Transgender buyer's remorse, aka "detransitioning"

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Honestly, I feel like people who don't express prejudiced views--the majority--are afraid of contradicting those idiots who are the loudest.

I'm not one of those optimists with rose-colored glasses. This is what I've observed over the course of my life.

I think you are right. It's fashionable to be prejudiced and extreme.

I went to a Meetup group once. A man said 'I'm a troublemaker, I don't hold with these PC views and ask awkward questions.' Everyone nodded along with him. I didn't say anything because I felt intimidated as by then I'd realised the people in the group weren't very nice (from how they treated me). I didn't go again.

But if it happens in another group, I'll say 'what is PC anyway? I'm never sure.' And get them to spell it out for me. Same with 'Woke'. What does it actually mean, and why do people disagree with it?

You must have more tact than I do, Kit. I'd call those people out as jack-assed homophobes. It's bad enough they were making fun of you, but what's their problem with lesbians? It's unbelievable how pinheaded and arrogant (some) people seem to be over there. I've never encountered that type of attitude where I live. Honestly! Maybe I'm sheltered but I just don't hear people speak like that. I notice you've made a few comments about the people there expecting all sorts of sexist stuff, like women needing to look and act a certain way. You have my sympathy dealing with that crap.

Well I was in my teens/twenties, it's hard to be assertive and confident at that young age, when surrounded by bullies. And as I said, it was the 1980s/90s when people were a lot less enlightened, and anyone suspected of being gay was mocked mercilessly.

I think America is generally more enlightened than Britain.

I understand. I'm not faulting you for not speaking up, but it ruffles my feathers to think about it. I'm wondering what I really would have done at that age especially since I don't speak much, and I had difficulties with confidence like you. Chances are I would have uttered some type of sarcastic quip or expletive impulsively, partly as a defensive mechanism but also to show my displeasure. I'm glad things are improving a bit in your estimation.

Thats a common form of self flattery in public gatherings...to declare yourself to be "a troublemaker".

I think I just stared at them, confused. I knew I wasn't gay, so why on earth did they think I was? It's only now looking back I've realised why they were being idiots.

I have gay friends, they are far more girly and fashionable than me, it's funny really. People judge so much on outside appearances when it's what is inside that matters

Some people judge me and my boyfriend for the big age gap. But I try not to get all angry about it. People will have opinions and it might seem weird to them what I see in a man of 60. I've been criticised about not dating men my own age. They even joke about it. One person said to my boyfriend "has she got her GCSE results yet?" as a mocking sort of joke. That one made me laugh. I can't change the way they think. Swearing and hating them won't change the way they think.

In the old days, it wasn't rare at all for younger women to date older men. My father married someone 25 years his junior. My "stepmother" (she's 4 years older than me, so it's ridiculous to call her "mom") doesn't regret one day of the marriage---even when she had to take care of him right before he passed away.

I have a friend who is a trans woman. She is one of the kindest people I know. Apparently she took inspiration from some of my outfits when buying new clothes during the transitionary process. I find that flattering. We've been friends for a while.

Personally, I find it odd when some people seem to present the topic as if trans women somehow invalidate cisgender women. As if I'm supposed to be offended by the existence of trans people. In reality, I've actually found our friendship to be enlightening. We sometimes have conversations where we compare experiences. She's previously remarked on being frustrated with experiencing sexism, but also feeling validated by it, and feeling somewhat guilty about finding validation in bad experiences. I don't fault her for this as this makes a lot of sense to me.

We share more common ground than not. However, it is interesting to hear how our experiences differ. It's nice to hear different perspectives. Hearing about what it's like to be perceived as male and how societal treatment changes when you're perceived as female is interesting to me. Likewise, I've had the opposite conversation with former friends that are trans men (we've since drifted apart over time).

I think that a significant amount of cisgender people struggle to relate to transgender people, since most cis people have never had a reason to question their gender identity. So they struggle to fathom why someone might question their own.

Transitioning is a big life decision. Which is why therapy is a required part of transitioning. A mental health professional needs to ensure that gender dysphoria is the most apt explanation in the situation. Sometimes there are other underlying issues which better explain what is happening with the patient and gender reassignment is not the right course of action. I know that certain people like to use these situations as an 'Aha! You see?' teachable moment. Yet it should be noted that people detransitioning or taking a different path does not invalidate the existence of trans people. The therapy process, when done properly, is a lengthy but necessary one. Waiting lists for starting hormone treatment can be an especially long wait.

I don't find that hard to believe at all. I bet she is nice. Being trans doesn't define an individual's personality. I've never doubted that. I like any individual as long as they're not a consistent jerk. Just like autism. I like autistic people but I hate autism itself and I hate being on the spectrum.

I wish people would understand that you can feel two different things about one thing. A bit like I can fancy a guy who I really dislike (not aiming at you by the way).

Not all transgender ppl are the same.
Your generalisation is not warranted, imo.

You are entitled to your opinion.
I, and others, don't share your perspective.

Those who take offence do so as a result of a misunderstanding, IMO.

BTW. Sharing and explaining to a non-judgemental person can be a cathartic experience.

This is common for those on the spectrum.
I have learnt to avoid most ppl because of this.

"Love" and "sympathy" are two different concepts, based on my choice of dictionaries.

I was referring to suicide, because that's what you said you didn't "understand".

Getting into the "nitty gritty', here.

Your context involves people who want to interact directly with a person.
There are times when someone is simply considering the "question" from a distance, which is what I was doing.
I was not directly interacting with a specific person.
I was simply making a statement of fact.

As Babbly and I mentioned/suggested, there are times when it is better for us not to interact directly.