What age did you realize you were different

Post Reply New Topic

There wasn't one clear moment for me. I've felt different since I started pre-school at age 3. Realising I was different wasn't so much a case of 'spotting the differences' it was more about realising the differences shouldn't be there. The way I see it, when I was little the main difference between me and everyone else, was that I was me, and they were everyone else. At the age of 4 or 5 I became more aware of the fact that through other peoples eyes, I was different. I got in trouble a lot and didn't know how to play with the other kids. 
When I learned more about aspergers at age 13/14, I related to parts of it, but I was still unaware of all the social mistakes and difficulties I had. After that, I was more aware of how I was different and realised I probably did have aspergers. I was diagnosed about 2 years later at age 15. 
As for when I cared, I always have. I've cared more when it's caused me difficulties and more as I get older. 

As soon as I entered kindergarten, I think.

http://i1.theportalwiki.net/img/4/45/Tu ... tube09.wav

I started noticing I was different around about second grade, when, upon moving schools, I realised how completely in-adept at making friends I was; for all of elementary school, from the age of about six to twelve I had only one friend, and he wasn't even at my school. Elementary school was definitely when I cared the most, I was lonely a lot of the time and felt stupid and awkward because I didn't know how to talk to people like the other kids did. I didn't figure out it was Aspergers until this year, at age 19, when I read about it and it became my latest obsessive interest. I was semi-diagnosed by a friend of my mom's who's a psychologist, and he told my mom, upon hearing her description of me (having never met me) that it sounded as though I had Asperger syndrome. Apparently my dad bought a book about it when I was young because he thought there was something "different" about me too, even before I realised it.

From what I have read of the stories here, people definitely realized they were different in childhood. The motivation to do something about it seems to definitely increase with proper diagnosis though, i.e. knowing ASD and its symptoms can help give you a roadmap - hence the experts all agreeing that the sooner the diagnosis (and intervention) the better.

Still, it can be crushing to find out ASD at an early age, and the realization that the burden to fit in is 95% on you - kids will make few allowances to accept you as is if you tell them. Not as great as the feeling of despair from not knowing why you have these struggles that nobody else seems to have, but it's still disconcerting, I know.

I always knew...as long as I can remember, which is pretty early in my case. At age 3 or 4 I was dimly aware that something wasn't right when I was with other kids; I couldn't think or feel like they did. Couldn't make friends at first in school. There was just too much of a difference...my classmates seemed so weak and cruel at times, yet at the same time terrifying. I was ostracized and bullied, mostly indirectly. Teachers and my parents weren't really a help...most of my teachers liked me (which is not really a good thing in elementary school) and my parents were just the same as my classmates, my mother especially...with the exception that they held absolute power over my life. At one point, my mom caught me twisting/flapping my hands and started screaming at me about how it wasn't "right" or "normal". I was small and physically weak/clumsy for my age...had to have physical therapy and training for some motor skills/sports-related things, eventually it was pretty clear that I had neither the aptitude or the inclination for sports. This was a severe letdown for my dad, as he had been a basketball player in college and is a huge sports fan...also, this led to further ridicule and ostracism for me at school.In 3rd grade,one of my teachers, who I will not mention by name in case this hurts her reputation took me aside and said that I could skip the grade if I wanted to, but it was my decision; she wouldn't tell my parents. The class above me was even less tolerant than mine and I don't regret the choice I made. My parents and peers were hard on me anyway...gradually I stopped caring. I am immortal in my apathy. Desperate to fit in, I did stupid things for attention...at one point I realized what the problem was: I didn't know how to feel. This came to light after my grandfather's death when I was in 5th grade...he and my mom were really close, and she was in tremendous pain. I felt terrible, but couldn't articulate it. Pain, loss, hatred. Shortly after that...this is etched into my memory down to the most minute detail, my mom exploded on me and said "You don't care about anyone but yourself!". My mother's word was law.It dawned on me then, that I truly felt no love at all for fellow humans, or even myself. No one else remembers that day, or what it meant...so it goes. I tried to rectify this gap...for years I studied and watched other people interact, read psychology textbooks, philosophy, and fiction in order to get a proper understanding of "human" emotion. For me, this is all BS. But I found I was able to make friends shakily...I still came across as cold and shy, with a nice under layer of arrogance. Life for me is a journey in a sea of lies, with no end. I have no right to end myself, as I am needed for some purpose apparently...This is quite the wall of text here. Sorry :l
Please, please do not become me. Aspies, there is no limit to what you can do if you put your mind to it. Just do not do what I did. Pity the living, above all those who live without love.

When was I diagnosed?
I was diagnosed at five, to be honest it was kind of obvious- I could have a temper tantrum lasting an hour and a half and at three I began to teach myself how to read- in typical Aspies terms by asking my Mum why you would lick a pub- (it was a public notice)
I was also diagnosed with ADD and Tourette's at the same general age.
When I began to notice I was different?
I only really began to notice when I went to high school at twelve. I went to a small school and I was always just 'me' in my classmates eyes. I began to and still do go through times when I feel very out of place.
when I began to care?
At the end of primary school an first year I high school I went through a time when I denied I had aspergers and then at high school when I realised I was different I really began to care and it hit me really hard that I WAS different and that I would never be NT. I'm still struggling through this.

