Your Turn: A console by any other name
Jacob Martin is an illustrator, writer and blogger with Asperger's Syndrome who somehow also has time to study for his High School Certificate.
He likes his gadgets, and sometimes even gives them names.
Jacob is not alone - for over a decade now, Screen Play has been naming my PCs after the Muppets they most closely resemble in appearance or behaviour.
Fortunately, Miss Piggy has now been retired, replaced by the more affable Kermit the Frog.
Click below for Jacob's very enjoyable Your Turn debut.
A console by any other name
I'm a weird one, for sure. Jung talked to inanimate objects. I give my consoles names. Names that aren't just "That's my Wii over there" but more akin to what you would name a dog, a cat, an axolotl, or even a daughter in some cases.
My Nintendo DS Lite's name is Nancy, even though she is blue. You would think that it would be the name of a pink one, but my DS is a bit of a tomboy, probably because of all the Japanese role playing games I make her play. There's no denying I've become attached to Nancy, more so since I named her.
She's more than a DS Lite now, but something more. I cannot love her as I could a woman but she's more than just something I could easily discard. She's entered the stage that a puppy or kitten has entered once he or she is named. Once something has a name, it is not forgotten. This we have learned from Neil Gaiman, Terry Pratchett, and a whole lot of fantasy authors I could name but am too lazy to do so.
The naming of appliances is a rarity, but a humanisation of what would usually be considered a disposable consumer item. Nancy will not just break when the time comes, she will die. Xbox 360 owners despair when the red ring of death appears, how much more so would they mourn if the console they christened Ronald or Darren broke down and had to be sent for life-saving surgery? Once something has a name, it's not just the PS2 that wouldn't play GTA San Andreas because it was too old, it's "That woman who done me wrong".
Personalising of games consoles has been around since stickers you could put on your N64, maybe even before that, I don't know, I was only born in 1990. But increasingly, personalisation of consoles is increasing, with Nintendo's Mii characters you use to play Wii Sports with, to Xbox Live accounts. Yet all this has not risen the popularity of naming consoles, if you do name your PS3 or whatever next gen console you own you're usually considered a bit dotty.
Yet I named my PC once, and it's served me well ever since. His name is Reginald, a stalwart Shuttle PC who's outdated but still useful, like an old Colonel who has lots of war stories, which you never believe because he's so short. But he's been through a lot, surviving the Virus Scare of 2007 to crashing every time I try to load The Sims 2: University.
Maybe he doesn't crash because he can't handle it. Maybe it's because the whole notion of young people acting like hooligans in a game offends him to the very core of his CPU. I never figured out why he can't handle Counter-Strike Source like he used to, he used to run it quick as a flash, but even though I've upgraded his graphics card, the memories of blood and battle have left him with shell shock. He will never grow old, only rusty, I shall remember him when he's gone.
Nancy is young for a DS. She's a DS Lite, prettier and more bouncy, full of humor compared to the previous generation of Nintendo's DS. But once the rumored double touch screen DS comes along, would I ever leave her and reject her for a younger woman? Perhaps I would keep the double touch screen model as a mistress, but I could never replace Nancy. She's too filled with hopes and dreams, and only when her processor dies and goes cold will her heart's passion be snuffed.
She's had eyes for my Game Boy Advance who sits next to her. I think Bruce, my GBA, is jealous that his lover is beyond his own capabilities. He longs for the days of his youth, always.
Such is the soap opera of owning named consoles, the envy, the loves and lusts of gaming appliances, the highs and lows of stunning careers, and the obsolescence of old age.
If you name a console, you remember it forever. I like to think they remember me, when I think twice about throwing out a still functioning laptop that can only run Doom properly, or my Game Boy Colour Misty who's a cold hearted vixen I could never discard, even though she hurts me so, when the games she can run outwit me and embitter my naive mind.
Deus ex machina. Always. - Jacob Martin
Screen Play readers can submit articles or ideas for consideration in Your Turn using the email address [email protected]. The best blog post each month as judged by Jason Hill will win a PlayStation 3 console from Sony Computer Entertainment worth $699. The next Your Turn prize winner will be announced on September 30. Only Australian residents are eligible and the judge's decision is final.
Posted by Jason Hill September 30, 2008 7:59 AM
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