Natchiketa and the King of Death -- Episode I

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Not your father's Katha Upanishad ...

"Hey, Natchi, come out and play!" "Can't, Angi, the old man's going to perform that crazy sacrifice where you give away all your goods!"

"Whoa ... What the Hell's your old man been smokin'?" "Danged if I know, but I better keep an eye on him if I don't want him giving away MY Beatles albums" "Yeah, I think you're right. Tomorrow, then, and let me know how it turns out; later, Natchi". "See ya, Angi, wish me luck!"

Natchiketa hiked out to the back forty and discovered that his pop was only giving away his cattle, but only the useless ones; the old, the barren, the blind and the lame. Natchiketa thinks to himself, "Damn! The old man ain't gonna' get any brownie points for giving away that lot!"

Natchiketa decides to razz the old man, see if he can get a rise out of him. "Hey Pop! I belong to you too, who'd you give me to?" "Beat it Kid, can't you see I'm busy?". Natchiketa just stood there and kept on razzing the old hypocrite, "Hey Pop! I belong to you too, who'd you give me to?"

"What part of 'Beat It' don't you understand, boy? SCRAM!"

"Hey Pop! I belong to you too, who'd you give me to?" By this time, the old man was steaming, and losing his temper hollered "I give you to DEATH, you little twerp!"

Natchiketa was taken by surprise by this, thinking for a moment 'Of all my brothers I may not be his favorite son, nor the worst, but what use am I to the King of Death?' But, determined to honor his father's word, he said "It's cool, pops; dig how it's been with those that've croaked before, it'll be the same trip for those that haven't bought the farm yet. Like corn, a man falls to the earth; like corn, he springs up again in his season"

After layin' down this rap, he hopped on his Bonneville 500 and took off down I-80 to Chez Death.

When he got there, he hopped off his bike and plunked his ass down in the reception room and waited. Nobody paid much attention to him for 3 nights, as the King was out on business.

When Death returned his servants rushed to him and said "A Brahmin, like to a flame of fire, came in while you were away and hasn't had any hospitality; you better make a peace offering to him, lest you lose your brownie points, your righteousness, your sons and your cattle for failure to show due hospitality toward a Brahmin"

So the King walked into reception and bowed before Natchiketa, saying "Oh Brahmin, I salute thee! Please don't harm me ... I'll give you three wishes, anything you want, for dissin' you"

"It's cool, man ... first, do something about my old man, ease his grief, and, when you send me back alive again, it'd be really cool if he recognized me" "By my Will, it shall be so. Your old man will recognize you and love you as before. Choose your second wish"

"In Heaven, there's no fear at all, nor in that place does the fear of growing old make one tremble; You know the Fire Sacrifice that leads to heaven, teach me that, 'cause I'm full of faith".

Consenting, Death taught Natchiketa the sacrifice and all the rites and ceremonies attending it. Death gave him an exam, and being pleased with how well he had learned, said "I'm granting an extra boon; this will be called "The Natchiketa Sacrifice from now on. Choose your last wish, and think carefully before asking.

Natchiketa meditated a moment and said "When a man dies, there is this doubt; some say, "he is" and others say "he is not". Taught by you, I want to know the truth."

"No dice, kid! Even the Gods were once puzzled by this; subtle indeed is the truth regarding this, and it ain't easy to understand. Ask for something else."

But Natchiketa was nobody's fool and said "You say, O Death, that even the Gods had a hard time understanding this, and it's not easy to dig ... but, surely there's no teacher better able to explain this than you -- and there's no other boon equal to this one"

"Ask for sons and grandsons who will live a hundred years. Ask for cattle, elephants, horses, gold. Chose for yourself a mighty kingdom. Or if you can imagine anything better, ask for that -- not for sweet pleasures only but for the power, beyond all thought, to taste their sweetness. Yea, verily, the Supreme Enjoyer I will make you of every good thing. Celestial maidens, beautiful to behold, such indeed as were not meant for mortals -- even these, together with their with their bright chariots and musical instruments, I'll give you to serve you."

"But, for the Secret of Death, O Natchiketa, do not ask!"

But Natchiketa stood his ground. "These things last only 'til tomorrow, and the pleasures they give wear out the senses. Keep the horses, chariots, dancers and songs for yourself. How can one desire wealth, once they've seen your face? No, I'm only askin' what I'm askin'. Having found out the society of the imperishable and the immortal, as in knowin' you I've done, how shall I, subject to decay and death, and knowing well the vanity of the flesh -- how shall I wish for long life?"

"Tell me O King, the supreme secret regarding which men doubt -- No other boon will I ask!"

Whereupon the King of Death, well pleased at heart, began to teach Natchiketa the secret of immortality.