Left-Handers (Those Sickos) Got No Reason to Live!

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Is being left-handed okay?
Yes, you're born with it 44%  44%  [ 43 ]
Yes, you're born with it 44%  44%  [ 43 ]
No, it's morally wrong 6%  6%  [ 6 ]
No, it's morally wrong 6%  6%  [ 6 ]
Total votes : 98

Thagomizer
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07 Sep 2005, 2:19 am

From The Language of Argument, the 2002 10th edition:

Quote:
Left-Handers (Those Sickos) Got No Reason to Live!


by Roger L. Guffey

If you ask me, the U.S. Supreme Court ruling concering certain sexual acts between consenting adults in the privacy of their own homes heralds a much welcome return to the right rather than an invasion of privacy and individual rights. To further this admirable goal of moving to the right, I want to encourage the Court now to go after one of the most despicable and un-American groups that threaten our great country today: left-handed people.

Ha, ha, you say. Most people do not realize how truly malevolent these subversive little perverts are. Look up the word "sinister" in the dictionary and you find two meanings: evil or left-handed. Still not convinced, eh? Historically, the U.S. government has fought leftists worldwide, so let's do it in this country before we take on those in Nicaragua. In this centruy, every other English speaking nation makes its citizens drive on the left (i.e. wrong) side of the road. If that doesn't prove how un-American left-handers are, I don't know what does.

Besides, left-handers are not normal. They are so unnatural that I can pick them out of a crowd a mile away. Our society has no use for their sick, twisted kind. Just think of all the things we have designed exclusively for the right-handers: scissors, shirt pockets, phone dials, wrist watches, ignition, toilet flush handles, books, etc. Have you ever seen a car with the ignition switch on the left side of the steering column? No, and you won't, because that's not the way God told Henry Ford to make them. You can even turn right against a red light, but if you try to make a left-handed turn against the light, you will find yourself going against society because it is not natural.

Oh, sure, the bleeding hearts will say that we need compassion for these sickos because they were born that way. Hogwash! it's a choice they make. If every mother would give her children a swift rap in the chops at the first sign of this filthy, disgusting left-handed behavior, this degenerate psychosis would vanish. Now, I am all for respecting everybody's rights to be different as long as I agree with what they are doing, but you have to draw the line somewhere. there won't be any left-handers in heaven, you can count on that.

The solution is not just social ostracism. We should all band together and pray fervently that God will strike these little perverts dead. Once this society returns to the moral character and justice that made this country great and prosecutes these deviant miscreants and genetic mistakes to the fullest extent of the law, everything wil be all right. Act now before all go out and buy left-handed bicycles. Take heart. God is on our side.


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GalileoAce
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07 Sep 2005, 3:02 am

What's your opinion Thagomizer?

GA



Thagomizer
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07 Sep 2005, 3:07 am

Didn't I just post it?


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eyeenteepee
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07 Sep 2005, 6:03 am

:lol: :lol:

But what about perverted amphidextrous types like "someone I know" (refusing to incriminate myself!!)?



thatrsdude
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07 Sep 2005, 6:45 am

Well there's some who would agree with you about left-wingers, but as for left-handers... They're all lefties I suppose.


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RobertN
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07 Sep 2005, 7:00 am

There are some real nutters in the US, just like old Pat Robertson. In any other country, they would be put in a mental asylum.



eyeenteepee
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07 Sep 2005, 8:07 am

RobertN wrote:
There are some real nutters in the US, just like old Pat Robertson. In any other country, they would be put in a mental asylum.


Arguably they already are! :P



Namiko
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07 Sep 2005, 8:28 am

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being left-handed! Lefties were discriminated against since practically the beginning of time and frankly, things haven't changed. Many left-handed people have been forced to do things right-handed, but this can really mess up their brains. Some people have no choice but to be left-handed, due to injury or some other circumstances beyond their control.

Left-handed people tend to be better adapted because they have to use right-handed stuff all the time. Even if there are left-handed products, not very many lefties use them. This world was made for right-handed people, a world where people discriminate against those who are different than they are. Approximately 10-15% of the population is left-handed, which is a heck of a higher percentage than those of us with AS. Since they are such a large minority, shouldn't we not discriminate against them as much? :x


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thatrsdude
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07 Sep 2005, 9:07 am

So I guess some people would think that being left handed is a choice and is morally wrong and shouldn't have the same rights as others, and that left handed marriages should be banned and that they shouldn't be allowed to adopt children etc. :P


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BeeBee
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07 Sep 2005, 9:46 am

hmmmm....

I think, as thatsrdude alluted too, that Thagomizer is trying to get people to see the comparison between being left handed and being gay.

Similaities
about the same percentage of the population is left handed as is gay

both are generally accepted by many to be biologically based



Differences
Well meaning people used to try to make lefties use the right hand. This is no longer the case. Some people are trying to make gays straight.

Left handedness is generally accepted. Gays and Bis are still working towards this.



Sorry if I'm stating the obvious here....


BeeBee



Litguy
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07 Sep 2005, 11:03 am

Whoops. I quickly voted the morally wrong opinion as irony, which is how I read the opening statement. I had no idea that people would start taking this seriously.

I really don't believe it reflects on their morality at all (or on anything else except a neurological variation).

I'm surprised to find that some people here see it as a social issue. I haven't heard of children being forced to be right-handed since Catholic Schools in the 60's.



TheBladeRoden
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07 Sep 2005, 11:36 am

Aye, but right handed people are left brained, which is an even more severe moral offense. Plus the heart is in the left side of the body. So even though people may claim to be right-oriented, we know where in fact where their hearts and minds truely lie.

We may be lefties, but at least we have the courage to admit to it. A hidden self denying evil is always more dangerous than a known admitted one.



hecate
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07 Sep 2005, 12:13 pm

i'm left-handed and proud of it! i've never noticed any connection between left-handed people and deviant lifestyles.

what i have noticed is, though, a connection between people who have crazy, extreme right-wing points of view and those who use "god's will" as an excuse to make up for their lack of evidence / absence of logic.



Tim_p
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07 Sep 2005, 1:26 pm

BeeBee wrote:
Sorry if I'm stating the obvious here....


BeeBee


I think it is obvious, but I'm not sure if anyone else noticed.

It is rather thinly veiled.



RobertN
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07 Sep 2005, 2:03 pm

I never knew that being left handed was ever a point of prejudice for some people. 8O

Some people can get so uptight about the silliest of things, its worrying really.



jman
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07 Sep 2005, 4:48 pm

I am left handed but my mouse is in a right handed position, i wouldn't be able to use a left handed mouse. I am a leftie and I am damn proud! 8)