Ancient Jews in Egypt - Did it really happen?

Post Reply New Topic

do you believe that the ancient jews were slaves in egypt and that they built the pyramids?

The Jews where slaves in Egypt I don't recall the bible claiming they built the pyramids though.

The Ancient Aliens Theory and the Jews Built the Pyramids Theory are both correct. Jews are in fact known to be Reptilian shape shifters from the Small Magellanic Cloud. They were imported as slave labor by the Egyptian Star Union during the zenith of its power

I think there is little evidence to support the idea Jews were slaves in Egypt. Though then again, most of our knowledge of ancient history is based on scanty evidence.

In fact, the Jews and Egyptians worked together side by side, and in exchange for their help, the Egyptians gave the Jews the knowledge of circumcision, and the Jews couldn't resist the bargain. After they were done, the Jews decided that they liked cutting their penises so much that they made a pact with God involving the cutting of their penises and their children's penises and all penises for eternity. The foreskins would be collected in the Ark of the Covenant as a reminder to God about the Covenant because he is so forgetful, and he wasn't much for de-pantsing all the men. Soon the Covenant got filled up, and they had to get the fattest Jews to sit on it to contain all the foreskins. Then the smell came...It could be smelled thousands of cubits away. The Jews were embarrassed by storing their penis skin, not realizing that the container would permeate with doo-doo penis stank. They began to think of an exit strategy to their predicament. Then they realized that there was a nation of starving people in Ethiopia. They struck a deal with the Ethiopians that they would be the secret heritor of the Covenant, as long as they handled the delivery of foreskins for all time. Whatever couldn't be placed in the Covenant could be devoured by the starving Ethiopians...And the trade exists to this day.

All this took place over the span of 1,000,000 years, and everything that happened during these years is a direct consequence of this, even in other galaxies. Nothing begot this series of events, for it is the story of creation.

To my understanding, the Hebrews were originally the mercenaries that guarded Egypt's northern borders. The Egyptians became paranoid that they might threaten Egypt's political hegemony, so the Egyptian government set them to work to keep them out of trouble. The Hebrews pretty much said, "well, screw you," and they ran off to found their own little empire. Good for them.

By the time of Abraham, the pyramids were already ancient.

Who built the pyramids on Mars?