5 Top Regrets People Have At the End of Their Lives

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something to read before you near the end of yours.

http://www.alternet.org/5-top-regrets-p ... heir-lives

Interesting read. Thank you.

I continually have fights with my folks over stuff I want to do. We fought over me moving out of the house when I was 18. We fought over my move to San Francisco when I was 19. We fought over college, over my business aspirations. We're now fighting over my desire to go live on land in Oregon and raise my own food. I'm 38 and I'm sick of fighting with them. My parents never lived their dreams, they simply worked all their lives. Now they sit in front of the TV all day. I want to live.

These are not so very different from the work that the counsellors and social workers do with my terminal patients. (God help them if I had to have those conversations with them!).

One of the fortunate things that comes with a diagnosis of terminal illness is the renewed focus that it gives patients to live life to the absolute fullest, right up until the last possible day. It also helps to give family and loved ones the emotional strength to make the difficult decisions when the time comes to discontinue futile care.

I would be interested to contrast the top 5 regrets from people dying in collective societies. Those listed seem to be symptomatic of the individualistic societies that so typify the anglo speaking world.

cyberdad, You bring up an interesting point. I am now wondering how the list would be different coming from people in collective societies.

I guess one of the things that struck me when I read it was number 4 - staying in touch with friends. I have no friends to stay in touch with and am not sure if I would ever WANT to stay in touch with the acquaintances I now see somewhat regularly.

Here in the rehab hospital (I'm getting out of today! ), we have group therapy sessions to discuss the life changes caused by the various illnesses/injuries/disabilities group members must cope with...

Most of the patients here are older and dealing with strokes, other brain injuries, or spinal cord injuries...

Anyway, most of them express the same regrets--especially about working too much.

that was very interesting to read. it gave me a rather good insight into how most people are.

although i am not nearing the end of my life, i saw very many dissimilarities between what most people feel and what i do.

i do not think i would have any regrets at the end of my life even though i have lived an uneventful and "boring" life (as most people would describe it)

i never behaved in any way other than that came naturally to me. i may have been abrupt, abrasive and seemingly unfriendly (not hostile), but i never "put on a happy face" or acted in any way that was influenced by others expectations.



i did not work very hard at all. i always found ways to alleviate my workloads.
when i was a programmer, i worked from home and wrote a few systems that took a few months to write, and i was asked to run those systems from my home, and i earned for a while $9000 per month for 3 days per month of actual "effort" , and that effort only required me to import the data in the morning of the first day, and press a single button that did all the work, and i went back to bed until i felt like getting up. the next day the processing was finished and i sent them the reports and database updates, and the third day was allocated to queries (after 11am) they may have about my data, but they almost never queried it, and that was all i had to do once per month.
so, at 40 i am retired and i own my own house and i do not have to do anything at all.



i never really had feelings to express.



i never had many real friends. i have only 2 real friends and that includes my girlfriend. i never ring them up, but they ring me very often. they do not feel that i do not value them. they are very used to the fact that i never ring anyone. they are very long term friends.



i have a neutral state of emotions. i am very rarely happy and very rarely sad.

i do not think i would prefer my life to have unfolded any differently when i realise my time is drawing to an end.

b9, thank you for your wonderful reply.

I don't know what I would do with myself if I wasn't working. While I always loved computer programming, I was never able to get into the field, so I have been a cashier most of my life, ie low wages. Went though a divorce 11 years ago and lost everything. Last fall I bought a house on my own and I am hoping to pay it off before I start pushing daisies.

I think my regret would be I couldn't help my children more. I'm aspie, son is ADHD, dyslexic, and more aspie than I am, daughter is bipolar and aspie. They are adults who are living with me and I worry they won't be able to live on their own, daughter more than son.

i can not work out how to reply to your post.
my post was maybe a bit smug, and your post was not.

are you serious in saying thanks for my post? i see that you have had disappointments in your life and i would not feel good if i lived your life..

maybe you are lucky in that you have given birth or whatever..

actually, the more i think about it the more i think you may not be serious in your appreciation of my post.

if it is the case that you are insulting me, then you may benefit by the information that if i knew you, i would have given you all you need if we were friends,
i gave plenty of people help. i payed their rents etc, i am not greedy.

i do not understand the genesis of your reply to me.

