Feeling totally contolled by Parents

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I feel totally controlled by my parents. I feel like I can't just do my thing during the summer. Either I've slept to late or i'm staying up to late. now their trying to say I can't do anything past 1:00! but thats NOT FAIR! thats when i feel comfortable, and I can just relaxe, and excersise(sp) and do my thing. I'm just getting really really pissed.

Gosh, that sounds just like me! I'm totally nocturnal whenever possible (even sometimes during the school year), which my mom doesn't like and my dad absolutely can't stand. I get around this by turning all the lights off and having just my computer screen on, or doing my homework in bed with a flashlight that I can turn off if I hear anything. I think Aspies like to stay up late because there are almost no people around at night (that's one of the reasons I like it). Parents just like to worry and set "boundaries".

Wow, that sucks! Over here, my mom says as long as I'm quiet I can stay up as late as I want and do whatever I want. I wonder how that's going to change when I start school next week. I'll probably end up getting a bedtime of 11:00 PM or something. I don't know.

Teens have to realize that parents are the bosses of them. I know that I am a child, so I let my parents do the work for me, and boss me around. They do that because they want you to be full-functioning adults. They ground you for the things you do wrong because they want you to learn from your miatakes. If you talk to them mean, you get spanked with the belt, because someone can do that to you in the real world one day.

Er, parents that really want you to be fully-functioning will help you learn how to do more and more things on your own. That way you aren't dependant on them when you finally leave the nest. Mine, for example, are currently assigning me to cook meals so that when I go to college I have that particular skill. They don't just do all your work for you and boss you around.


I do agree with this, but your next consequence...


So, what twisted world do you live in? Because in the 'real world,' if you lose your temper and snap at someone, they aren't allowed to hit you with anything. They can impose other consequences, like firing you if they happen to be your boss, but they are not allowed to physically punish you. That comes under the heading of assault and battery, both of which are criminally punishable.

^^ agreed!. As a parent, and also a (grown-up) child of controlling parents, I have to say that independance and assertiveness are the key to becoming a fully-functioning adult.

I think it's important that you let your parents know how important your night-time freedom is, and why, and show them how your nocturnal activities will be quiet and not disturb their sleep, and also that you can be responsible enough to a) get enough sleep, and b) switch off lights, lock up, etc when you do go to bed. Your parents probably just worry about these things and find it hard to settle until you are asleep.

I don't think this would be a good idea. Not to rag on your parents or anything, but I don't think they'll understand. Most parents nowadays (and it was way worse in the past) have this "we're right and we know it" mentality and will brush off anything that's not in line with it. My recommendation is to do what the corporations have been doing for decades: lie about it, cover it up, then deny it.

(Lie about it.)
So let's say you want to have a late-night snack, then browse WP until 2:30 am. Your parents won't let you. At your usual bedtime, say good night, and go to brush your teeth. So while your parents are in their room, sneak some non-perishable food and drink into your room, hide it somewhere, then get ready for bed as usual. Turn off the lights and to go sleep.

(Cover it up.)
Once you're absolutely sure they're asleep (look for things like snoring, "good night, honey", or total silence), here's what you do. Put the bedspread over the space between the door and the floor, then safely turn on the lights. If you want to listen to music, use headphones. Eat the snack you prepared earlier, as quietly as you can. Then browse WP as late as you want. Once you're feeling pleasantly tired, go to sleep.

(Deny it.)
The next morning, if your parents ask you about the sounds of you walking around, go ahead and tell them: "I went to the bathroom" or "I wanted some water." Try to sounds surprised and slightly annoyed when you say these things. It will get easier with practice.

Regards, and best of luck.

I had/have kind of similar problems. Well, parents never liked me staying up all night and still dont but they dont and never have stopped me from doing it, which is good. [cept schooldays obvioiusly] my dad does it too actually, clash sometimes cus of that, both want the comp and peace and quiet.

i disagree that all parents wouldnt understand this need, mine do, theyre not thrilled about it but they understand well enough. you COULD lie but maybe you should try the truth first and you can always go to lying afterwards if you needed to.

Kate

I have to agree with Viv. My parents understand my desire to stay up late during the summer, and as long as I wake up before noon and don't disturb anyone they honestly don't care what my sleeping habits are (during the summer; during school it's different). Talking to them about it helped a lot. Try talking with them first--sometimes you'd be amazed at what they will understand!

If you really can't sleep and they still refuse to allow you to stay up, try waiting until they are asleep and quietly reading in your room until you do fall asleep. That was my solution during my younger years, when my parents did impose a bed time on me.

You are so totally right!My stepfather is always making my little bro and I do chores!
Rake the yard,fold the clothes,clean the bathroom,etc. He basicly wants us to grow
up in 2 seconds! If it wasen`t for the fact he was brainwashed by the army
I`d think he was an evil tormenter!

I like staying up late for far different reasons. I like to keep my eyes open during the night is because when you stay up late the very fabric of your mental universe bends to the cruel winds of fate, the darkness of the sky above revealing what we have seen in the golden hours of day to be no more than a sweet, poisonous illusion.

I mainly stay up late because I have a hard time tearing myself away from whatever I'm doing to go to bed. On school days, I wake up at four just because I like my alone time.

Hi again TubbyChef. I strongly agree with you. I am saying after your child turns 16. That's when I would want to be independant. At the earliest I would say, Freshman year of High School.

You sound exactly like me (with the nocturnal thing). I prefer being up during the night and sleeping during the day.

I'm 18 now, so I do it whether or not my parents like it They generally don't care though, they just kind of shake their heads and don't understand it.

Just remember that they are doing it not to be mean, but because they are concerned about your health.

The notion of "being concerned about someone else's health" always irritated me to no end. I think it's hypocracy in its purest form. It's the child's health, not the parent's. And how can parents say they care about their child's health, when they punish the child for doing something unhealthy. From a child's point of view, it becomes nothing more than a difficult choice between discomfort (going to bed early) or punishment (staying up late). It's nothing more than picking the lesser of two evils.

I fail to see how that is hypocritical. In order for it to be hypocritical, the parents would have to be doing something to jeoprodize (sic) their own health while at the same time punishing their kid for doing something that affects his own health. Otherwise, the word "hypocracy" makes no sense in your comment.

And I don't notice the original poster expressing anywhere on this forum that he has expressed to his parents in any way whatsoever how it makes him uncomfortable not being up at night. If he hasn't told them, how are his parents supposed to know? I totally sympathize with him/her, i have the exact same problem (it is current 5:22AM, haven't gone to bed yet). However, he seems to think his parents are getting mad at him for it just to be totalitarian as*holes, which I have a hard time believing.