Is fifty shades of grey abuse?

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Unfortunately I just got dragged to this movie against my will. Prior to seeing it there's several memes going around about how Mr. Grey is an abuser and how this movie poorly portrays the actual BDSM culture among many other things. I didn't really care because I felt I'd never see this movie so I put little thought into it.

I don't want to get involved in a debate on what woman are/are not or should/should not be attracted to, but I always thought stalking was one of the most unacceptable things you could do as a member of society. How is it that he can show up to her work uninvited, buy rope, cables, zip ties, and make a comment about wanting to see her naked and that's somehow sexually appealing and not extremely creepy? How is it she can say "It was nice knowing you" and he can travel 150 miles, showing up in her home uninvited? There's plenty other examples and those who've seen the movie know how he just shows up without her telling him where she is.

How do other people feel? Was it okay for him to behave how he was because she never really told him to stop? Was he legitimately stalking her?

you can move this to film if you want but I wanted a more serious answer than that forum would offer, since people like to discuss feminism here often i felt it was more appropriate to post it here

If a man behaved that way in real life it would be creepy and stalking.

Romantic movies routinely have the man do things that would be socially or legally unaceptable in real life.* Action movies do a similar thing by portraying a hero who is allowed to cause catastrophic collatoral damage with no consequences.

It's a movie thing. Movies operate in a parallel universe where consequences work differently. Every man who has seen a romantic movie since the genre was invented has probably thought "huh? I thought women hated that?" about some scene. Fantasy operates in a different psychological realm and can't be safely mapped onto real life.

My personal favorite that shows up in romance scenes is the million candle scene. Maybe 50 Shades had this too? It's the scene where the characters make out against a backdrop of candles burning on every single flat surface. The fantasy part of me thinks that is awesome. The reality part of me knows that would lead to dying in a fire. There probably are people who started fires because they thought this fantasy scene was ok to act out in reality.


*This isn't unique to the male romantic lead, it's just that men are the pursuers in most romantic movies. But in movies where women are the pursuers, they also do things that would be creepy and sometimes illegal.

http://www.bustle.com/articles/32565-11-depressing-romcom-truths-that-will-destroy-your-belief-in-true-love

I read the first 5 or 6 pages of the book and put it down. I'm surprised any publisher got further than that.

As for the story and the film, I only have 3rd hand comments to go on, and peculiar interviews with the lead actors, but from the sound of it, the film is no better than the book.

This is a fun little review, from a presenter here who doesn't usually go out of her way to make this kind of stand:

Whatever the hell it is, it sells, and apparently that's all that matters. An accurate reflection of what's in demand.

I have a friend who saw that movie with one of her dates (she went on two) on VD. She's the kind who is just blinded by scenes and displays of 'romance' that, I believe she seriously looks up to and tries to follow what characters in those movies do.

Example, backing up all of her ideas and fantasies of eloping with things she 'saw in a movie once', during an argument with a friend...like hitchhiking on a cargo ship, or something. Or trainhopping.

It's a fantasy in movie form. If nothing else, it's an instruction video on what do do if you want to get arrested or have a restraining order put against you.

....don't take my word for it though. seeing as i haven't watched it, y'know..

I don't particularly care isn't it just a carbon copy clone of twilight with bdsm?

i can't decide if it's better than twilight since it has less books and less material, or worse since they're evidently...worse.

latter, maybe. though i guess it's a fad and will be forgotten soon after the last movie comes out.

While there's no doubt that the books and the movies are absolutely terrible and full of outright abuse, I would question whether or not it is directly contributing to the abuse of women in real life.

Human being is complicated and the movie FIFTY SHADES OF GREY is much deeper than skin deep BLACK AND WHITE MORALITY AND ETHICS.

'The guy' HAS problems.. REAL EMOTIONAL DISCONNECTED problems.

The girl tries to fix him.

It doesn't work.

Happens all the time.

