NY Times: People with autism fear stigma after Newtown

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They're right and we don't, or better, we lack it (it's the same thing though). We have sympathy, which is the important one.

Asperger Association of New England

Below announcement received by private email

Spocks Daughter



For those who want support around the CT tragedy, AANE, in conjunction with Aspire (formerly YouthCare) will facilitate six groups run by staff from Aspire, AANE and AS expert clinicians within our community. These groups will provide a private setting to discuss the tragedy in CT, the link the media has made between the shooter and AS, and the impact on those with AS and their families. The groups for parents of children will also discuss how and whether to talk to children with AS about this event. You are invited to attend the appropriate group.

Here is a listing of the Groups and when they will meet

Wednesday 10:30 - 12:00, at AANE, 51 Water Street, Watertown, MA
1. Parents of children and young teens (under 16)
2. Parents, adult sibling, grandparents and other family members of older teens (16+) and adults
3. Adults with AS. Spouses and partners welcome.

Thursday night 7:30 - 9:00 at AANE, 51 Water Street, Watertown, MA
1. Parents of children and young teens (under 16)
2. Parents, adult sibling, grandparents and other family members of older teens (16+) and adults
3. Adults with AS. Spouses and partners welcome.

Please RSVP by email. ([email protected]). Let us know which day and which group you will be attending.

They put "experts" on national TV and the say the words "mass murder" and "that Aspergers had nothing to do with it"-well the general public only hears the "mass murder" and "Aspergers" and they make a connection between the two. Still a tragedy has happened and people aren't looking for answers as much as they are looking for someone to blame-it is sad.

I'm glad they're doing that. I think there are a lot of people needing support. I know I'm tempted to call my therapist up and ask for a special session. I am, frankly, afraid. Being stereotyped in this way could tear my whole life apart. I've got kids (and we've been threatened before simply because I showed abnormal affect in public), I'm trying to get out and be active in my community (that's now on hold, not so much because I'm afraid they'll hurt me as because I'm afraid they'll be frightened if they realize they have "one of those" in their midst (though at 1 in 88 there are probably several of "those") because I like this place and want to contribute to it as well as because I want to feel useful.

Is that selfish?? Yes. It is. It's human nature to be selfish in the face of a perceived threat to one's well-being.

I don't want to be branded a freak and ostracized. I don't want to be put in some database and treated like a criminal when-- and this is important-- the most wrong thing I have ever done is have a panic attack in a public place (and THEN all I was doing was weeping and asking for help to get myself thinking logically again).

As for showing empathy?? I would love to. I want to put my arms around every grieving parent, every frightened person.

I dare not. I might make a mistake, because I cannot see through their eyes. In an attempt to comfort them, I might say something that, while it would comfort me, would only seem strange. That's why, when people are grieving, my rule is always to be silent and make myself scarce. I do housework, make food, babysit-- do whatever I can to give them time and space to grieve, but I DO NOT SPEAK.

I have already gone too far out on a limb by posting my condolences and attempts to comfort here on WP.

Face it, guys. We are not part of the NT world-- and that's not a judgment against them. Simply a statement of fact. We really are another species. We do not fit, we are not wanted; if we cannot or do not wish to do a passable job of "acting normal," we should leave them alone and ask only that they return the favor.

Please speak only for yourself. You don't know that "we" don't.

I do. And so do a lot of us.

This reminds me when people were deciding whether to follow Malcolm X or Martin Luther King, Jr.

I think we need to convince them that with accomodations we can provide things and services most normal people can't. However, aspergers being removed from the DSM will make the hard. Hans will never have his ideal materialize.

i would agree. i've been advocating this for quite some time. good to see similar minded. i hate being at the NTs mercy just because they're the majority and it all comes down to being the majority

People who read the NY Times already know it wasn't autism/aspergers that caused this, this article needs airing on Fox News and the National Enquirer to change opinion.

Good idea, wrong demographic.

i know how halarious. aspergers doesn't make u kill people. well put lol. emotional training NTs to hunt us down.