I think her reply was sincerely grateful for another perspective and that you took the time to give a carefully thought-out answer to her very interesting post. So many are in the pit of despair, it is refreshing to know that some have lived well.

b9,
I was serious in my appreciation for your post. It actually makes me happy to read about someone being successful in their life when so often all that is written is pain and tragedy.

I had some pretty high hurdles to overcome, but I am very happy to be where I am now because I had some friends like you who helped me get back on my feet.

No, no insult was intended and I apologize for my post not being clear.

Hey B9 kindly don't give us Australians a bad name overseas. She was just being nice to you.

yes i know now. i misunderstood and i will explain why in my response to "bliss's" post.




i am sorry that i did not know if you were being sarcastic because i did not see how my post could be described as "wonderful".

when i reread what i originally posted, it struck me that i just talked about myself without regard to the terminally ill people's reasons for their regrets.

also, i may have seemed like a lazy person when i said i always endeavored to avoid hard work by automating my chores.

and mostly, i may have seemed smug and boastful by saying that for little effort, i attained a house and now i have no obligations. those sentiments are generally not considered praiseworthy by most people who work hard and toil for what they have.

when you appraised my post as "wonderful", i initially felt good, but then i reread my post and thought it maybe more likely to be sarcastic because you then went on to describe your own life as hard, and i truly thought my post sounded like it was written by a uncompassionate as*hole (pardon the language).

now i have read your reply, i truly know that you were being nice.



i do not think that many people overseas would judge australians by my posts. i am not a typical australian. i am not a typical anyone. there are many other australians on this site who post things other than me.
i am not very much liked online because i never use smileys (or any other emoticons), and i rarely use emotional language, and i do not use buzz words like "dude" or "totally" (as in "i'm totally freaked out by...), or "like" (as in "i was like totally blown away"). i also do not abbreviate my words unless i am recounting what people in real life have said (i do not use words like "don't" or "i'm" or "aren't" or "isn't" etc), and i may seem like a barren personality with a bitter and surly outlook. also i see no need for capitalization which may make me seem dull.

i do not appreciate being made to consider what i say with respect to being an ambassador or a spokesman for other australians.
i do not want to be shackled by the responsibility of considering how i seem as a person with relation to how it may influence other people thoughts about australians. i do not talk on your behalf, and i am not a bugle of australiana.

finally, your posts suggests that i was aware of her good intentions but decided to respond in a way that you deem hostile, but
i was under the impression that she was saying something similar to "hooray for you! not all of us are so lucky". i would never bite a hand that feeds me friendly words.

but if you did not think i was aware of her good intentions, then the only remaining possibility is that you cringed with embarrassment at my cluelessness, and wished to disassociate your self and your countrymen from my social accident.

anyway, i am done with this thread, and i hope i can avoid having to apologize for my posts in future threads i may contribute to

When I reach the end of my life (which is unlikely when I am actually old), my one major regret will probably be that I hadn't worked harder to lose weight and be physically fit, because that is what will cut my life short. I don't smoke, drink or do drugs, but I've been fat nearly my whole life which supposedly is worse than those things combined. Although I did lose a lot of weight in my mid twenties by walking for hours every day and drinking water. 8 glasses a day? I was chugging more like 8 liters a day, it's a wonder I didn't suffer water intoxication. But I could only force myself through such torture for so long, especially when the pounds started getting harder to lose. I don't really eat a lot but I sometimes go on a sweet-tooth binge and almost everything that was good for me as a kid - like whole wheat bread and orange juice - is now horribly toxic like almost everything else there is to eat. It's more acceptable to be addicted to alcohol and other drugs than be fat. I think I may have GERD now and soon my esophagus will probably be burned away and I'll be lucky I live past 40. I know I'm going to get cancer very soon if not already. I really do not want to die. The pain and suffering that normally comes with it, and the fact there's no way of knowing if there is any existence beyond it, is terrifying.

Well you make some fair points and yes most of us are not atypical Australians. In reference to your interpretation of my suggestion - no that was not the case. I wanted to point out that the tone of your reply came across as hostile. If I were you I would aim to be tone nuetral even if you choose not use smiley emoticons