Am I gay?

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I don't think that there is enough evidence to say that you are gay. I would consider that incident to just be an odd thing.


Do you think it is because of your odd relationships with men so far? Do you think that this is because you have difficulty relating to men? Do you relate well to your father? Just curious. I tend to have issues relating to women, and probably partially due to my own poor relationship with my mother. I often view women as manipulative, emotional, and unintellectual, so I end up with some tension as I like the female body for my biological response to it's aesthetics, and it's utility as a means of expressing my biological imperative but I find the female mind... well, disturbing too often. I often find the male mind disturbing too often too, but I guess I have met more sterling logicians among men.


Interesting. You probably fantasize more than I do.


Hmm.... I would hardly ever say never about something. I would place the blame on something psychological. A fear would make sense given your need for control in a male relationship.

Interesting. This is evidence that can point to homosexuality. I am still reluctant to classify you as that. I might side with the interpretation of you being more homosexual on the sexuality scale. Certainly there is some level of ambiguity in your sexuality though, but the source is not something I could necessarily know.



Not naturally candid. Naturally honest, but I am usually not open enough to be candid. You need more outlets than one person. If you only have one person as an outlet then I think that would stunt/warp your growth.


I don't think it would necessarily take years of psychoanalysis, probably a few years of honest reflection would do wonders. Also, the more success you have at getting male friends, the more perspective you may have. You also might want to start constructing hypotheses and starting a huge program of self-analysis along those lines.


And that is why I think it might be a fear due to the differences of men. With men, you don't feel secure. I know that with women I often don't feel secure, and that this can cause huge neuroses to arise in my own psyche.

Well, no. I would encourage you to figure out what you really want from life and pursue that. Being a neurotic b***h is not the same as being marked for death by the space pope. You have another half of your life to work(16/2 = 8, 16 + 8 =24, and 24 is still young) something out with your psyche if this is a big issue to you. If you have this introspective and candid tendency then this might not even be *that* hard to pinpoint given that you will get even more perspective and ability to sort things out as the years mount up.

I would say gay, but I wouldn't put a label on it just yet
You're still going through hormone changes, and you don't want to keep a label that doesn't work for you.

Judging by you asking that questio to begin with, yes, you are indeed gay.

I've heard this joke before, and indeed it applies to most things: "Well, if you have to ask..."

See also: "He who smelt it dealt it."

Actually, I have asked that question of myself before but now I consider myself not gay. I mean, really, I suppose it depends on the person, but some people, such as myself just question and doubt things a LOT. Really, there are a lot of factors to take into account when looking at these things as our motivations for questioning can be very varied, and of course, one always needs to remember that dearth of certitude that haunts humanity in all of its endeavors.

So you're straight, then? You don't seem to make an unequivocal statement here.

I don't think you should question it. Somewhere in your head you know the answer. It might not be all black and white and it might be a while before you can see it but searching it out will likely only cause more confusion and stress. Just don't worry about it.

hmm, well u r who u r and if any jesus luvers say anything against it just say f*ck em.
i thought i was gay 2 years ago. it was asexuality. but im turning straight. if u can choose, choose wat u want but if ur livin in a deep south traditional town full of redneck racists, go straight if u plan on livin there 4ever.

Ohhh, interesting! I never knew that.

I don't know about that, it seems fairly speculative. There may be some connection but I'm not aware of neuroscience having it pinned down that well.

What is that even supposed to mean? "The masculine side of the brain"? Would that be my right, or my left hemisphere? Is this judgment based on the "women are creative/nurturing" and "men are analytical/violent" stereotypes? Because that's all outdated nonsense. Not only that, but homosexuality has absolutely nothing to do with masculinity/femininity.

I would say it has something to do with masculinity / feminity. Why is then that gay men are often so effete? And some lesbians so virile? It's kind of hard to ingore that.

It's because you're an ignorant homophobe.

Gay people aren't all like that; in fact, the majority of them AREN'T. The ones on TV are, but that's just because heterosexual folks can only laugh at the stereotypical gay characters, and because "normal" gay people that you can't laugh at are just too threatening.

I don't mind being called a homophobe, but why am I deemed ignorant in this case? And who is really responsible for gay stereotypes anyway?

I say "ignorant" because you're still relying on the assumption that sexual orientation is the same thing as gender identity/expression.

Who's responsible for gay stereotypes? I would say that it is the majority group in society (i.e., heterosexuals), as they're the ones with the power to dictate public perceptions of the minority group (i.e., queer folks).

