ASD teens and young adults, help us all out!! ! :)

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Hi everybody So I have some questions that I would like you guys to answer because I think that it would help a lot of people in this forum, including me:

1. How do you motivate yourself to get things done (homework, chores, exercise, etc.)?
2. How do you make friends? (I realize that this is a broad question, but if you have any helpful tips please share)
3. How do you control excessive stimming in public, or find other less obvious ways to comfort yourself?
4. How do you make yourself feel safe?
5. How do you deal with people who don't understand you?
6. If you have any NT or ASD siblings, how do you get along despite your differences?
7. How do you avoid fights with people?
8. I don't know if everyone has this issue, but people often think I'm snobby or unhappy because my neutral face looks frowny. If this applies to you, what do you do about it?
9. How do you use your special interest (if you have one) productively besides annoying other people with it
10. How can ASD individuals become more independent (at home, school, etc.)
11. Any more tips, suggestions, encouragement, etc. you would like to share?

I know these questions do not apply to all of you, and all answers are appreciated. There are no right or wrong answers because we are all different!! ! Thanks a lot

Hi
I will answer the ones I can-

1. How do you motivate yourself to get things done (homework, chores, exercise, etc.)?
In regards to work or chores I make a "to do list" either on paper or in my head for the day and stick to the list. At the end of the day, if I succeeded, it is a very good feeling. Exercising is a stress relief for me. I feel bad if I don't do it so wanting to feel good is what motivates me.

2. How do you make friends? Friendships are not super important to me. I have a few and that is good enough for me. The few I have are based on us having a similar interest or goal.

3. How do you control excessive stimming in public, or find other less obvious ways to comfort yourself? For me, I will keep coins in my pocket to play around with. I need to have something in my hand to fiddle with at least.

4. How do you make yourself feel safe? In a public place, I always need to know how I can get out of there if I get too overwelmed.

5. How do you deal with people who don't understand you? With people like this, I try to keep conversation to a minimum and if I have to talk to them I try to keep it direct and to the point to try and avoid any additional misunderstandings.

7. How do you avoid fights with people? by following the answer to number 5.

8. I don't know if everyone has this issue, but people often think I'm snobby or unhappy because my neutral face looks frowny. If this applies to you, what do you do about it? I try to remember to smile more at people I am talking to. This seems to make them feel more comfortable.

9. How do you use your special interest (if you have one) productively besides annoying other people with it. My specail interest involves aviation so I have made my career in aviation. The other parts of my aviation interests that most are not interested in, I have learned to be conscious of not boring people with it and keeping it to myself.

10. How can ASD individuals become more independent (at home, school, etc.) In order to become more independent you have to interact with society. You will have to learn how to keep a job and earn money. You have to learn how to do this or you will not succeed. This is only my opinion.

11. Any more tips, suggestions, encouragement, etc. you would like to share? Always try keep an open mind to new ideas and thoughts even if it is scary at first. Do not beat yourself up for not fitting in or not being like other people.

Thanks for answering

1. Stimulants.
2. I don't.
3. I don't care what people think about my stims. I also usually stim less around people automatically because I stiffen up and my movement becomes robotic.
4. I don't understand the question.
5. Ignore them.
6. I have one NT older brother. I just don't talk to him much, unless it's about computers. Even when I lived at his house.
7. By not interacting with them.
8. Yell at them.
9. Writing programs I need? I guess I'll be able to talk to Japanese people if I ever meet any. And annoying people.
10. I don't know.
11. No.

Well that wasn't helpful.

I'm not sure how helpful this is going to be, as I don't have a lot of solutions, but I'll answer anyway.

1. How do you motivate yourself to get things done (homework, chores, exercise, etc.)?
I keep a color-coded spreadsheet with boxes in 15-minute increments for what I should be doing at any given time. Failing that...stimulants, yeah.

