Ugh, people are so mean and complicated (Long rant, sorry)

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(Sorry if you have read any of my other posts and I didn't reply. I usually forgot and by then, it was too late to reply... )

I'm just so sick of it. I'm too nice (even by NT standards) and yet people still just... don't like me. I hate it when I'm the one sacrificing things for people and I still get treated like I don't exist or I'm a loser. I thought being "nice" and well-mannered are things that are desirable in people as friends? I'm thinking of just taking what I want without regards to what others want. They don't care about me and what I need, why should I care about them?

It seems like everyone else has good manners, unless it comes to me. I could even be walking behind a person through a doorway at school (and they're perfectly aware that I'm behind) and they let the door close, almost hitting me in the face! It already happened a couple of times, with different people. I've even had people run into me while horse-playing with their friends and they didn't even apologize; heck they barely looked at me. When I was selected to work in the cafeteria as a mandatory service for lunch period, some people would; when they saw that it was me serving them food; would suddenly decide to not want to eat. I'm not very ugly or very attractive (not that that should matter to people!) and many don't even know me. During an entire school assembly, the chairs ran out so I had to stand. I noticed that when other people came in, people called them to sit here or here or "There's still room here!" and the scooted over to make room. I was left there standing for 10 minutes wanting to sit on the floor before I just walked over to the 9th graders' area and sat there.

Another time, this girl that has a reputation of being mean told the teacher I wasn't working hard enough in their group, and I got in trouble for it. In reality, all the other group members were just pushing me out by hogging all the work. I couldn't really get in to do my job, so when the teacher came again, he yelled at me for standing there and again when I wouldn't look at him (even though I was listening).

Another thing I hate is being so socially isolated. I only have one best friend, and even then, we're only friends because I listen to her problems (Doesn't seem to work the other way around though....). I went to a meeting for the first school anime club of the year the other night. To sort of aid me in finding new friends, I wore a shirt with my favourite character on it, because a few people that were going had shirts featuring characters from the same series. For 6 hours, in a room full of 50+ people, I only said about 50 words or less total. My "best friend" was there for a bit, but she barely spoke to It's to me, in favour of her other friends. I had some acquaintances come greet me, but the conversations were horribly short-lived. I wanted to cry then. I felt so happy at possibly meeting new people, only to have to face the crushing realization that I am once again alone. I'm the kind of person who; If I were to die, it would take months for people to notice, if at all. I was telling my best friend this, but in the middle of a sentence, she shouts out "Oh, HI JOHN!" to a passing friend. I don't like talking when others are talking so I just stopped. I mean, it wasn't that long, only 5 or 6 words into the first sentence but she does it all the time. Ended up calling my mom to pick me up a half hour early, I was just so miserable.

I went to a school trip with another club, and I was alone for the whole thing. In between waiting for events to start, I sat on a bench for an hour or so. I saw my other classmates walking by with their cliques and sure, some of the nicer ones waved to me but otherwise none of them really cared. I met someone there who was okay with my quietness, and he followed me around the remainder of the day (not in a creepy way) and I actually had fun.

Another thing I noticed is that people who sit next to me in class are really friendly with me. We laugh, joke, and I feel like a normal person for a bit. Until we get out of class. Then to them, I go back to not existing until I'm 3 feet away from them. I just don't want to even bother approaching them.

People must hate me because they think I'm dumb or something, but I have a reputation as a "smart" kid. It might be because I take a bit longer than normal to respond when my name is called, but I want to make sure they're calling me. Not some other person with the same name or just to make fun of me. Sometimes I'm working too hard to notice them, and when they ask me later why I didn't respond, I feel so bad.

Sorry for the long rant, tried to make it into sensible paragraphs so it's easier to read, should anyone decide to. Needed to let off some steam, been feeling a bit down lately. May have came off as a condescending prick in my rant, sorry but that is just me on my bad days.

My 'take' is that 'normal' people are incredibly casual and trivial in their dealings with others, but that this treatment hurts us because we put so much effort into relationships and are sensitive to little details the NTs don't notice. It still stinks though, and I can tell you are really distressed and fed up. Are you the only Aspie in the situation, or can you spot others and maybe hang out with them a bit?

