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melysllew
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05 Jul 2012, 11:29 am

Ok, so i am 14 and have now thought i had AS for almost 3 years. And still i can bearly even think of how to tell my parents. I have looked at some of the other posts but most of the comments on those are to just get it over with or sit down with them and say "so i want to get tested for Aspergers Syndrome". I have tried that but couldn't even go into the room with them.
I have taken online tests and have scored very highly in all of them. I have also done reasearch for at least 2 1/2 years and i still fit most of the criteria.
Does anyone have any advice?

Thanks :)



iggy64
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05 Jul 2012, 3:04 pm

A family member of mine picks up on the fact I may have AS before I reached the conclusion myself, so I've never been in your position.

However, if in the situation I would suggest:

A. Write a letter/note explaining why you think you have it and possibly if they don't know what it is, what AS actually is. I would print out the results to a few of the tests as well.

B. ask just one family member, rather than going for a big conversation. If you feel more comfortable around one parent, or just another family member then maybe consider talking to them about it in private.

C. Possibly talk to your school about it. Most schools have a counselor who can contact your parents and make them aware of your situation through an official letter, which means they have to listen to you.

I hope that you find a way to sort it out :D


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aging
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06 Jul 2012, 10:43 pm

I am in the same position as you. I'd recommend showing them an online article about Asperger's and then proposing the idea. Harder than it sounds, I know. Good luck.



brickmack
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09 Jul 2012, 5:01 pm

Pick a family member who you feel less uncomfortable telling, and then go from there.



chazz
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10 Jul 2012, 9:36 am

Same problem..but then I feel like maybe I need to get a professional diagnosis on my own before talking about it to my parents but then I'm extremely secretive and shy even with my parents



treblecake
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13 Jul 2012, 7:33 am

Just an idea but maybe in conversation one day you could casually say 'do I seem (trait of aspergers)?'
Then follow it up by saying that you've read about aspergers and that (trait of aspergers) is a symptom of aspergers.
Then go on to list all the other aspie traits you have, and finally say that you suspect you have aspergers.

It's a plan I made to tell my mum, but I never went through with it and ended up texting her 'I think I have aspergers' to which she replied 'I don't think so'.


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You are very likely an Aspie


melysllew
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14 Jul 2012, 12:02 pm

chazz wrote:
Same problem..but then I feel like maybe I need to get a professional diagnosis on my own before talking about it to my parents but then I'm extremely secretive and shy even with my parents


I get what you mean when you say you are secretive. I want to get a professional diagnosis aswell but i don't know where my doctors is, don't know who my school councellor is, and am rubbish at talking to people. I am hoping that my parents also think i have asperger's and don't know how to tell me.



UDAspie13
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03 Aug 2012, 9:20 pm

I feel for you...
I have known about autism since I was seven or eight (one of my ongoing obsessions is neurological and genetic disorders)
Didn't pick up on how much it can sound like me till a year and a half ago.
I can't tell my parents anything. When a thought goes from my head to my mouth, it loses about 50% of its meaning.
I have an IQ of 145+. I am really smart and nothing really wrong with me.
For every person I am talking to my IQ goes down 5 points per person per years over 3 years older they are than me. So talking to someone who is 13 means my IQ goes down about 5 pts and talking to an adult 45+ my IQ goes down approx 45 points.
I haven't told my parents that I have lost friends and if I tell them now then I will have a LOT of explaining to do.

I have poor executive function (takes a lot of effort to start and finish projects, and my timing is always REALLY off.)
If it doesn't interest me then I can't stay focused. It gets worse when I'm tired.

When I was five I randomly hugged people. A boy in my preschool class who I didn't even like, my piano teacher, a mall security guard.

Sorry after all that I don't have any advice. I am terrible at psychology (except for the reverse variety, and even that backfires about 60% of the time.) I only get your viewpoint because mine is the same, and even if you had told me about your parent's psyches, I wouldn't have been able to use that information effectively.
If your relationship with your mom is good then talk to her.
I would recommend your mother, personally, but I can't talk to my Dad about anything (he's kind of a know-it-all. He tried to tell me that my bikes tires were a different size then they were and wouldn't accept correction.)



melysllew
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08 Jan 2013, 2:09 pm

UDAspie13 wrote:
I feel for you...
I have known about autism since I was seven or eight (one of my ongoing obsessions is neurological and genetic disorders)
Didn't pick up on how much it can sound like me till a year and a half ago.
I can't tell my parents anything. When a thought goes from my head to my mouth, it loses about 50% of its meaning.
I have an IQ of 145+. I am really smart and nothing really wrong with me.
For every person I am talking to my IQ goes down 5 points per person per years over 3 years older they are than me. So talking to someone who is 13 means my IQ goes down about 5 pts and talking to an adult 45+ my IQ goes down approx 45 points.
I haven't told my parents that I have lost friends and if I tell them now then I will have a LOT of explaining to do.