2. How do you make friends? (I realize that this is a broad question, but if you have any helpful tips please share)
For the most part I don't. For a long time between having friends made for me by parents and meeting people in grad school who actually care about the things I do, I pretty much didn't make any. This didn't really bother me at the time, though, because I was very much "off in my own little world."

3. How do you control excessive stimming in public, or find other less obvious ways to comfort yourself?
I've found that a lot of it has to do with the feel of the clothes I'm wearing at any given moment; a certain amount of constriction at certain points makes me a lot more comfortable, while clothes that are tight in the wrong places can make me anxious and twitchy all day long. Apart from that, like the above poster, I tend to stiffen up in, which makes it kind of a non-issue. In the few situations where I'm comfortable enough to not be frozen to the spot, I try to stick to the less visible / more socially acceptable ones; on the one hand I have a terrible habit of chewing on the insides of my lips, and on the other, I take any sort of music or rhythmic background noise as permission to tap one foot continuously. (That one is a little "dangerous" socially, because it occasionally segues into a sort of dance, which others tend to find hilarious. )

4. How do you make yourself feel safe?
Mainly I carry enough stuff that I feel "prepared" for any situation that might come up...Makes my school bag sort of heavy, but, well, you never know when you might need twelve different colors of drafting pens. And of course I always have a large book or two to hide behind.

5. How do you deal with people who don't understand you?
Ideally I don't; some people just never will understand and are best avoided. If they can't be avoided I try to explain whatever the issue is truthfully but without naming the disorder (something to the effect of "Yeah, well, I have really sensitive hearing/have a moral objection to that/am just weird"), because (I've found) that often seems to short-circuit people's understanding process, especially people I don't know well; they hear "autism" and immediately think they understand and stop really listening.

6. If you have any NT or ASD siblings, how do you get along despite your differences?
I don't have siblings.

7. How do you avoid fights with people?
Simple, I avoid people.

8. I don't know if everyone has this issue, but people often think I'm snobby or unhappy because my neutral face looks frowny. If this applies to you, what do you do about it?
This very much applies to me - It's ridiculous how often I get people asking me "What are you so sad about?" Mostly I just answer "Nothing, that's just my normal expression," because making an effort to look happier all the time takes mental energy that I need for other things, and anyway I feel like it's sort of disingenuous...not to mention that once I've been asked that, I'm frowning because I'm annoyed.

9. How do you use your special interest (if you have one) productively besides annoying other people with it?
Luckily I've managed to make a career out of my primary interest: I'm in graduate school for it at the moment. As I said above, this is pretty much the only reason I have anything like "friends," because a desire to discuss obscure points of history, language, literature, etc. is essentially a requirement for being in the program I'm in. Occasionally, though, I can't resist boring someone to death with whatever I'm building in Minecraft.

10. How can ASD individuals become more independent (at home, school, etc.)
(shrug) I dunno... The best advice I can offer is to be aware of what interferes with productivity, figure out why, and do something about it before it becomes a serious problem.

11. Any more tips, suggestions, encouragement, etc. you would like to share?
Cultivate a healthy sense of "F*** you". Obviously, apply with discretion where it concerns one's teachers/employer/whatever, but regarding the vast majority of the population it's not worth disturbing one's equilibrium to worry about their opinion.

1. How do you motivate yourself to get things done (homework, chores, exercise, etc.)?
With homework I always feel awkward not having my homework in class, so I always get it done. I always get told to do chores, and exercise is my primary form of transportation, because I find it wasteful to drive if I'm not going to at least the next town over.

2. How do you make friends? (I realize that this is a broad question, but if you have any helpful tips please share)
I just talk to people that I have common interests with, until we start hanging out.

3. How do you control excessive stimming in public, or find other less obvious ways to comfort yourself?
I don't. If people are embarrassed to be seen with me, they can find other people to hang out with.

4. How do you make yourself feel safe?
I avoid bad people.

5. How do you deal with people who don't understand you?
Try to educate them as to why I cannot accomplish what they expect of me.