I'm afraid I can still remember how cr*p school used to feel, and it's now 40 years since I was finally thrown out! If anybody tells you that 'schooldays are the happiest days of your life', please punch them one for me as well!

School age people are nigh impossible to be friends with, that is why a lot of my friends are older.

@ChrisP- From what I know, I am the only one. Or maybe they're just hanging out somewhere else I'd rather be. I think there was a group a teacher recommended to me, but being only (sort of) self-diagnosed, I don't think I'd qualify. That same teacher was also the one to say she suspected Aspergers when I told her my suspicions that I had it. Now I'm kicking myself though for letting a chance like that get away.

lol And that, I'll do. xD

@largosan- Same here, many people I befriend are older, like teachers for example. Hate it though when I'm friends with an older person of the opposite sex and they call them a pedophile or if it's a teacher; I'm doing unsavoury things with them.



Thank you to you both for your replies.

My school experience has been very similar to yours. It sucks, doesn't it? People often choose to like and dislike others for the shallowest of reasons.

Out of my own curiosity, do you have any idea why people treat you like that? I'm not placing any blame on you for the way others treat you, but I was wondering if you have any insight as to why.

I was content to lone at school, simply so I didn't have to deal with any other kids. I relied on (and preferred) my online friends to anybody I'd met in highschool. That being said, I've never got along with my age group at any point in my life.

@UnLoser-
I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one with this kind of experience. Not that I'd wish this misery on anyone else, it just feels a little better knowing that I'm not alone.

Earlier, I was actually thinking about why they would do things like that. One of guesses is that people who are familiar to me see me as a lone wolf type, and just stay out of my way to be nice (when all I really want is for them to stick around). But people who don't personally know me; and see me all alone around school, must think I'm weird/crazy because everyone else seems to avoid me. I'm pretty sure I don't offend people with what I say, because I tend not to talk much. Otherwise, I am just totally bewildered.

Thank you to you both for replying to my half-crazed rant. I appreciate it.

Related, but at the other end of the age-scale....

My late father spent his last years living alone in a house in a hamlet in Wales. Widowed for second time, he became very isolated after he stopped driving when he was 95. The very caring community looked out for signs of his physical well-being, but had the impression that he was a loner 'happy with his own company', so left him largely alone. In fact dad (Aspie, we now believe) did enjoy human company and intelligent conversation (rather than 'small talk'). He had limited conversation on the weather and the price of tea, but was fascinating to talk to about particle physics!

He once spent a fortnight in a home while we were unable to keep an eye on him, and he hated beingstuck in the company of his own age-group, whom he found dull, moany, narrow minded and uninteresting.He couldn't get out fast enough, and never went back there! I felt much the same about school!

I understand where you're coming from. I think you need a hug. *sends you digital air Aspie hugs* I had a lot of "friends" that would cut me off in the middle of the sentence, and they wouldn't allow me to continue. This makes me feel even more alienated, even more ignored, and a bit depressed. ...This could get long, so I'm just going to copy the OPs post(s), and bold what I can relate to. Maybe I'll italicise what I have to say.

I can sort of get where you're coming from,most people my age just seem to take an instant dislike to me...especially people that I actually like. Not sure what's so wrong with being quiet >_>

(So sorry I didn't reply for a long time, loss of internet access at home means I have to use my school's network. Sorry if it seems more awkwardly worded than usual and if it seems a bit rushed, I'm typing fast here because I want to get out of here a.s.a.p. Too many people!)

It's comforting to know that other people have had similar experiences. I just find it kind of funny how the people I've known all my life seem like aliens; yet I can easily relate to other people on here. (Admittedly I've been lurking the forums a month or so before my join date.) Sounds kind of corny, but I really do feel like I belong here; in this little nook of the internet at least.

All your comments mean a bunch to me, so thank you; Taleija (Nice meeting you as well, thank you for the hug! *hugs*) Charmless, and again ChrisP. ^^ Sorry to be so brief, I may edit this post with more to say, but I have to go now,