I really can't agree with this. It's resigned and defeatist, and I'm just as much a part of this world as anybody else. Thinking like this practically guarantees sidelining. I won't be sidelined. There are plenty of good people out there who aren't on the spectrum that do accept us for who we are. We deserve them, and they deserve us.

I'm not going to throw the baby out with the bathwater.

Yar. Sad. What Dr. King called for, basically, was public martyrdom to turn the tide of public opinion...

...and it worked.

I never really considered this until I was watching a documentary on the history of the civil rights movement from the point of view of trying to figure out how to deal with the overt discrimination I've experienced. Then I understood, and it made me want to die.

Can you imagine where race relations in America would be if the Malcolm X crowd had won that debate?? Where do they go every time someone who seems to follow that logic lifts their head above the surf??

Consider the state of the American Indian.

Well, at least I can now enjoy the fact that I have life as long as I don't get out of my place while pleading to occupy a little better lot someday. Even if that does mean flying low or living, basically, as the housepet of a neurotypical.

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/empathy



If you stick to that bit in bold, then yes, many aspies might not be said to have empathy.

From personal experience, I'm always mortified and upset to discover when I've failed to read someone and therefore acted insensitively.

However, once I'm aware of someone's situation, I am fully capable of vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another.

That's the important bit.

Speaking to the general topic, it's the "wrong" metacommunication (body language, facial expression, lack of eye contact) that makes us so off-putting to many at an instinctive level.

I don't know what we do about that...

As an example:

I've been told I am (unintentionally) intimidating because of my lack of expression which is usually interpreted as angry, and my harsh, deep monotone voice.

However, recently I've had to start using a cane.

Now, I guess I seem vulnerable rather than intimidating. Consequently, many more people approach me in public, and are much more friendly and helpful.

Yes, I noticed.

I also wish that the mainstream media would take into consideration that children somewhere on or with traits of ASD were attending this school on the day of the shooting.

Seems to be no awareness or caring with all the drilling about the shooters Aspergers being thrown about.

In a school of 500+ children and the kinds of staff they had on hand at the school there were for sure children with ASD.

So insensitive the news outlets are being.

: (

I'm having to shield my 4 1/2 year old from watching, being in the same room , etc, with TV news on even without sound on because he reads so very well and remembers everything he reads and hears. In detail. These are his strengths.

I do not want him to have heard some of these things and remember them when the time comes and we explain to him his Aspieness.

I was thinking of telling my older child about his brothers Aspergers. I'm going to hold off on it... for as long as I can.

Don't care. I'm not into weaponry because of sensory issues and don't exhibit any violent traits so anyone who would think of me as a potential mass killer would be no less absurd to think I'm a pedophile or a Nazi.
I felt more stung when the Virginia Tech killing happened. I saw much of myself in what Cho was, what people described him as, how alone and helpless in the world he seemed...

To add to this whole question of motive is Lanza supposedly had a fight with four teachers at the school - 3 of them were victims... the fourth wasn't there that day(the spec ed substitute I am guessing was the fill in for that teacher that survived). Nothing has been told to confirm this. I am hoping they shed some light on that issue as well.

BraveMurdayDay: I do agree ignorance is ignorance, that people who have prejudice against the ASD community would anyways - this gives them a convenient excuse now however. And that part really pisses me off.

I had some dealings with a city official on Monday morning
Real nice guy. I'd never met him before, he made a point of meeting me, as he knew of my autism. He was so friendly and accepting of me, it was very refreshing for me esp. after sandy hook

Same day I got a new doctor..... an older Sri Lankan women who appears an extremely compassionate Buddhist

All I'm saying here is avoid the bullies, and gravitate toward the good NT's of which there are many... possibly 50/50 AND INCREASING

Good things may come of this horrific tragedy.
Autistic struggles with bullying will feature more in the minds of the good people.... and they will be more our friends, and on our side against the bullies.... than never before. I'm guessing even some parents of those murdered may will treat those with social disabilities, with more compassion. Not so much out of fear, but understanding.
Peace