[HELP!] I Like This Girl...

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Right, theres a girl in my sixth form who im friends with but we dont talk very much (infact if i go anywhere near her my face turns into the colour of a tomatoe!) I really want to start talking to her and get to know her a lot better but wouldnt know where to start.

She doesnt know i have AS (infact only 1 person in my sixth form does) as I dont want certain labels slapped on me. There is an autistic unit which is part of the main school and a number of others in sixth form make comments about it but they get on really well with me (and dont realise im autistic). I do feel as if my aspergers is getting better now though as i am able to talk with more people a lot better, join in group conversations and even sit and socialise in the sixth form common room with others there, there would not have been a chance of me doing this a year or two back. Should i tell people that i have aspergers or keep it to my self? (the last thing i want is to loose my friends there) And if i do tell people about autism what would be the best way to do it?


Any help on the above would be great


Thanks,
MATT

tell her your feelings,

or do you want to die regretting "I wish I had told that girl how I felt".

We only have ONE life.


If she says "no", fine. There are a million other girls.

If you can't say it, try passing her a note, it has worked for me, and I am terribly shy, and I have had lots of girlfriends

Seems a good idea.

But wont i need to start talking to her more before i tell her how i feel about her?

i agree with the note thing... eventually you'll have to just suck it up and talk to girls face to face, but when you are just starting out and haven't had a lot of experience in social situations like that, it's not a bad idea to do it in a way that you can express what you want to say without fear of stumbling over your words or coming across as being strange.

I think you should talk to her more before you ask her out (by note or otherwise), because I dislike being asked out by people who don't know me well.

I think you shouldn't tell her about the aspergers yet. I have trusted people I thought I knew well with that information and found their reactions difficult - most don't believe me. Maybe other friends who you know better would be ok to tell, but if the situation would already be awkward, aspergers is probably not a good topic to introduce.

I'm not sure about how to talk to her more. My own experience involved sneaking my now ex-girlfriend's phone number off a mutual friend, being lucky that she didn't take offense, and using txt (sms) messages to get to know her better. Txt messages are good because I have time to interpret and compose a reply, but this was a risky strategy which might have been offensive. Also, I don't know if your school has a txt message culture - it is a common form of communication by teenagers here in NZ, but I've heard it's not so common in the USA, and I don't know about the UK.

Perhaps you can join an activity (sport, club etc) she is involved with, to give you an easy good topic to talk on, and increase how often you see her. Even if you're too shy to say anything at first, being around her more might eventually desensitize you.

i feel you should definatly tell her how you feel. Im not really one to give advice on this subject, as IO am extremle shy around people I like, but I think it would be good if you told her. I also think you should tell people about your AS as long as you trust them

You say that you are getting better at socializing and are talking to people more often now and that others are getting along with you. In this society, I would say just to keep having AS to yourself. I don't see any real need for you to tell them.

Talk to her through notes or pass a note asking for her screen name to whatever messenger you have. Talking online with the person and phone works for me.

Wednesday probably was the worst day in my life


The Sixth Form Centre is quiet at dinner break / afternoon due to most people finishing lessons at around 12:00. However I had to wait until 2PM to sort some coursework out along with one of my friends. By coincidence the girl i liked and one of her friends were also there as they had a revision lesson later in the afternoon (2pm).

Somehow the other girl noticed that i liked her friend and when she went out of the room to the vending machines asked me if i liked her or not, i said no but my face went bright red so it gave everything away. At this point there were only three of us in the common room but shortly the girl i liked came back in and nobody said anything for about 10 minutes. However without me knowing she had been sent a text and told that i liked her.

We then all hd a quick chat about some Maths homework we had and driving lessons for about half a hour (yes how i talked for that long i dont know!) when it was then time for us all to go to where we needed to be at 2pm.

That evening i got home and spoke to one of my friends about it (who was in the common room at the time) and he advised me to tell her how i thought, obviously he had found out she had recieved the text. SO after talking to her on MSN for half a hour or so about driving (because id just had my driving lesson) we said nothing to each other for about 10 minutes, in that time i was thinking whether to say anything or not. I then typed a message into the send box but deleted it as if i had no confidence in my self. I then typed it again and sent it ... the following happened:


30/04/2008 21:14:21 MATT (*) Laura (*) i dunno wether to say this or not...
30/04/2008 21:14:51 (*) Laura (*) MATT if its what i think it is then please dont say it
30/04/2008 21:15:46 (*) Laura (*) MATT ive just split up with my bf and hes still txtin me givin me s**t and i just dont know what to do at min
30/04/2008 21:17:59 (*) Laura (*) MATT please dont take any offence whatsoever though cos i really dont want you to.
30/04/2008 21:21:11 (*) Laura (*) MATT i dont want u to feel awkward or owt around me cos i wont be around u

For those people who say Aspies dont have any feelings then how wrong they must be! I dont think ive ever been as upset as this for a very long time (perhaps when a family relative passed away a few year back).

I then went very quiet for a few minutes and simply replied with "ok" but in the mean time had changed my display name to include a number of angry and sad faces on it. We did then carry on talking a little as I am sure she was upset aswell looking at some of the messages that were sent to me...

30/04/2008 21:33:06 Laura MATT i feel really bad about what ive done to u cos i know what it feels like ive had it done plenty of times to me
30/04/2008 21:59:48 Laura :@MATT :'( oki love im sorry
30/04/2008 21:59:59 Laura :@MATT :'( dont think i can say anything to make it better
30/04/2008 22:34:04 Laura :@MATT :'( it still doesnt make me feel good about it though
30/04/2008 22:34:33 Laura :@MATT :'( u dont know how much i was dreading tellin u i really didnt want to upset u


Do you think she really is sorry and upset about it or was it just so i didnt get even more upset?

I had to have Thursday Morning off of school ... i told my mum the teacher was ill (more on that later!) and she sent me a text message to ask why i wasnt in one of the lessons that morning. After a lot of convincing i headed off into school on the bus, bought my packet of sweets as usual and went to sit in the common room with one of my friends. She walked in, saw me and smiled then came and sat next to me to say sorry again but i was still really upset so didnt take much notice of that.

It then got to that evening and i spoke to her a little online as usual about random things that havew happened in the day ... we have a tendancy to do that around our area! along with everyone sending people links to You-Tube videos.

Then this morning i got to the lesson i had missed yesterday and told the teacher that i wasnt there because the bus was late! (lie...) but she had already spoke to my mum on the telephone. I got home tonight and had to come up with a lie to get out of this ... i claimed i was ill and thankfully it worked however they have said to me i cant have any driving lessons till after my exams but im going to try and change this


Does the messages above mean that the girl (laura) still likes me and didnt want another relationship just yet because of her EX or doesnt she like me at all?

Thankfully we are still friends and talking but somehow even after upsetting me i have a little bit of love for her left inside of me!


Please Help

Thanks,
MATT

I can't understand this line of the msn conv:

i dont want u to feel awkward or owt around me cos i wont be around u

Is she saying that she'll avoid you if you feel awkward, or that you'll feel awkward because she won't be around you?
Maybe I'm all wrong because of not understanding that, but it sounds like she doesn't want to go out with you at all (not just cos of ex troubles), but really is nice and didn't want to upset you and would like to be friends.

I'd recommend not bringing it up with her again, and try to grieve and get over your feelings, and be superficial friends as best you can in the mean time. Hopefully when some of the worst upset passes, you can be good friends.