Confessions of an Aspie Teen

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Well I am by no means perfect...
I hit my brother on occasion
I pick fights with my sister so I can point out her logical failures
I avoid my dad a lot because he is ALWAYS trying to make me more efficient

I don't like my father. I have gradually lost my previous strong opposition to drugs. I thought I was Christian, now I do not know. I had mild suicidal thoughts most of 2011. Etc.

The list goes on in a similar fashion.

Until last year I was Christian enough but my logic is bringing me over to atheistism.

I may have a few friends (good friends) who are NT but I still feel alien when I'm around them even though I try to hide that from them.

I think the logic of society (being suicidal =attention seeking, etc) is very stupid. Why do you think humanity is such a mess?

Despite all the downs, thanks to the ups, I can say that I'm a proud Aspie.

I don't think I love my little cousin, that now lives with us.

Where to begin...
I've contemplated suicide more than I'd like to admit.
I'm 17 and have never kissed a girl or been in a relationship; pretty sure that I'm incapable of loving anyone or anything.
I dislike most of my family and have very few friends...even then I hold a lot back from the ones I do have.
I am an undiagnosed Aspie and will most likely remain so.
I'm addicted to League of Legends (pathetic, ik).
I have an almost photographic memory, but I pretend to forget things sometimes.
I hardly ever physically talk to most people and try to draw as little attention as possible.
My mom and grandma are complete as*holes a lot of the time and I can barely stand to live with them.
I know that all my art will ever be is a worthless diversion.
I'm probably a budding sociopath

Soo..yeah...

Oh yay. Dirty laundry time. Okay! Where do I start!

I'm not Christian. God has done nothing for me, and I divorced him (as in, I decided to not be Christian).
I'm paranoid about a lot of things. Such as this post. Why do you want to know our secrets?
I have a weird crush on my "friend" even though I shouldn't because he's my "friend", and "friends" don't like "friends" like that.
My "friend"/crush is 4 years my senior.
I have a 22 year old friend that lives in Wrexham, Wales.
I'm asexual.
I have a Facebook even though I'm not supposed to. Correction: I have 2 Facebooks even though I'm not supposed to.
Never had my first kiss.
I've only had one boyfriend (that I told I couldn't go out with him because I'm asexual and because the feeling wasn't mutual - 2 day relationship).
I've never been formally diagnosed with Aspergers.
I think my "friend"'s writing is horrible.
I have pseudonyms because I hate my name.
I don't think I like my family.
I don't think I like my mom, dad, brother, sister, niece; and I don't think they like me either.
I have a low self-esteem.
My feelings get hurt easily.
I've cut a few times because I was bullied horrendously in 7th grade.
I have no friends.
I had a friend, but I offended her with the word no and What fool doesn't bring their phone with them while they're on vacation?
I don't think anyone likes me (not speaking romantically, I mean as a person).
I don't take a lot of what my "friend" says seriously because he could be lying or joking.
I can't define love.
I think love is a useless emotion.
I don't like relationships.
I think relationships are useless.
I've fell off my rocker, and I can't get up (meaning: I'm so crazy, the insane asylum can't even help me).
I want to be taken serious.

Um... There's a lot more. I'm just to tired and cold to think harder.

I think that Stupid by Intelligent Design is a good song to describe most of humanity at this point.
I view some of the post here are wrong. Aka I'm incapable of love.
A more accurate and slightly more humorous synonym of love is obsession.
I have a sick imagination.
One of my favorite songs is Poisoning Pigeons in the Park.
It appears to me that only guys naturally dislike me in presence.
I don't like it when people considered hate isn't a real word.
I like to say random words when talking.
That's it for now. Goodbye

I'm almost absoluetely sure I'm going to have a mental breakdown within the upcoming ten to fifteen years because I'm probably not going to be able to withstand all the requirements of everyday life.

I rarely ever sleep more than four hours a night and sometimes have panic attacks in the middle of the night because I feel like the house and just everything else there is is going to crash down upon me and burry me alive. I sometimes hurt myself while I sleep and scratch my skin, woke up with a bruise or my arms twisted weirdly.

When my parents separated and divorced my problem wasn't that I loved them equally much and wanted them to stay together but that I didn't want to stay with either of them.

I don't think I like my father, whom I live with, very much and have been waiting to move out for years now because ever since my mother moved out I get along better with her. I can't stand being near him for a long time and when he tries to talk about anything I feel like I'm going to explode over it because whenever I tried to talk about something that's important for my life or his life he changed the subject or became very insulting and I hate the kind of aweful small talk he does. Also, he doesn't follow the rules of small talk which is driving me crazy because I spent a lot of time learning to do it and it's like sabotaging me.

I had serious suicidal fantasies for the first time when I was eight. They were extremely serious when I was 17 but instad of telling anyone how bad it really was I kept making jokes of how the world sucks and haven't stopped making them since. I feel a lot better though so maybe this helped me, I don't know...

I like to cook but I can only cook for myself because I used to tell others how I hate it. But I'm actually a pretty good cook for quiete some things and currently enjoy doing this every day more than anything else.

I started falling in love with my now best friend the day I met her. She was my first love, and the reason I know I'm bi. I've said I used to have a "crush" on her, but she doesn't know the extent of it. I don't know how I managed to stop loving her, but I did.
I have two cousins, and I love one more than the other.
I feel an intense connection to a girl who lives in my town. Not like I'm attracted to her, just that we're bound somehow. I can't really explain it, but I think she's what I'm supposed to be. I would love to find out if anyone else in the world feels this.

I find the idea of homicide somewhat comforting.

I don't know what love is.