emotrtkey wrote:
magz wrote:
emotrtkey wrote:
magz wrote:
emotrtkey wrote:
I think the mother needs to be investigated. Children who are raised properly and consistently disciplined usually don't have mental breakdowns. It's her responsibility to discipline her child and teach him how to control his emotions. I think parents who refuse to teach and discipline their children should be charged with child abuse and have their children placed in foster care.
How much time a day do you spend with children?
Any children.
Most of my problems were caused by bad parenting. Whenever I hear about parents raising autistic children, I consistently see the same bad parenting being used (no discipline, catering to their sensitivities, neglecting their feelings, telling them emotions just happen, etc.).
I take it as an implicit answer to my question: 0.
The older half of WP will tell you about their parents trying to beat autistic traits out of them so they "behaved". It's a tragic misconception that parenting is all about either "discipline" or total lack of it, no middle ground, no other dimensions.
Mental breakdowns are not an issue of discipline. They are an issue of mental health.
People's emotions, in most cases, are caused by their own thoughts. People have mental breakdowns because there is something wrong with the way they think (That's why therapy works by helping people change the way they think. Therapy wouldn't work if that wasn't true.) Discipline helps children regulate their emotions by thinking differently. For example, if a child is disciplined because he got angry and broke something and his parents consistently discipline bad behavior, it will motivate him to find a way to control his anger on his own. He'll realize that his thoughts made him angry and start thinking differently on his own to avoid the pain associated with discipline. Learning how to control his emotions on his own will help him feel better about himself and improve his self-esteem. Consistent discipline also builds resilience. They experience pain, realize it's not the end of the world, so they have less anxiety worrying about bad stuff happening to them. When parents let their children do whatever they want, always praise them, and never rebuke them, their children grow up emotionally fragile, never correcting distorted thoughts that contributed to their meltdowns, never understanding their own emotions and what causes them, and often have a low self-esteem since they were never challenged and never learned how to cope with normal aspects of life. They end up thinking everyone else is responsible for their emotions and have mental breakdowns because they can't control other people's actions. Obviously, discipline is only part of loving your children. If a child is struggling, parents should pay attention and listen to what's bothering their child and try to understand and help him. Although there are parents who just beat their kids out of anger and don't really care about them which causes more problems, some children misinterpret discipline as their parents not accepting them. It's not the discipline, but their misinterpretation of it, and their parent's neglecting to correct their misunderstanding that causes problems.
My mom had to work hard to see things my way and see from my perspective.
As a child, it is the grown up's fault if the kid isn't learning and if discipline is not effective. It is their duty to see things from the kid's point of view. But when you become an adult, all of a sudden it isn't their job anymore, eg. like your boss isn't going to see things from your perspective, instead it will be your duty to try and see it from theirs and grown ups who cannot do this are doomed for life and this is why we see them on disability benefits or why they continue being homeless. I have known people who were homeless off and on and I often wonder if they have any mental issues because they can't keep a job or can't keep a roof over their head. I can also tell they work very hard but their hardest they work isn't keeping them a stable life and job.
I think parents can do so much and they do the best they can. But with limited income, that can be very difficult, plus if the parent has to work all the time to live a comfortable life so their kids have a stable life. The parent won't have time for the special needs child and to figure out their issues or they end up on welfare and disability benefits for the child so they can stay home and work with them. Sometimes they can't keep a job either if their child is having meltdowns in school and they always have to leave work to get them or if they always have to take time off to take them to their appointments. Plus if you have to rely on the state, you still may not get enough therapy for your kid because you cannot afford private therapy.
My mom was lucky enough to be privileged that we could live on one income from my dad but she still worked making minimum wage to get good health insurance and so she could pay for my private therapy with a mental health therapist. Not only I was seeing her, my mom saw her too so she could figure out how to raise me. She also had money to pay for pottery and gymnastics for me to help me. My husband's parents were poor and they also worked hard and she couldn't afford any therapy for my husband and any classes for him he could take to help him and she had to rely on the school to help her child.
So I would be careful about judging parents of special needs kids. My mom thinks it has to do with pride where the parent is too proud to admit they can't do it on their own and ask for help but I disagree. I think there are parents that don't know how to ask for help because they don't know where to get it, especially with limited income or because they have to work to keep a roof over their heads and food on the table to feed their kids so they don't have time for their child so they rely on the school.
I say kids that were able to get help to be successful adults (Temple Grandin for example) came from privilege.
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Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed and ASD lv 1.
Daughter: NT, no diagnoses. Possibly OCD. Is very private about herself.
08 Sep 2020, 11:33 am
