Why can't men understand women?

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I have always wondered why a lot of men can't understand women. In fact, I think a lot of people wonder this same question which I have just typed here. Why do you think that a lot men can't understand women?

With all curiousity,

-LegoMaster2149 (Written on September 2, 2017)

Last edited by LegoMaster2149 on 02 Sep 2017, 6:34 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Men can't understand women; similarly, women can't understand men.

Individual women are not the Universal Woman.

Individual men are not the Universal Man.

I seek to understand individuals, not Universals.

I don't. Where are you getting your information?

It was just a question I have been thinking about for some time.

For the same reason why women can't understand men.

Leaving aside the fact I was being a tad flippant, why have you been thinking about it and in what context? The notion that men and women can't understand each other is more a fictional trope than an actual phenomenon. It's an exaggeration of the broad differences between men and women rather than a factual description of an overarching communication failure, and it'd be very difficult to separate out which parts are informed by biology and which are the result of cultural transmission.

Because sometimes I wonder if I am being insensitive when I speak to women sometimes in real life, virtually or when I use Discord to talk to my ex. Perhaps it might be because of low self esteem?

You need to help us to focus more sharply on what exactly you are asking.

Your profile says "male".

So are you asking "why do we men find women so hard to understand?"?
Are you including yourself?

Or are you asking "why is the rest of the male gender so bone headed that they don't understand women is well as I do?"?

Or what exactly?

Last edited by naturalplastic on 02 Sep 2017, 6:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.

1. Inability to empathize.
2. Refusal to listen.

Men can obviously not experience life as a woman first hand but some men can observe and envision themselves in the situations women often find themselves in, or listen to the experiences of women and try to understand what it's like to be in that position, and these men are best able to understand women.

One stereotyped claim that persists against women is that women are less logical and more emotional. This idea causes some men to dismiss women. But men and women are equally logical with respect to their priorities, needs, goals, and positions in life.

I'm certainly not your typical female. I would not object to the notion that I might have a (pre-pubescent) "male brain", and I grew up in a male dominated environment. I was usually the only female in the class and most of my friends were male, but I can't claim I had the male experience because society related to me and treated me as female. So I try my best to listen to males when they talk about their experiences and perspectives on living life as a male, and I attempt to envision myself in that situation, and through this, I think I have come to understand many things about males.

However, some things, particularly those pertaining to sexual harassment and violence, I don't really understand. I understand in a superficial sense because I have read articles on them, but don't understand in an empathetic sense. For example, I understand why some men send d!ck pics, but I don't understand why they would feel compelled to, and many seem to come by this impulse independently. I don't understand why some men cat call and make lewd comments to women, when doing so, makes them unattractive and repels women from them. It's illogical to me. I understand why some men rape, based on interviews I have read, but I don't understand why they would feel compelled to....their emotional responses and reasoning are foreign to me, and I don't understand how someone can be sexually aroused and angry at the same time or how the concept of rape even enters into one's mind. That being said, I don't understand gang rape. I'm told that men who have the capacity to rape are rare, but I'm left with the question of, if this is the case, what are the odds that a group of random men just happen to be men who will rape? It should be very low, but we find that gang rapes happen more than one would expect if men with the capacity to rape are as uncommon as some claim. I'm no attempting to claim most men are rapists; that, I don't believe, but this phenomena of gang rape puzzles me. Last, I don't understand why a man would want to have unprotected sex with a woman another many just finished having unprotected sex with, as often happens in gang rapes. Why would he want to come into contact with the other man's biological material? How can he even be aroused in such a situation?

I do, however, understand, that most men don't understand these things either, and the idea of such things is as repulsive to them as it is to me, which is probably why I still don't have answers. I have no one to ask...thankfully.

Honest answer, I don't know.

Comedy answer, take your nob out of their mouth and repeat the question.

An unwillingness to listen.

Most straight men buy into the sexist cliche (usually unconsciously) that women are flighty, indecisive, and fundamentally untrustworthy. Thus, these men would rather try to understand women by talking with other men (the abhorrently misogynistic PUA culture is the logical conclusion of this).

So, the "mystery" is really just a blend of thick-headedness with a lack of trust and/or empathy.

(The most ironic thing is that I'll probably be accused of sexism or "misandry" for this post, LOL )

Fundamental differences between people have years, decades, to compound in their life consequences. Similarly when you have two groups as morphologically and hormonally different and have different biological imperatives driving them you'll see constant compounding of those state differences and their own set of consequences.

It's those constant compoundings that create circuits of logic and thought that anyone else outside of that frame could never empathize with without all of the same exact experiences, in the same context, to inform the creation of such thoughts, feelings, and ideas. You will have areas of intersection for sure or areas, by chance, where you came to a similar place, similar feeling, or similar conclusion, by different means but ultimately trying to map on to another's emotions is next to impossible for the lack of common overlap.

Intellectually at least you can understand the differences, emotionally and impulsively it's much harder because emotion, impulse, repulsion, etc. as a map require actually having had those experiences.

I can liken this to, in my case and in our case here, not being NT.

I think over time I've been immersed in NT's enough that while I can't be one per say or feel the things they do to trigger the same impulses I can understand what they're doing and what patterns are persistent. In my own case though I do find myself a bit shy to start conversation, launch a new thought in a conversation out of the blue (other people can successfully do that - it takes common wiring for it to work though), and that reservedness can be taken in some cases as a lack of confidence.

Either way there's a whole life-long feel of the world I'm missing to be formed as an NT, there are a plethora of life experiences unfolding in certain manners that also are missing from my life, I also have dozens of particularly rich experiences in my life that would not only set me apart from most NT's - they'd set me apart from most NT's and most aspies. Hence I can easily be the weird guy in the corner of any room even at an aspie retreat if I chose to go to one.

I think this is where a lot of people get things twisted as well. Thinking of dating at least it probably happens much less with people dating in their late 20's and beyond but it's definitely an early 20's problem - ie. not just thinking, like in highschool, that you'll remold the person you're with to fit you, which in highschool perhaps is early enough not to be entirely impossible, but by your 20's you're dealing with a person who already has a wealth of life experience shaping them, enough disappointments, etc.. that you have to realize every bit of 'getting to know them' is really scratching away a layer of your own ignorance about them. That is to say you won't be changing them much and anything you do that falls flat with them will probably be something pertaining to a level of their life experience and consequent thinking that you hadn't gotten to know yet.