And she enjoys quite a bit of what she GETS, OUT OF THE SO-CALLED SOCIAL NORM.

Sex, is certainly not black and white and top on bottom, at least in the U.S., where anything goes, as humans can develop sexual fetishes for anything goes, particularly if they are led in whatever direction by someone they like, WITHOUT MUCH EXPERIENCE in something else.

The deeper moral AND ETHICAL lesson, again in this MOVIE, IS, life is not black and white.

'The dude' has horrifying neglect under the age of 4 and has sexual abuse as a teenager, as well, DRIVEN by a crack addict mother, and an older woman who takes advantage of whatever 'innocence' he has left, at that teenage point.

Anyone who goes through neglect under the age 4 ends up as damaged goods, as science now shows that the wiring in the brain that allows human beings to get that warm and fuzzy oxytocin feeling and emotional contagion associated with MIRROR NEURON affective empathy to enjoy more about human connections than watching someone else squirm whether that be small animals or young ladies APPLIES TO THIS MOVIE.

AND SCIENCE ALSO SHOWS that there is no likely cure for this psychopathic leaning condition with any therapy available whether one wants to define it as sociopathy or narcissism.

To not be loved as a small child is to crave something, anything, to fill a black hole soul that can never be filled no matter how much power, money, planes, cars, helicopters or billions or even zillions of dollars are accumulated.

IT (NOT GETTING AN APPROPRIATE SUPPLY OF LOVE OR A SUPPLY OF ABUSE) is ALSO A PROGENITOR OF Border Line Personality disorder, as well.

Nothing MATERIALISTIC values the price of LOVE.

And that is the ethical AND MORAL message of the movie.

The simple answer for society is to MAKE SURE THAT YOUNG CHILDREN RECEIVE PHYSICAL AND EMOTIONAL NURTURING BY THEIR CAREGIVERS, OTHERWISE more 'Christian Greys' will live on in the sad song of the empty HEART AND soul.

My wife 'MAKES' me GO to the movie, and I already knOW there WILL be no happy ending, to this installment, at least.

Many women in 'history' ATTEMPT to fix guys like this, as a nurturing research project, if they have it in 'em, which they often do.

But It will not work, as science now shows, even too, above and beyond the Romantic tales of men not fixed by the women who WILL love to fix 'em.

And of course women get in this boat too, and some men try to fix them too.....

Been there, done it, and it didn't work for me either.

I was the one who tried to do the fixin'.....by the way, if that's not clear..

GIRL STILL BROKE.

AND GIRL IS STILL BROKE.

BROKE EMOTIONS ARE A CRUEL RECIPE FOR A LACK OF LOVE IN CHILDHOOD and OR, PER ABUSE.

People who have loads of love trust in others and the rest of nature PER UNCONDITIONALLY LOVING CAREGIVERS IN CHILDHOOD AND ABOVE AND IN GETTING that kinDa LOVE FROM OTHERS TOO, are magnets for folks with black hole souls and hearts....

AS IT is the greatest desire of anyone who does not experience love, to get IT anyway they can.

And if that doesn't work, the 'weird' stuff like getting something, any feeling, out of someone else's pain, whether that be small animals or young ladies can and DOES OCCUR.


AND THAT IS BLACK HEART AND HOLE SOUL, class 101....

Any questions.....

Fiction and entertainment

That means we don't apply it to the real world.

I love watching westerns with bandits, but I don't love bandits in reality.

I wouldn't even call it controversial. It is not worth dignifying with challenge.

At the end of the day it is fantasy, bad fantasy, but fantasy none-the-less.

A contract like this can easily be broken, it is not binding. The only mitigation is some degree of consent.

Fifty Shades of Grey is abuse of literature and now its been turned over to cinema's to abuse movie goers. I read some of the book but had to stop because it was so poorly written that I felt I would become an idiot if I continued. If women like to be abused let them, if men want to do the abuse let them, but they will be a minority.

Forcing people to read/watch it is definitely abuse.