From what I've read about those that have gone through the clinical process of transitioning, retransition is rare. Societal acceptance is the biggest inhibitor, for that group.
Having gone through all the processes and procedures to medically transition, I think the earlier the outcome the better. My regret is that I had to go through a dozen years of "gender studies", trying to analyze everything that made me female. Everything did, and nothing. It's qualitative, not quantitative. Nothing more fun that being misunderstood by oneself.
Socialization, in large part, defines gender boundaries. I wasn't raised as a girl, didn't have natural relations with other girls, as a child, and life just felt weird.
After first puberty, being around girls was awkward because I'd get the sense that attraction was at play, but I wasn't feeling any attraction, so I wasn't sure what a normal interaction should be. It just felt askew.
I was always with the boys, and... I sorta liked them - the way people thought I should like girls. That alone meant I never had normal relations with men either.
At some point I realized that I wasn't a fan of sex at all. Messy, inconsistent, felt strange, conceptually disturbing. So I'm asexual and then people start saying they think I'm on the autism spectrum. They're right of course. I was just as reticent to accept that as being transgender. More so, it would have impeded my transition.
I have never felt more comfortable in my skin than I do today. I have my female voice, and a male one. Sometimes I feel gender-less, other times masculine or feminine. Couldn't tell you exactly why, but I experience it. That's gender, it's on a spectrum. I wouldn't go back for anything.
TLDR, anyone reading knows it's the point where we come to a 'but'... I'm a woman and never will be. There's a dichotomy there, a contradiction, that's inescapable. So it's a good thing that I can't imagine sharing a bed with someone, or intimate contact, because that isn't possible anymore.
This is the point where people think the procedure is to blame. I just don't belong in society, it wasn't made for me.
09 Jan 2023, 1:05 pm
.. Or just call people what they present as or let them tell you?
