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Women Don't Belong in the Cockpit!

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Thagomizer
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30 Oct 2005, 1:17 am

By Ed Anger, from the 2002 Edition of The Language of Argument, originally appearing in Weekly World News, February 17, 1999.

Quote:
Women Don't Belong in the Cockpit!

Ed Anger

I'm madder than Charles Lindbergh with a busted propeller over the biggest cover-up in American aviation today--the danger of women pilots!

Let's face it. A gal has about as much business flying an airplane as Zippy the chimp.

But those yappy women's libbers screamed so loud for females to get men's jobs that every broad who isn't afraid of heights and doesn't wear Coke-bottle glasses has a chance to captain a Boeing 747 these days!

Hey, that's great as long as nobody else has to ride along with them. But letting a woman pilot a plane with paying customers on board is criminal.

What if a mouse runs into the cockpit? Who's going to fly the plane when the lady pilot screams and jumps into her copilot's lap, for crying out loud?

And what about premenstrual syndrome (PMS)?

Who's gonna pry her hands off the stick when she gets in a bitchy mood and puts the plane into an intentional nosedive?

And if she's been spayed or going through menopause, how would you like to fly from New York to L.A. with a pilot who's having hot flashes every 10 seconds?

But what really scares the bejesus out of me is the way women pilots almost always distract male members of the crew.

Let's face it. A male copilot just ain't gonna keep an eye on the instrument panel with a nice set of 38 double-Ds bouncing around two feet to his left. And, of course, it's going to be worse during air turbulence, when he should be paying the most attention to his job.

But, hey, I'm more liberal than I used to be. I think women should be allowed to make their living in the air--but as stewardesses, for Pete's sake.

That way they get to satisfy their natural instinct to serve meals, fluff pillows, and show people how to put on life jackets.

I'll tell you, yours truly is never going to get on another plane with a captian named Bambi, Chastity, or Sissy. I want an ex-Marine fighter pilot with big, hairy arms at the controls, folks.

And I'm not alone. The latest Carnegie-Atex poll found that nearly 94 percent of Americans are "concerned" about flying with a female pilot.

You haven't said much about it, of course, because it's not politically correct to talk about things like that.

But hey, even Amelia Earhart, the greatest lady pilot of them all, couldn't island-hop the Pacific without crashing somewhere out there. The truth is, how do you expect a woman to fly a plane when they can't even drive a dad-blamed car?

All of you know I've never been afraid to tell it like it is.

If God had meant for women to fly airplanes, it would have been the Wright Sisters taking off at Kitty Hawk in 1903.

Why fly and die, my fellow Americans? Nest time, politely DEMAND that your travel agent or the airline ticket office put you on a plane with a man at the controls.


This guy makes perfect sense to me. Discuss.


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vetivert
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30 Oct 2005, 1:28 am

nothing to discuss - specious arguments, ignorant author, deliberate baiting of anyone with a brain.



Thagomizer
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30 Oct 2005, 1:36 am

I think the author is more than an ignorant loudmouth. What else are you supposed to infer if the guy is named "Ed Anger" and he begins his piece with "I'm madder than . . ."?

But there actually is a point burried underneath here. If what he says is correct about the poll indicating that most Americans feel discomfort in flying with a female pilot, then his piece is actually attacking them.


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Sean
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30 Oct 2005, 1:48 am

First off, Emilia Earhart was most likely shot down by the Japaneese somewhere over Southeast Asia. In WWII, the Russians had female fighter aces ande the British had female cargo pilots that had great flight records. If a woman can handle a Space Shuttle or a solo space capsule, I think they can handle a 747. Oh yeah, there used to be a perrenial areobatics world champion that is a woman too.

This thread is stupid. :roll:



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30 Oct 2005, 3:33 am

Hey it makes sense to me!! !


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duncvis
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30 Oct 2005, 5:28 am

I am now dumber for reading that article. I hope its satire. :roll:

I'm agreeing with Sean - as far as I'm aware, being able to competently pilot anything isn't dependent on possession of a 'Y' chromosome.


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eamonn
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30 Oct 2005, 6:06 am

Just as long as planes dont reverse or expect females to land in a tight space either. :lol: I've also seen females regularly pay too much interest on who's around them and what their up to (overly social and emotional) and not enough attention on the road. Of course they dont tend to try to "push" their driving skills as much as men so i suppose it balances out.



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30 Oct 2005, 8:35 am

great article! finally someone isnt too scary to tell the truth. :roll: :lol:



Serissa
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30 Oct 2005, 10:44 am

Quote:
Women Don't Belong in the Cockpit!

But what really scares the bejesus out of me is the way women pilots almost always distract male members of the crew.

Let's face it. A male copilot just ain't gonna keep an eye on the instrument panel with a nice set of 38 double-Ds bouncing around two feet to his left. And, of course, it's going to be worse during air turbulence, when he should be paying the most attention to his job.


So what??? Only let ugly women fly planes! That evens out the playing field- hot women get all the break otherwise!



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30 Oct 2005, 10:48 am

Umm...wrong. :? :roll:


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Mithrandir
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30 Oct 2005, 1:21 pm

When people are brought up a certain way and do not desire change then they will stay in their particular safety zone and thus believe in scapegoats. If you combine that with recent trauma or the fact that this man had his girlfriend leave him then guys like this might type articles like this.



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30 Oct 2005, 1:48 pm

Now, i have aspirations to become a pilot, and it is my professional opinion that this guy is so full of sexist garbage that he probably smells like the dumpster down the street. So what if i end up with copilot to a woman in about 15 years? I ain't complainin'! Heck, i might be looking for a spouse with similar interests. We might get married and fly a 747 together. I'm sneezing all over because i'm allergic to bull@#$% like this. And, if you girls already haven't already inferred, i'm a guy, but i'm sticking up for you all. Don't thank me though, it's my destiny to preach equality put my foot up supremacy's @$$.


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30 Oct 2005, 2:37 pm

What a disgusting article. Even if it's satire, it's about as funny as a terrorist attack. I have a typical "male" job, and I'll be damned if I'm going to let others trip me up because I don't have the holy Y chromosome.



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30 Oct 2005, 5:20 pm

The author was probably using sarcasm. And even if he wasn't, the author is in the minority when it comes to those opinions, so you needn't worry.
You're all taking this thing -way- too seriously. Calm down, people, someone spouting off little-held, outdated opinions won't do you any harm, physically or emotionally . Or at least it shouldn't, unless you're either crazy or an idiot. Then you'd have an excuse. From what I know of the lot of you you aren't crazy and you're not idiots. (At least I hope you aren't).



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30 Oct 2005, 5:22 pm

Thagomizer wrote:
By Ed Anger, from the 2002 Edition of The Language of Argument, originally appearing in Weekly World News, February 17, 1999.


Aha, Weekly World News! That explains it. Weekly World News is a paper that is sold in grocery stores and serves the sole purpose of providing cheap laughs.

Which is why I was right when I said you were all overreacting. I knew the name Ed Anger sounded familiar.



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30 Oct 2005, 5:31 pm

i must admit - i like a laugh as much as anyone, probably more. but i do think this sort of thing is dangerous - there an awful lot of people who do not think at all, as sean says in his signature. and they could read this and believe it.

no, i'm not a killjoy - far from it. but when it comes to people, anyone, being hurt, or discriminated against, then i tend to err on the side of caution.

on a lighter note, if you like the weekly world news, try the framley examiner.