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Why do movies based on the Bible usually suck?

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pandabear
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05 Jan 2012, 2:55 pm

On the one hand, Charleton Heston did make a fairly good Moses, and Willem Dafoe was convincing as Jesus.

On the other hand, I just finished One Night with the King

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GjLy-oYnXBo[/youtube]

based on the Book of Esther, which could be turned into a decent movie, but wasn't. The scenery and costumes were good. The actress who played Esther was quite pretty. But, the acting was terrible, the script was putrid, and there was hardly any life to the movie. Important details (from the Bible) were left out, Erroneous details worked in, and the character Xerxes was unconvincing.

I remember seeing the movie King David, with Richard Gere in the title role. What a hack job that was. One of the most colourful characters in the Bible, turned into a dullard.

Then, Mel Gibson's portrayal of Jesus--ends up being a movie about a rather dull guy who gets the snot beaten out of him.



Tim_Tex
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05 Jan 2012, 3:02 pm

Actually, it was Jim Caviezel who played Jesus in the Passion.



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05 Jan 2012, 3:06 pm

They usually suck because (1) they're working from a fixed script, and (2) the stories have already been told.

Who needs yet another movie version of the crucifixion?



shrox
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05 Jan 2012, 3:25 pm

They usually aren't made by gifted filmmakers.



John_Browning
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05 Jan 2012, 3:26 pm

If you don't like those, don't bother with any apocalyptic-themed ones. :wink:


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Fnord
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05 Jan 2012, 3:32 pm

Weren't there other historical events happening around the same time as Biblical events?

Did you know that Cyrus II, Pythagoras, Siddharta (the Buddha), and Confucius were all alive at the same time? This was during or soon after the "Ionian Enlightenment Period". Why hasn't there been a glut of movies focusing on the life of one of these men? Didn't they also contribute to human development?



puddingmouse
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05 Jan 2012, 3:47 pm

Fnord wrote:
Weren't there other historical events happening around the same time as Biblical events?

Did you know that Cyrus II, Pythagoras, Siddharta (the Buddha), and Confucius were all alive at the same time? This was during or soon after the "Ionian Enlightenment Period". Why hasn't there been a glut of movies focusing on the life of one of these men? Didn't they also contribute to human development?


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Confucius_(2010_film)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Siddhartha_(film)

But they apparently suck, too. :lol:


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Fnord
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05 Jan 2012, 4:05 pm

Maybe if a movie were made about them as the "Fantastic Four" of the Bronze Age world?

Pythagoras: The Planner. Knows all the angles. Keep him away from beans.

Confucius: The Regulator. Knows all the rules. Do unto him, and he'll do unto you.

Buddha: The Thinker. Hard to tell what he knows. Yet somehow, the truth is always revealed.

Cyrus II: The Liberator. You will be assimilated first, however. His word is law.


... nah ... never work ...



peebo
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05 Jan 2012, 4:49 pm

i vaguely recall the last temptation of christ being quite good. but i suppose it didn't stick very rigidly to the plot...


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ruveyn
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05 Jan 2012, 6:01 pm

Fnord wrote:
Maybe if a movie were made about them as the "Fantastic Four" of the Bronze Age world?

Pythagoras: The Planner. Knows all the angles. Keep him away from beans.

Confucius: The Regulator. Knows all the rules. Do unto him, and he'll do unto you.

Buddha: The Thinker. Hard to tell what he knows. Yet somehow, the truth is always revealed.

Cyrus II: The Liberator. You will be assimilated first, however. His word is law.


.


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snapcap
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05 Jan 2012, 6:10 pm

Why do most Kung Fu movies suck?


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05 Jan 2012, 6:13 pm

snapcap wrote:
Why do most Kung Fu movies suck?


Isn't that part of their charm?


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05 Jan 2012, 6:14 pm

Image



snapcap
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05 Jan 2012, 6:18 pm

puddingmouse wrote:
snapcap wrote:
Why do most Kung Fu movies suck?


Isn't that part of their charm?


There certainly is a novelty there that loses it's appeal after the first few movies.


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androbot2084
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05 Jan 2012, 6:21 pm

I wrote a novel which is a more modern interpretation of the book of Esther.



puddingmouse
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05 Jan 2012, 6:23 pm

snapcap wrote:
puddingmouse wrote:
snapcap wrote:
Why do most Kung Fu movies suck?


Isn't that part of their charm?


There certainly is a novelty there that loses it's appeal after the first few movies.


Maybe I'm just easily amused. Or easily drunk. :lol:

Bad kung fu films and beer never fail me.


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