I started to feel different when i was 7/8, and i realized i most likely had asperger's after my younger brother was diagnosed when i was 13. I read through the symptoms online and most of them described me

I got diagnosed yesterday...
I thought I was different when I was 11 and met some autistic children, went home and googled "Aspergers" and it started to sound like me... I got diagnosed yesterday. I'm 13. It's very mild but it's becoming more and more noticeable each day. I rock in class and I thought i'd stop obsessing over disney by now. Guess what? It hasn't stopped!! ! XD

I was diagnosed at 4-5ish, but I didn't find out until 10ish. Before I knew about the autism spectrum, I definitely knew I was different. I watched other kids playing with each other like it came naturally, but it didn't come naturally for me and I didn't know why. So I definitely felt different from early school age.

I actually found out when I read a book where a character was autistic, then I asked my mum if I was autistic.

I was diagnosed at about six, but I've know I was different for as long as I can remember.

I was diagnosed in fifth grade, but I always had a feeling I was different since I started going to school. Most kids never really accepted me, and I was obsessed with human anatomy and physiology; no one my age ever really understood it. I was so desperate to be a "cool" kid, but all my attempts failed. I never really understood why I was so different, I just sort of knew before diagnosis.

When did I realize that I was different? In kindergarten I noticed how lots of of other kids would play together and I mainly kept to myself but it didn't really click that I was different till I was about 5 or 6.

When I began to care? As for caring, once I hit Grade 5 I noticed how quickly the kids around me were progressing with their social skills and I just felt myself being left more and more behind. What I also started noticing was that my best friend who was even more introverted than me and hardly talked was still liked better than me by my peers, this really confused me and it has continued to up until recently when I discovered aspergers.

When was I diagnosed? Well at the moment I'm in the process of trying to get a diagnosis or see a psychology at least. I'm not totally sure I'm an Aspie.

I realised around 4 that I wasn't like others, this was confirmed as I got older, while others did space or plants etc for their year 4 science projects I did einsteins E=MC2 as mine, or saying things I thought people wanted to hear then getting weird looks

I gave up caring for a while but since starting uni that gap i feel between myself and NT's has presented again stronger than ever

I realized it about a year ago >.<
It was like some kind of awakening for me when I started to wonder why I haven't had any friends for a long time. I realized that there's something wrong with me and I'm not like everyone else. I got my diagnosis last winter, 6 months ago. It's still hard for me to believe that I'm an aspie and I'm never gonna be like other people.

Probably highschool. I was always different and people gave me a hard time but I always attributed that to where I lived and the fact I had a very educated upbringing thanks to my parents. Always had strange problems and issues but I never really thought too much about "well maybe something is actually wrong with me" until those ages. Most of the time I was too busy playing video games or getting excited about airshows or the summer to think too much about myself. Had meltdowns but it didn't reach such a terrible point until 9th and 10th grade, before that I had largely been given the benefit of the doubt, being the child of a well-liked, yet eccentric teacher and being merely a strange kid who had potential to be really intelligent. Once I was in highschool stuff got a lot harder and many of my coordination problems and social issues reared their ugly heads. Oh I had them throughout elementary school but when I would receive a little bit of special help, had a guidance counselor I talked to when I had meltdowns and she would let me doodle on paper and talk to her. Middleschool was even easier because my dad was the 8th grade teacher and a lot of the people at the school had known me since I was a baby, so again, people were as*holes occasionally to me but my dad was so loved as a teacher most people didn't give me a hard time. I was allowed to get away with a lot and was very ignorant of any problems, hell, I thought I was normal then almost. Highschool was a totally different ballgame for me, it was brutal emotionally on me and I had frequent bouts of severe depression, started hurting myself then and truly becoming self-loathing for the first time in my life. People started picking on me, asking me if I was disabled or slow and I was eventually taken out and home schooled in the 10th grade.

A doctor diagnosed me with aspergers when I was very young but my parents were terrified and immediately took me to another doctor just so he would say I was normal, something they tell me they still regret. I received my official diagnosis of ASD (and mild OCD) a couple of months ago.

First day of preschool at age 3. First sight of my peers. Was not easy to figure out what their preoccupation was with chaotically running around, yelling at each other, snatching each others food, pooping in the pants, crying because of it, attempts at insulting each other, crying for mom and dad even when they clearly said goodbye as they transmitted the screaming-out-of-betrayal toddlers to the kindergarten teacher, and last but not least, taking each other serious because of this.
( Still no answers... moreover, the matter has shifted along with the evolvement of my peers, and is now gone 'sub-zero' but still very active, making them behave as though the Others are the one with the flaws, 'not me!'.)
Before age 7 being aware of having paradoxical thoughts. Things that should be discussed in philosophy class or subjects for movies, i think.
Age 13 I found myself asking my older sister: Is there anything weird or special about me? The way people look at me is like I stand out or something? Should I be ashamed of anything wierd? (nope, nothing remarkable about you, maybe they like you)
The Realization, the moment I really felt I had no chance to become this or that, and always be the 'me' only I could realy understand, I was 15.
But the feeling persist mostly in interaction, and is a lifelong thing so far.