Adopted Russian boy sent back

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Link: Sheriff says mother won't talk

What motivated this woman to adopt a Russian child and why doesn't she want to give her side of the story?

Did I just read somewhere on this thread that neighbours hardly knew of the family?

The adoptive mother simply could not handle him anymore and he was becoming a danger to her. If all you do gooders think what she did is so wrong why don't you adopt the kid?

Someone who understands. The parents had to hide the knives and everything that were dangerous from him where he couldn't get to them because he was threatening to kill them. That's what was said on my local news and it wasn't mentioned in the articles online as far as I know.

Amazing what people choose to put on the news and keep some information to themselves. While the parents are made to be the bad guys, my local news made them out to be the victims because they mentioned how dangerous the kid really was. They also showed the mother was married because her husband was also in the local news but the articles mention only her making it sound like she is single.

Even more reason to NOT send the child back on his own on an international flight then...

What if your birth child threatened to kill you, do you put him/her on a flight or do you try and get help?

He may need help, but why send the person back to where he may have developed these behaviours? People who adopt from Russia are circumventing the usual adoption requirement anyway, and there has to be a reason why that is happening. I would not be so quick to side with this person either.

She tried to get help for him but the mental health servces here in the US are a joke.

From what I've read, she did nothing. The adoption agency said they gave her the name of a psychologist and then she cut off all communication with the agency. The psychologist was quoted as saying she never contacted them.

And in Russia they are better?

Did anyone put a gun to her head compelling her to adopt? Unlike pregnancy, adoption doesn't happen accidentally. She freely chose to adopt this boy, freely chose to adopt an older child from a very different culture, whom she had met only once, and anyone with any sense knows that a schoolboy in an orphanage is going to have a troubled past (otherwise he wouldn't be there in the first place). If she had done this to her biological child she'd be in jail, and I strongly suspect if she'd done this to an adopted American child she would also be in jail.

She never sent the kid to school (how did she expect him to adapt to American society?), never took him to a psychologist and appears to have made no effort at all to get help (I would be much more sympathetic if she had actually made some kind of effort). In her position I at least would have sought help, nor would I have adopted an older child without getting to know him a little first, nor would I uproot an older child in that way save in very particular circumstances.

Not insignificantly, we only have the woman's word for it for how bad the boy actually was - there are no known instances of him being actually violent against someone. She could be lying, the orphanage could be lying, both could be lying. But in any case it was her responsibility as a parent to at least try to get help.

Another matter is why, exactly, she sought to adopt an older child from Russia in the first place? Was she refused adoption in the US? Is there actually a shortage of older boys (as opposed to perfect babies) up for adoption in the US? Was it to get a blond child?

Why so judgmental? Ever been pummeled by your child because you got in his face. I quietly reminded mine that I had been asking to use my comp for 4 hours when he unexpectedly lost it. What gets me is his throwing all his weight on my head which I fear may break my neck. I love him and fear that he may unintentionally go too far one day. I want to be here for him and later explained that a break to the first vertebrae can kill while to the second can leave you paralyzed from the neck down. I also stated that if he doesn't get a handle on his volatile temper I fear he may rub the wrong person the wrong way and end up on the wrong end of a knife. I have learned to divert his mood with jokes and stuff but still he is challenging. If this mother was not equipped then the child is unfortunately better off. I have seen foster parents treat their charges as second class citizens whilst their biological children got preferential treatment. Like puppies at Xmas people are well intended but fail to make the grade. Both the prospective parents and the adoption agency need to bare there share of the responsibility in ensuring this not happen. It is one thing to endure maltreatment from one with whom you have a undying bond with then from a child who is a newcomer to your family. This Mom was protecting herself and other family members but in future because of the callousness of her approach, does not deserve to be entrusted with the care of a child not her own. End of story.

Very true, though everyone concerned would have been even better off if the woman had never adopted in the first place.



Agreed.

Or orphanage workers were killing and trying to kill the orphans. Strapples had an orphanage worker in Sibiu, Romania try to kill him, but they wiped most of his early memory, but in retrospect that might have been a good thing as he is a really smart and nice guy.

Are you talking about Strapples, the WP member?

I'm totally agree. You couldn't dump a child just because he wasn't like you expected. When you adopted a kid, you accept him like your son: if he has mental issues you send him to the psychologist. You can't return him like a damaged vacuum cleaner.

Yes that Strapples.

Yes I did read about Strapples horrific story involving the orphanage. Anyway I'm glad he got adopted by a seemingly loving family.

Poor kid..