Jehovah's Witnesses and child discipline

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Okay, I don't want to open a can of worms here. I know some people here are ex-JW, I don't remember exactly who, but maybe they can answer something for me. Maybe this belongs in parenting.

I've just been listening to one of my neighbours, who are JW, telling off her little boy for something. I'm kind of stunned.

She was being really mean, repeatedly yelling at him, calling him a 'naughty boy' over and over again. Demanding he explain what he did and ever time he'd answer she'd yell "WHY?"

Perhaps that doesn't sound so bad in writing, but it was the level of anger she had and how long it went on for that disturbed me. The kid was really upset, obviously.

I don't know what he did wrong but it seemed disproportionate to me to be yelling at a child like that - I think he's 3 years old. I know everyone flips out from time to time and overreacts and motherhood is hard and she's got another younger one to deal with too.

But listening to that boy crying and saying "I'm sorry, I'm sorry" over and over while she yelled at him made me really sad for him.

So I guess my question is, are JW's typically hot on shaming and guilt tripping their kids? Or is it just these JWs?

Dunno man but it was partly down to the jw's why I almost lost legal custardy over my daughter.

I don't know anything about the specifics regarding JW parenting practices but what you're describing sounds like a pretty abusive way to treat any child, whether they belong to any specific religion or not. I hope it's a one off, which she'll somehow find the sense to apologise to him for and explain adequately why she was wrong and how he shouldn't ever have to put up with being screamed at like that. Otherwise, I hope when he grows up he doesn't have to wait too long before he can afford to move out of that house away from her and can afford some good quality therapy.

I'd just like to add that if it is connected to any religion-specific beliefs, that doesn't change anything. It's still abusive.

Just in case it might help: https://www.met.police.uk/advice/advice ... ild-abuse/

I'm a former Jehovah's Witness. Yes, they are big into shaming and guilt-tripping their kids. Shame and guilt are pervasive aspects of the religion as a whole. (Discipline for adults, especially disfellowshipping/shunning, is quite horrific, too, and yet, they are taught that it's loving.*) When I was growing up, corporal punishment was the gold standard - even with toddlers. They don't seem to be as bad about that as they used to be. I had welts sometimes, which made it hurt to sit, from being beaten with belts and wooden spoons. Most of the other kids in my church received similar treatment. Sometimes I would apologize and say "I'm sorry!" over and over again. Mom would say: "It's too late. You're getting the belt when your father gets home!" That made for a wonderful day, especially when the offense occurred in the morning. My mom usually had my dad do it because she couldn't hit me hard enough. One elder family in my church would keep a rubber hose in the front of the car and would swing it at kids in the backseat when they misbehaved. I knew of another elder who would throw his kids into a wall. My grandmother approved. People look up to the elders, so if an elder is abusive, others will (and do) imitate his behavior.

A problem scripture: "Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die" (Proverbs 23:13). A JW hymn I grew up hearing and singing has a verse which says:

^Wow. Thanks TP for the insider knowledge, and sorry that was the environment you were raised in.

This telling off seemed very much about making the kid feel as awful as possible about whatever he had done and she wasn't going to stop until he was completely wretched. When I became a parent, I learned that it was better to label the unwanted behaviour as bad, rather than tell the child he/she is bad, so they don't internalize that about themselves. This was like the opposite of that approach so it was really jarring to hear it.

For those who suggested this should be reported, by my estimations this wasn't something that I'd report to any authority. I heard nothing to suggest there was anything physical happening, just a verbal berating that seemed out of proportion to me to anything a 3-year-old could feasibly do wrong. I know that's still something many of us would consider abusive but I think it would fall under parenting choices, sadly.

It's the only time I've heard that coming from their house so hopefully it was a case of mum being uncommonly stressed about something and losing control completely. It does happen. Doesn't make it right of course, but could hopefully mean it was an isolated event.

You see one of them proselyting on your property? Here's what you say.

"Get off my lawn".

^ Don’t say that!

Instead, say: “Please put me on your do not call list. Thank you.”

It’s polite, and it’ll keep them away permanently. Otherwise, they’ll still come back in a year or two.

There’s no need to be mean. They probably want to be there even less than you want them to be. When people are mean, it just feeds into their persecution complex.

^ I can’t say that I ever loved being treated like s**t (it’s probably why my social anxiety is so bad) but many of them do love the idea of persecution because they think it confirms their beliefs AND is a sign that Armageddon is nigh.

Personally I would never give a JW who knocked on my door anything more than a polite "no, thanks", because their beliefs might be 100% right for all I know. I'll take my chances being a godless heathen but I'm not going to tell anyone else they're wrong.

I live in a cluster of 4 houses. Two of them are now inhabited by JWs, every time someone moves out, they seem to be replaced by JWs. There are more in the houses a little way off. It's becoming like a little JW community. They don't push their beliefs round here from what I can tell. My partner had a falling out with them a while back so they don't talk to us.