Illuminati Religion

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Here on wrong planet I like to poke fun at everyone...including myself. Although I am a big fan of researchers like David Icke and Jordan Maxwell, and although I believe much of the NWO stuff is true, I thought it would be funny to have a belief system that totally mocks the NWO subculture. I hereby proclaim myself the grand priest of the Church of the Illuminati. We of the Church of the Illuminati (COTI) worship our reptilian alien rulers. We also worship those in power like presidents, prime ministers, the Rockefellers, Rothschilds, and the rest of the global elite. Our goal of the COTI is to have a one world government with a one world army and everyone having microchip implants. Only then we we be totally safe from ourselves and our free thought. After all, ignorance is bliss. We also are in par with many political Illuminati concepts like communism, zionism, nazism, feminism, and socialism. Who else would like to join the almighty Church of the Illuminati?

Too late for me, Transplantman has created the perfect organisation for me:

Though I could make time to join the Church of Illuminati too provided I don't have to read "Hello Magazine"?

No thanks.

Someone's way ahead of you. It's called Discordianism.

http://www.cs.cmu.edu/~tilt/principia/

Since you openly proclaimed yourself the head of a secret society like the Illuminati, it should be obvious that you are not. And since we have established that you are not the head of the Illuminati, we must ask ourselves if that was a ploy to cover up your role as leader of that group.

Tooshay...

For whatever reason I couldn't really get into the NWO stuff, so I've no direct opinion on whether it's mostly bull or not. So bah.

There is no "Illuminati."

And even if we did exist, we would deny it!

The Illuminati might have existed at one time, like during Europe's medieval period. But who can bring forth anything conlcusive to say that they exist to this day?

This shadowy organization certainly made an appearance in the first Tomb Raider movie. Lara's antagonist was supposed to be a high-level Illuminati guy. The People of the Light, so to speak.

If you are going to make fun of them I can suggest a better acronym. You can use it to make jokes.

COITAL - Church Of Illuminated Transhuman Avatar Liaisons.

That way, you can have fliers for religious services, and have fun events after.

"Post COITAL events will include a picnic, swimming, and a visit to a human zoo. Please register in advance if you wish to attend."

Not mediaeval: There was group called themself "Illuminaten", under the leadership of Adam Weishaupt. He founded this group in the 1780 and which disappeared after prosecution and inner conflicts in the 1810.

His ideas was primary an idea of the Enlightenment, in which the eduction of the members and the education of the people would lead to a democratic. So the statutes took a great emphasize on education and discussion. They agreed secrecy about the goal to overthrow the existing governments even to freshly recruited members.

For a while he was able to recruit quite prominent people, like Goethe, Duke Ernst of Sachsen-Gotha, Duke Carl August of Sachsen-Weimar, Freiherr von Knigge, etc.

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If we compare the goals of Adam Weishaupt with today's Europe, there would be on his point of view no reason to maintain his group, because in Europe is quite close to his ideas, which were not insulated in his time. I. Kant e.g. wrote in "Vom ewigen Frieden" that peace in Europe could be best archived via confederation of republics.

It is bull.

I agree, although not because I know it's bull. For all I know it could be true, but I'm still not going to open that can of worms. I'm open-minded but that doesn't mean I'll accept anything.

I only worship Wu-Tang Clan as they are the rulers of the world :p

Does this even count as satire or mockery? Isn't this just an outline of what NWO conspiracy theorists think is actually going on? Though to be honest, you're setting yourself a difficult task, the 'theories' of people like David Icke are so stupid they are probably impossible to satirise.

The origin of the modern day Illuminati theories is a series of novels called The Illuminatus! Trilogy, which I think were published in the 1970s. The Trilogy told the story of a secret society that aims to conquer the world. It was intended to be fiction, nothing more. But somehow it broke out of the container of "fiction" and became a hallucinatory consensus reality.

As it stands now, the Illuminati have taken on many if not most of the attributes associated with Jews in earlier times, and are in effect a surrogate for the Jews. After the Holocaust the world was so stunned that the elites of Europe and America tried to stamp out antisemitism once and for all. Instead, they just pushed it underground, and it found new outlets through such myths as the Illuminati, the Bilderbergers, the Trilateral Commission, and so on.

It's a way of hating Jews without being confronted with the allegation that one is explicitly or implicitly endorsing the heinous actions of the Nazis. Even those who claim to be modern day Nazis shy away from endorsing the ovens. Their solution is usually to deny it happened. Everybody else prefers to hate a nebulous global elite who are just visible over the horizon, and thus at a safe enough distance that killing them doesn't enter into the equation.