I can shout at the top of my lungs for people to stop calling me a dyke, a pervert, or whatever, but what's that going to do? They're straight, they're "normal," and they don't have to concern themselves over the emotions/life/safety of a queer person. In contrast, I can call straight folks "breeders" all I want, but they'll just laugh at me; they're in power, and no one has a problem with them, so there's nothing I can do to hurt them.

In the (rare) cases when queer folks try to conform to "gay stereotypes," it is because that is the best way to be seen as non-threatening in a society dominated by cisgendered, heterosexual people. I actually found a quotation (I don't know who said it) that explains this quite well:

"Gay men have worked hard to obliterate their bathhouse image. They've become responsible, monogamous parents, at least on paper, and clean-cut, de-sexualized, friendly, harmless folks on TV. All calculated moves to assimilate, so we won't be thought of as pushy interlopers in pink boas who are just demanding too damn much. I'm not sure which I find more painful — the majority of the situations where it hasn't worked and we're still thought of as freaks, or the minority of the situations where it has."

Hi -
Firstly Miss Pickwickian - you're hilarious. This is not to belittle you or your situation in any way, but I love your sense of humour. That and your logic remind me of myself. Nice one catching out that bigot. Thanks for making me laugh out loud. Big hugs.

I am a 'mostly gay' (this is as near as I can or choose to define it) guy in my late 20s and awaiting an autism assessment, which I'm pretty sure will come out positive for something.

I spent about 15 years figuring out my sexuality, and my criteria came down to which sex I enjoyed most in bed. In the course of figuring this out, I've tried a lot of different people, a few girls, a lot of boys, and a lot of different things. I'm not suggesting you run out and get laid, I am saying, everyone can afford to experiment, slowly and comfortably. Or should be able to, if our society wasn't so god damned terrified of labels and people and well, everything. Fear pays the bills ladies and gentlemen.

You enjoy what you enjoy for a reason, maybe not one that you know right now. I used to wonder if I was biologically gay, or psychologically, or if I was just lazy in some way. It took many years and a big failed hetero relatinship to realise that going out with blokes allowed me to divert brain energy to more interesting things like writing novels (download for free, or order in paperback, my novel, by googling 'I Am Nero' about addiction, global warming, peak oil and economic/civilisation collapse) - which I wouldn't be able to do if I was doing the 2.4 kids and a pickit fence thing, and pretending to have emotions for the benefit of produced family.

When I was more inexperienced and romantic, I also related to my homosexual desires as a need for equality between individuals of similar mentality - i.e. 2 boys thinking alike. It seemed very egalitarian at the time, and still does.

If you find yourself wanting to touch someone's hand, or fantasizing about them, it probably means you like them, and would enjoy being with them. Your drives are your drives for a reason.

Lastly, it doesnt matter right now, (and its getting less important all the time). I'm in the uk, and we're slightly more blaze about who'se doing what with/to who, - kids these days (oi vey I'm getting old I am) dont care who you're sleeping with - its what logo you have on your t-shirt that counts. How you feel now, is how you feel now. You don't have to decide right now what you are, and any decision you make right now might get undecided in the future. Indeed your feelings might change at any time later in life. So you might be more into girls now, more into boys in your twenties, then back to girls. I hope not, it gets awfully difficult to explain once your married.

Sexuality is often described as a scale. The more unfortunate/adventurous of us often find our place on that scale changing, and we follow those changes to try different things. Its not entirely stable. And with aspergers, if you have little attachement to culture, social norms and values, its very easy just to ask 'I wonder what it would be like with a girl, I wonder what it'd be like with a boy, I know - I'll try and compare.' You might, like me, decide in the end that you could do both sides, but one side is so much more effort than the other its not actually worth it. Or you might find different uses for both - all my best friends are girls because they can hold a conversation (some of them even moving off subjects like handbags and eyeliner, towards world politics and social justice), and I go to bed with boys.

Take your time, don't rush, there is no deadline, and no race. Without encouraging you to do anything illegal at your age (I dunno how old you are or what your local laws are) you can afford to follow your feelings slowly into actions. Always be mindful of your personal safety, tell people where you're going, etc. Don't make any big jumps, in case you're embarrassed later, it might pay to ask someone if they're interested before 'trying them out'.

Oh - and try not to torture too many boys too much - unless they're the sort that get off on it, because hey - they might be stupid, but I quite like them, and its poor taste to tease those who aren't as smart as you.

Cheers
S

Last edited by obo99 on 08 Aug 2008, 10:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.