Awesomelygloriousism

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Ok, because Transcention won't write his perfect religion which will save humanity from Cthulhu, I thought I would take my hand at it. Here is the doctrine of Awesomelygloriousism:

* Awesomelyglorious is to be worshiped. This is a logical result of the following problem:
1) God is defined as being totally awesome, and thus needs to be worshiped
2) Proofs of God are inconclusive, and he doesn't respond to e-mails.
3) Because of 1 & 2, we have all of this unfulfilled worshipfulness, as we can't worship the being that needs to be worshiped.
4) The next best being is Awesomelyglorious
5) Ergo, the best strategy is to worship Awesomelyglorious.

What'd you think the outcome was going to be? Self-fulfillment? Ridiculous! Faith? Absurd!

* Public worship of AG shall involve the following procedures:
a) Singing children's songs or worship hymns, or popular songs(past, present or future) with Awesomelyglorious randomly substituted in, for instance "Awesomelyglorious had a little lamb"(Mary had a little lamb), or "A mighty fortress is our Awesomelyglorious"(A might fortress is our God by Martin Luther), or "I don't like the AG (but the AG likes me)"(I don't like the drugs (but the drugs like me) by Marilyn Manson)
b) Preaching about random things, usually with "awesomely" or "glorious" or "awesomelyglorious" thrown in there.
c) Some reading of a scripture to later be defined by some apostles
d) The possibility of a random debate emerging about some ridiculous issue
e) High-fives. Everyone likes a high-five, right? If not then the sticking out of tongues at each other.

* The private worship of AG shall involve the following
a) Claims about my awesomeness and gloriousness.
b) Merriment, which can include food, meditation, drugs, sex, sleep, etc. Just be sure to enjoy private worship as an expression of my awesomeness.
c) An argument with yourself about nothing of importance.

* The moral tenets to be upheld by Awesomelyglorians
a) Distrust of ethics and meta-ethics
b) Holding to a variant of an political theory of government that can include the term "anarchist" or variants thereof, even if it makes no sense, for examples: anarcho-fascism, anarcho-voting for the American democratic party in every election, anarcho-minarchism
c) Contentious attitude, at least on occasion

* The metaphysical doctrines of Awesomelygloriousism
a) Awesomelyglorious is the most awesome and glorious known being, however he is not equal to either trait
b) There is a really good place with like candy and steak and stuff, but you get this only if you are really nice to AG, and he likes you a lot, because he unlocks it for the righteous by the power of his awesomeness
c) It is possible to asymptotically approach AG's awesomeness, but impossible to reach it.
d) For the utterly lame, they will be separated from the land of really cool things, into a land of lameness, where each person will be in various hellish bubble, according to the nature of their vileness, until they repent and ascend to the land of really cool things.

* The organizational structure of Awesomelygloriousism
a) I chose apostles/disciples/prophets who will then write my scriptures and such.
b) They then choose how they want this to work for their discipled groups

* The hermeneutics for the scriptures
a) Anything that contradicts my purposes now or later shall be removed, unless I reinstate it.
b) Anyway that something can be argued, even against the author, shall be permitted.

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Given all of this, are there any missing doctrines? Who wants to be the apostles/disciples/prophets of Awesomelygloriousism?

Existence is insufficient for worship. My left foot exists and works very well at the moment with my right foot but if it demanded worship I couldn't walk properly. Motion demands humbleness.

Blasphemy! This goes against the (un)holy teachings of Henkism!

Here are the ten commandments:

1) Thou shalt not eat shellfish.
2) Thou shalt have no other gods before me, except possibly Loki. I don't wanna mess with him.
3) Thou shalt speak 16th century English.
4) Thou shalt not run out of ideas of what the ten commandments should be so darn quickly.
5) Thou shalt hate Chcuk Norris and his blasphemous round-house kicks.
6) Thou shalt give all your money to Henriksson.
7) Thou shalt give your all your material possesions to Henriksson.
Thou shalt give everything to Henriksson.
9) Thou shalt not wear mixed fibres.

What about the tenth commanment? Oh, did I say ten commandments? Of course I mean Nine Commandments!

Now, I shalt declare holy war upon you.

Sheesh AG, if at least you tried coming up with something akin to the Flying Spaghetti Monster, "maybe" you'd be more popular y'know ^.- but cult based on personnality? Not for me. ~.~

AG is already a monster, the flying thing I'm not sure of

Orwell wrote:

Does this mean Awesomelyglorious responds to e-mails?

He does even better. He posts on this very forum!!

I think I'll stick with my weird pantheistic pagan ideals. Thank you.

Thats more like narcissism.