6. If you have any NT or ASD siblings, how do you get along despite your differences?
I don't talk to my brother much. When I do, I just wait until he goes away and tell him no if he asks for money.

7. How do you avoid fights with people?
I'm timid unless threatened, so most people don't wind up in a verbal or physical dispute with me.

8. I don't know if everyone has this issue, but people often think I'm snobby or unhappy because my neutral face looks frowny. If this applies to you, what do you do about it?
It's kind of annoying to have everyone always asking what is wrong. That's all I know about it.

9. How do you use your special interest (if you have one) productively besides annoying other people with it
One of mine is computers. I fix them for people, and expect money in return.

10. How can ASD individuals become more independent (at home, school, etc.)
Technology for organization. Resist the thing you don't think are necessary. Tell teachers and parents that you know what you are doing.

11. Any more tips, suggestions, encouragement, etc. you would like to share?
Keep on keeping on!

Great answers everybody! : ) Many of them were very helpful and I hope that whoever reads them is able to learn from them. I know I did

1. How do you motivate yourself to get things done (homework, chores, exercise, etc.)?
Well, like the first suggests, I make a list in my school diary; only because it's the only thing that I read and remember to look over everyday
2. How do you make friends? (I realize that this is a broad question, but if you have any helpful tips please share)
I simply go up to people and say, 'Hi! I'm Mary ' Or if someone looks upset my caring nature usually takes over and I try and make them all better The latter is how I made my friends I'm with now.
3. How do you control excessive stimming in public, or find other less obvious ways to comfort yourself?
Clutch my clothing and scrunch it repetitively.
4. How do you make yourself feel safe?
Okay, don't laugh, but I pretend that I'm in a bubble
5. How do you deal with people who don't understand you?
*Sighs* I don't. I walk away from them :/
6. If you have any NT or ASD siblings, how do you get along despite your differences?
Put on my 'fake face' and talk about boys and Facebook fights -_- My sister is younger than me by 3yrs, she's 12 :/
7. How do you avoid fights with people?
I try ever so hard not to get into one; but if I do, I simply go up to the person and say sorry for what ever had caused the event. I don't like fights
8. I don't know if everyone has this issue, but people often think I'm snobby or unhappy because my neutral face looks frowny. If this applies to you, what do you do about it?
I usually get told if I have my 'frowny face' on; so I laugh it off and say I was thinking- when yes, in reality it's my neutral face
9. How do you use your special interest (if you have one) productively besides annoying other people with it
...I uh, kind of annoy everyone Though I don't mean too!! xD
10. How can ASD individuals become more independent (at home, school, etc.)
Since growing older I've isolated myself more; though I don't know what you mean here :/
11. Any more tips, suggestions, encouragement, etc. you would like to share?
If you have no friends, don't worry! Because somewhere out there, someone's going to appreciate you for who you are

1. How do you motivate yourself to get things done (homework, chores, exercise, etc.)?
I too felt extremely awkward being in class without having my homework done properly, so that's what eventually got me to do it. However, I have motivation-problems... and mainly did my homework in other classes since they were easy, I was always bored and couldn't get myself to orally participate either. Mostly, I just procrastinate and then work like hell to get everything done in time. I did a (six weeks!) long term paper withing two days, of which I spent six hours at school, five or so sleeping and the leftover time working on it without any breaks.

2. How do you make friends?
I still ask myself that exact question many times. Sometimes, when the people around me talk about something I can add something to, I just do. I make jokes, some are good, some bad and some aren't understood by anybody else, and mostly look for people that are not like me, but not like 'everybody else' either and that are more likely to like me the way I am.
But most of the friends kind of befriended me, so I'm not sure if I did anything to contribute to that.

