My recent conversion to Christianity

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In January of this year I received the Holy Spirit after 13 years of being an agnostic/atheist/deist (never totally sure which at the time) because I felt that the world was evil and my life was cursed. I also felt like I didn't have free will because of my OCD. I even publicly denounced Jesus and God on the Internet, blasphemed, because I was so angry at how hard my life was and how cruel the world I was born into seemed to be.

After months of searching for the truth my OCD and physical pains disappeared, as well as my desire for cannabis (which is legal in Oregon where I live), alcohol and pornography, which were my comfort blankets and ways to numb my pain. In its place I've experienced beautiful things like directly experiencing the happiness of others (something I could rarely do directly because of my OCD and pain despite my concern for others' well being in general) and seeing soothing colors I wasn't able to see before.

Since then I sleep well at night and life seems so easy and happy. I no longer fear death or pain - at least not as much.

Accepting the Holy Spirit and brother/sisterhood of man was easy, but accepting Jesus as Lord was a lot more difficult. Having the Spirit in me made me feel godlike and it was hard to be humble and accept that a being greater than myself with greater plans, who could destroy me if he wanted to existed.

Personally I think Jesus is a merciful God and I view eternal Hell as a non-literal metaphor for the Grave. Knowing you've chosen death and cessation of existence when you could have gone to an eternal banquet because of your pride and choosing earthly pleasures instead is like burning for eternity in comparison to what Paradise will be like. The thing is God can't force us to accept Him because prideful people might not even enjoy Paradise and since God is all good, he's not going to force it on them.

Good for you. I'm not an atheist/agnostic because I feel like the world is evil and my life is cursed. I'm an agnostic atheist because no religion fits in with our understanding of the world through science, and because they are illogical. I don't need to be saved. I'm not worried about hell.

Christianity is illogical and is mythology in my opinion. The whole idea is silly to me.

What wonderful news, Decadeology!

I'm happy to hear that you are being blessed by the Lord.
Be aware that life as a Christian is not always an easy one ...
especially in these times.
But the joy of the Lord is our strength.

As Charlie Johnston would say in encouragement,
"Acknowledge God,
Take the next right step, and
Be a sign of hope to those around you."

For those of us who are Catholic Christians, today is Divine Mercy Sunday ...
because yes, Jesus is Mercy.

May Jesus continue to bless you
as you place your trust in Him.

...

Congrats.

God has kept me alive this long for a reason. He kept me alive through a few suicide attempts. He showed me a path out of addiction. I have lived through Hell, I have been tested, I have tasted absolute defeat and the destruction of my will.

Yet I still stand.

God does not hate. He took all of me. Even the parts I wanted to keep swept under the rug. With my faith, I am able to pick myself up and move forward. To me, God is a source of strength that never runs thin. I am able to be the man I want to be. I am able to live how I want to live. I am eternally a work in progress, but I had to find my faith before I could seriously throw myself into my work.

Does this make sense?

Great news, Decadeology!

Your story reminds me of C.S. Lewis who, after many years as an "agnostic/atheist/deist," finally accepted J.R.R. Tolkien's invitation to rejoin Christianity. Lewis didn't completely agree with Tolkien. Tolkien lobbied quite strongly to encourage Lewis to join the Catholic Church, but Lewis chose the Church of England, instead. Nonetheless, Lewis and Tolkien remained friends for the rest of their lives.

Lewis went on to write some of the best Christian apologetics since the King James Version was published.

Found some videos you might like

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e5vh6-7Skvs

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PUK1P5x9Xak

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LZi3el3YB3M

Congratulations! Even though I fall off the wagon once in the while, the leaders in my Church understand because of my age

I like Yeshua ha Moshiach (aka Jesus Christ) the guy and what he taught. Christianity as a religion? Not really, it's full of money grubbers, narcissists, and fear peddlers-and those are just the leaders. I think if Yeshua saw a megachurch, he'd start up a backhoe and start tearing it down. I call myself a "fan of Yeshua", not a "Christian".

Hello decade, a while ago, Noah posted a video that really solidified my faith in God. While as a Physics student, I knew of the anthropic principle for a while, this video articulates it all in around five minutes. I highly recommend that you watch it.

Not sure anything in the religion implies there is any kind of 'eternal banquet' in heaven, so not so sure where you got that. It's just as viable when you die Christian or not it will simply be cessation of existence...would it still be worth worshiping god and jesus if you found out there will be no heaven and you will cease existence just like non-believers?

Also, though I'd question any belief that tries to tell me pleasures of the earth are 'evil' why should the earth that we depend on to live be seen as a bad thing that you want to keep yourself separate from?

People who use the name of Christ for financial gain or for the exploitation of other humans are the ones who are truly using his name in vain.

I can only speak for myself. God accepts me when I cannot. Without Him, I am nothing. Without Him, I am a mere addict. This all may be mental masturbation, as I do have doubts about the existence of a higher power. But I have to believe that there is a father out there who loves everybody, who grants everybody a chance at dignity. Otherwise, the insanity of my past will eat me alive.