I have poor executive function (takes a lot of effort to start and finish projects, and my timing is always REALLY off.)
If it doesn't interest me then I can't stay focused. It gets worse when I'm tired.

When I was five I randomly hugged people. A boy in my preschool class who I didn't even like, my piano teacher, a mall security guard.

Sorry after all that I don't have any advice. I am terrible at psychology (except for the reverse variety, and even that backfires about 60% of the time.) I only get your viewpoint because mine is the same, and even if you had told me about your parent's psyches, I wouldn't have been able to use that information effectively.
If your relationship with your mom is good then talk to her.
I would recommend your mother, personally, but I can't talk to my Dad about anything (he's kind of a know-it-all. He tried to tell me that my bikes tires were a different size then they were and wouldn't accept correction.)


All of that is exactly the same with me. I have the same interest in neurological and genetic disorders and, although i am smart, i don't have that high IQ. The only main difference is i have never hone round hugging people...



rickith
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08 Jan 2013, 5:21 pm

Well, I'll tell you my story.

I was scared of telling my parents that I suspected that something was wrong with me. I didn't think that I had autism at the time but I thought I had social phobia. I realized this when I was like 16 or something, but I just couldn't get myself to tell them. I was just too afraid of being wrong about it and afraid of being told that I was completely "normal" whilst I felt so different from everyone else.

I kept it bottled up and hidden and that sort of worked untill I went to college. I got into trouble there (because of a speech class) and was sort of forced to go talk to the counselor. He's the one who got things moving and called my parents to explain which eventually lead to an ASD diagnosis.

I'd say that writing a letter/email is probably the easiest way of doing this, but it might still be hard. I wrote a letter about my suspicions of me having social phobia but I never found the courage to give it them.

It's been a while since you opened this topic, have you told them yet?



DylanLarkins
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16 Jan 2013, 5:23 pm

The absolute worst thing that they can say is "no". Then you haven't lost anything.



chlov
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17 Jan 2013, 8:40 am

Now, I don't want to be rude, but wouldn't have your parents understood long before that you're not a "typical" child? Most parents do. It's easy to understand. They may alredy know.



treblecake
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18 Jan 2013, 12:13 pm

chlov wrote:
Now, I don't want to be rude, but wouldn't have your parents understood long before that you're not a "typical" child? Most parents do. It's easy to understand. They may already know.

Not necessarily, if your parents are slightly on the spectrum they may not notice your behavior as being unusual.


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You are very likely an Aspie


chlov
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18 Jan 2013, 1:01 pm

treblecake wrote:
chlov wrote:
Now, I don't want to be rude, but wouldn't have your parents understood long before that you're not a "typical" child? Most parents do. It's easy to understand. They may already know.

Not necessarily, if your parents are slightly on the spectrum they may not notice your behavior as being unusual.

My father appears to be slightly on the spectrum, my mother has many OCD tendencies, and they both realized I was not a "typical" child.



melysllew
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28 Jan 2013, 5:04 pm

rickith wrote:
Well, I'll tell you my story.

I was scared of telling my parents that I suspected that something was wrong with me. I didn't think that I had autism at the time but I thought I had social phobia. I realized this when I was like 16 or something, but I just couldn't get myself to tell them. I was just too afraid of being wrong about it and afraid of being told that I was completely "normal" whilst I felt so different from everyone else.

I kept it bottled up and hidden and that sort of worked untill I went to college. I got into trouble there (because of a speech class) and was sort of forced to go talk to the counselor. He's the one who got things moving and called my parents to explain which eventually lead to an ASD diagnosis.

I'd say that writing a letter/email is probably the easiest way of doing this, but it might still be hard. I wrote a letter about my suspicions of me having social phobia but I never found the courage to give it them.

It's been a while since you opened this topic, have you told them yet?


I too have written a load of letters that I have never given to them. And no, I haven't told them



melysllew
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28 Jan 2013, 5:05 pm

chlov wrote:
Now, I don't want to be rude, but wouldn't have your parents understood long before that you're not a "typical" child? Most parents do. It's easy to understand. They may alredy know.


True, but i am very good at masking my feelings in my opinion