Is Teaching Of Manners Contributing To Bullying?

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https://www.theodysseyonline.com/teaching-manners-contributing-bullying

Maybe, but I saw it less as teaching manners incorrectly, and more as wise-guy bullies bullying someone rude or not using their manners and using it as an excuse to bully.

But yes there is also the aggressive push by some to force people to behave a certain way.

I think it was wrong of the mother to just throw her kids ice cream away. It's like she took them to Dairy Queen and waited for them to screw up to take away what she gave them. No parent likes to punish their kids. Whatever happened to "What do you say kids?" You remind them. But taking away stuff every time they do something wrong is setting them up for social anxiety. If anyone was a bully, I think it was the mother.

The way to curb bullying is to have parents and authority figures model respect. Teaching manners is superficial. I guess to end the cycle everyone would have to go into therapy. Probably not going to happen.

I couldn't read that. Such a long ramble waffle of an article. There's nowt wrong with teaching manners to children. However, Jamie Primak Sulivan was just having a power control high and then wanted to find approval from strangers on the Internet to get a validation high. Sounds a bit Npd to me.

Notably she herself did not thank the server. She just started at her like a loony. How is that teaching your children manners? You teach best by example. All she had to do was say, "what do you say?" the kids say thank you and then she smiles at the server, looks her in the eye and says thank you.

That's what a normal, balanced person would do, but she wanted a power trip because there's obviously something really wrong going in in that poor woman's head.

Even my Mum wouldn't do something that crazy.

This isn't about manners. Abusive control freaks will always be abusive control freaks whether they dress it up as "teaching manners" or "teaching maths"

My siblings and I would whole-heartedly disagree with that statement. There are parents who seem to look for any opportunity to punish and terrorize their children, going so far as to punish every one of their children for the sins of one, even when the "sins" are imaginary.

If the police can enjoy punishing others for any reason, so can parents.

I'll admit I didn't read it, hence the short response, but I only knew it would be a load of rubbish.

Teaching manners properly? the whole problem in one statement

it is "teaching proper manners"!
And part of that is self -respect, respect, empathy and consideration.

My father said good manners were a sign of my own confidence and to be mannerly to others was respect to myself as well as the recipients.
He was dreadfully hostile to bad manner but no showmanship. It was the emanating disapproval like a trainer gives a dog that immediately falls to pieces to fall in line and get back in grace. No fear of threat. The fear of being shunned as not "part of".


I never thought my manners when I still had them contributed to a bully targeting me. Though a few bullies equated it with "spoiled""snobbery" and "money".
People with issues will always act out. We can only drown their negativity with good manners. You cant kill everyone for being an arse...tempting as that is >_<

My manners have slipped in last 2 decades between my extreme lack of respect for humanity and the internet. But I try to revive them and am glad my children have them also.

Manners can open a lot of doors that just had an eye in the peephole

PS and teaching manners id like grammar nazis. A weak attempt to inflate oneself. You SHOW manners. And that teaches them. And you start with the young

For those who haven't read it this is the rant she posted:

The key word for me in OP question is teaching.

For decades I have worked with parents, police, school/students. I have seen good bad and ugly in the area of teaching. (Myself included)

Manners some say is in the eye or country of the beholder Thumbs up in the US of A is OK. In some other countries not so good.

Those aren't normal parents though. No ordinary parent wants to punish their child but they do it because they have to. Those who enjoy it and do it just because are not normal.

Honestly, there's been times where I either outright forgot to say thank you or even just felt what the other person did wasn't significant enough to warrant a 'thank you' (small, insignificant tasks, etc.), especially if they made a mistake of some kind (e.g. I ordered some food, I only found out they got some of my order wrong so I had to walk back and they fixed their mistakes. Gave no thanks)

I'd be more concerned about people even thinking they're entitled to a 'thank you'.

Most people might be genuine when they thank their family or friends, but to random people at a store or restaurant, some say thank you only out of politeness and don't actually mean it. So what difference does it make if N.T.'s don't pull the typical fake politeness card?

Honestly, people in the service industry have a job to do, their 'thank you' is their paycheck and all they really need and should expect, people actually saying thank you to them for what a great job they've done is just extra. 'Thank you's' are more like tips to me - they are earned for satisfying the customer, not a given.

I'd also say children tend to be more in their own world's and less aware of their surroundings. I remember as a kid when given a treat such as candy or ice cream, my mind was focused only on on thing at the time - "Yay! Candy/ice cream! Yum, I'm going to enjoy it!"

Children's minds are more simple and less complex, and I've noticed even the children taught proper manners extensively still might need to be reminded from time-to-time, just like even sometimes adults might have too much on their mind to focus on such insignificant details as saying a few words - sometimes a thank you is implied in your actions and body language, e.g. openly showing satisfaction, rather than having to use words to express it.

Besides, I've said thank you to people in a certain job or career field before and they respond rudely or reject it. Maybe it wasn't always the right situation, maybe they were just in a hurry or having a bad day, but it happens far too often to say it's a coincidence.

I don't understand teaching manners. At least the way that parents usually do it. If you have to command someone to be sorry, or grateful, then it isn't genuine. If I choose to do something for someone, I don't care if they say "thank you". I was the one who decided to help them, they shouldn't be forced to do anything in return unless it was something previously agreed upon.

When I lived with my grandparents, they got mad at me because I apparently wasn't grateful enough. I did thank them for things, but it wasn't enough. Apparently they expected me to be constantly groveling at their feet. They OFFERED to have me stay with them, it wasn't even my idea, and I might have been homeless otherwise, so I figured they just wanted to help me because we were family. I guess what they really wanted was for me to make them feel like my saviors.

L_Holmes your attitude comes off as a bit entitled. They didn't have to offer their home for you to stay in. So yes, they did help because they're family, most likely because they love you.

But if you come over like you're entitled to help, then that can make even family feel used. They maybe feel like you don't love them back and are just taking advantage of their generosity.

Well you weren't there, so how would you know? I did thank them for letting me stay there, I thanked her almost every night for dinner except when I forgot etc.

They literally told me once that I should be thanking them profusely for everything they were doing. I think that's inappropriate. I didn't beg them to take me in, I had a full-time job almost immediately, bought a car etc. I was making clear efforts to be independent, and that was a manifestation of my appreciation. But at the time I was simply unable to afford being on my own.

So why should I have to constantly say, "I know I've said it before, but I'm SO SO grateful for everything you do. I know you don't have to or want to, I know I'm just a burden, and you guys are just the greatest grandparents ever for helping out a worthless piece of scum like me." I didn't appreciate them trying to guilt me into thanking them for something I already acknowledged and thanked them for.

The bottom line is, they had unrealistic expectations. I was going through a really tough time in my life and all they cared about was that I didn't say "thank you" enough. Even when I did they said it wasn't good enough because I didn't make them feel my genuine gratitude. Well what do you want, 100 empty "thank you"s, a monologue about how great you are? No thanks.

Do we teach ourselves how to finesse situation to
A. Our advantage
B. Our families advantage
C. Betterment of our definition of our world.
D. Betterment of the culture of our neighborhoods
E. Dear Abby
F. None of the above

Random thoughts on a Friday evening Eve...