New York Times Bends Knee, Changes Headline, Mocked by Onion

Post Reply New Topic

https://www.theguardian.com/media/2019/ ... ne-changed

The original headline was TRUMP URGES UNITY VS RACISM.

Oh, well, we can't have that now, can we. You need to know your damn role in the Culture War, New York Times! Repeat after me... Orange Man Bad... Orange Man Bad... Orange Man Bad...

So after being verbally slapped back into line, the headline was changed to ASSAILING HATE BUT NOT GUNS.

But now, the New York Times has come in for some glorious mockery from The Onion:

https://www.theonion.com/new-york-times ... 1837003333

And when Trump finally wins the Nobel Peace Prize the headline will be, "Trump Given Award Named for Weapons Maker Who Killed Millions"

TRUMP URGES UNITY VS RACISM suggests he wants a race war

Surely it should of been Unity over Racism

^ "Trump Favors Weasels vs. Ferrets" — not that would mean war!

Breaking News!!

New York Times To Run All Facts By Angry, Pitchfork-Wielding Mob Before Going To Print

NEW YORK, NY—In an effort to improve the newspaper's ability to communicate the truths that its readers want to hear, The New York Times announced Tuesday its new fact-checking process: running all facts and headlines by an angry mob of liberal protesters before going to print.

Every fact and headline will be meticulously checked by a group of angry leftists before it's approved for publication.

"The Times has become known for bringing you all the news that's fit to print as long as it doesn't challenge a leftist worldview in any way," said New York Times executive editor Dean Baquet. "That's why we're taking this next step, to make sure ideas, facts, and details that might fly in the face of your preconceived, liberal notions about the way the world works are all left on the cutting room floor."

https://babylonbee.com/news/new-york-ti ... g-to-print

As part of a rebranding effort New York Times today announced it is changing its name to “Coastal Elite Bubble Times”. Also announced was a change in the famed slogan “All the news that’s fit to print” to “All the news that will defeat Trump in 2020”. Media experts claimed this was in reaction to the Washington Post’s change of slogan from “Democracy Dies in Darkness” to “f**k Trump”

If you are offended by the above ATTEMPT at humor you might be a social justice warrior.

^ Where can I buy mine? Do they come in sable?

^^ I believe that's actually the Boris Johnson Custom Model, available only at select haberdasheries in the UK.

That picture of Trump and Johnson shaking hands looking like twins cracks me up every time I picture it.

Everybody's on a roll with this one, that's for sure.



A letter to our subscribers, from the New York Times
As told to Chadwick Moore

Dear Valued Subscriber,

For a mere $39.99 a month, about what you pay your Guatemalan nanny, you depend on us for thought-provoking personal reassurance, award-winning arrogance, hard-hitting sycophancy, and up-to-the-minute coverage of Orange Man – who is very, very bad.

The New York Times remains the world’s most prestigious Viewpoint Validation Service because we understand the crippling emptiness permeating the wealthy liberal soul – we are that emptiness – and you entrust us to make you feel good, smart and worthy every day....

But even the pre-eminent VVS is vulnerable to mistakes.

As some of you are aware, we failed in our commitment to ferociously guard the sanctity of your echo chamber this week. A headline appeared on our front page suggesting Orange Man spoke against racism. While the headline was factual, it was a flagrant betrayal of the service you expect us to provide and we literally stopped the presses to fix it....

Our customers’ pomposity and fragility are important to us. We don’t use words like ‘neurotic’ and ‘repellant’ to describe our readers the way shopkeepers, waiters, and dry-cleaners might. We think your quirkiness is the natural byproduct of the cosmopolitan, emotionally lavish life that you lead.

We know if we aren’t delivering our best, every hour of every day, somewhere a Yale grad might lose an argument if she can’t reference our content as the final authority. The Times subscriber understands that reading about something makes you a better person than doing something. You depend on us to be informed daily about the wretched lives of blacks and immigrants as a fair tradeoff for keeping them out of your own communities and schools.

https://spectator.us/letter-subscribers-new-york-times/

The New York Times doesn’t write headlines anymore – the mob does:

https://nypost.com/2019/08/07/the-new-y ... -mob-does/

*Trump finds cure for common cold*

TRUMP CURES COMMON COLD BUT NOT CANCER
Trump squanders valuable time and resources on the common cold that would have been much better spent on cancer

I look forward to a jury looking at the NYTimes' attack on Sarah Palin. Long overdue.

The NYTimes is the same paper that will not return the Pulitzer Prize given to its reporter, Walter Duranty, who provided Soviet propaganda when he was working at the NYT Bureau in Moscow, rather than reporting what was actually going on in the USSR at the time.