3. How do you control excessive stimming in public, or find other less obvious ways to comfort yourself?
I never did it in public. Even when I was a child I went to be by myself whenever I felt very overwhealmed or had to concentrate. Sometimes others are around and they just kept quiete for a long time - so I actually didn't realize it was an unusual thing to do until I was around 16 years old. When I'm taking exams and such I usually just begin to wrap my fingers around each other and then pat them on the table... I guess others either don't notice 'cause it makes little noise and isn't a 'big' movement or they just interpret it as being nervous...

4. How do you make yourself feel safe?
I think of how gigantic the universe is and how little what I do matters, anyways. Then I usually go out for a long walk, mostly when I feel really troubled, and take a few deep breaths. The world is much quiteer and easier then and I eventually realize that something, even though it might freak me out and scare me at the moment, can be handled if I approach it step by step. In public, I also I wear Converse.

5. How do you deal with people who don't understand you?
I avoid them, which is a bad technique but I'm not confident enough to stand my ground and be the way I am, not minding them at all. I would like to be that kind of a person, but I haven't figured out how to reach that goal yet. ^^

6. If you have any NT or ASD siblings, how do you get along despite your differences?
I have an NT brother. He's part of a subcultre though and we don't agree on much. Also, he doesn't know I consultet a specialist and am most likely autistic, so he doesn't mind. He just thinks I'm weird -and is right about that- but we share the same kind of humour and I guess being able to laught with each other is essential.

7. How do you avoid fights with people?
I don't get involved in discussions about touchy subjects while they are verbal. I like to have written discussions, in forums and such, but I can't verbally fight others. If it's about something not related to an opinion (you know, like religion, politics or ethics) I'm usually getting sarcastic and mock the person who mocks me. I always stay calm though.

8. I don't know if everyone has this issue, but people often think I'm snobby or unhappy because my neutral face looks frowny. If this applies to you, what do you do about it?
People always ask me if I'm sick, have a headache or am angry about something. And my father got into just assuming, no matter what I say or how I feel, that I 'look rude'. I usually just tell people that I'm feeling fine and that's just the way I look. Concerning the latter, I point out how he should judge me by what I act like, not by what I look like without even talking to me and that accusing me like that (it's really rather an accusation the way he puts things) is the more rude thing to do.

9. How do you use your special interest (if you have one) productively besides annoying other people with it?
I tried to find a way of studying it at university. Unfortunately, I can't study criminology where I live, so I chose a cultural subject to get my BA in, hoping to take a MA criminology course later. I sometimes tell people positive facts when they are sad, too. About statistical survival rates, old myths and believes or somewhat beautiful sciency things.

10. How can ASD individuals become more independent (at home, school, etc.)?
I don't know. I just found myself facing situations in which I had to be independent because there wasn't anybody else to handle my problems for me. I also just told myself to act more independently while it was still my choice, so I could 'grow up' at my own terms and not be 'thrown in cold water' all of the sudden.

11. Any more tips, suggestions, encouragement, etc. you would like to share?
If you can - don't care about what others think of you so much. I do and it doesn't do me any good. Getting involved is important since I'm often by myself and happy with it, but I get lonely at times and don't know whom to turn to then.

...I just realized this was really long! Sorry for rambling so much. :/

1. I think of the lectures and yelling that would be coming my way if I didn't.
2. I usually makes friends with people I can relate to. I highly recommend it.
3. I don't. If I need to stim, I'll just stim with my HTC Evo's kickstand until the feeling passes.
4. I don't put myself in a situation where I feel unsafe. I also look for comfort that's easily accessed.
5. I don't.
6. We're siblings. We're going to fight ever now and then, that's unavoidable.
7. I don't really avoid a good fight. Especially if it's a verbal debate.
8. Doesn't really matter to me. It cracks me up when I look at my dad like that, though.
9. It gives me something to do, and something to think about.
10. I achieved more independence by learning how to take care of myself (cleaning up after my messes, chores, jobs, etc.)
11. It's dangerous out there, take this: