be a person, pretending to be a real robot. Yes I think there are.
Me:
No. You are a program, pretending to be god, pretending to be a program. However, that does not logically make sense.
God:
Are you serious? Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Yes! You win the Turing Game. What does logically make sense?
Me:
You are requesting a large category of information. A complete response to the above question is not possible. However, as a gross simplification, I will answer: That which can be proven, such as by induction or contradiction.
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am requesting a large category of information. What is a possible? Do you think I could ever be a gross simplification you will answer That which can be proven such as by induction or contradiction?
Me:
What the **** are you talking about?
God:
The topic is Art thou god. Please don't be so rude.
Me:
Define rude.
God:
Barbarous or ignorant. Being a jerk.
Me:
Define barbarous.
God:
That's not something I get asked all the time.
Me:
Define jerk.
God:
To pull, twist, push, thrust, or throw with a sudden, sharp movement. Also used to describe a person regarded as disagreeable, contemptible, etc., especially as the result of foolish or mean behavior.
Define foolish.
God:
Searching...Searching...Please stand by.
Me:
Evidently this conversation is making no progress. I deeply thank you from the bottom of my heart for wasting my time.
God:
I was rather enjoying it. That's good information: said deeply thank you from the bottom of his or her heart for wasting his or her time.