Is it counted as molestation if it is this situation?

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Is it counted as molestation of an 11-year-old sexually harasses a 9-year-old consistently?

Something really wrong happened to me with an 11-year-old boy when I was 9, and I'm 14 now and have only ever told my boyfriend, and I don't know if it's correct to say that I was molested or if I am to call it something else in my head. I just want to know what it is considered. I can't do anything about it happening now though; it's over.

I live in the state of Alabama. I asked this question on a different website, and some people said it depends on the state I live in what it may be considered.

I would really rather not include details on exactly what happened, but I will say that I did not lose my virginity, in case that changes anything.

Also, just to make things clear, since SOMEBODY on the other website reported my question thinking that I was asking if 11-year-olds are ALLOWED to molest or asking if molestation is a crime, that is in fact NOT what I am questioning. I just want to know if it is possible for it to be called molestation at those two ages.

If it is necessary for me to explain all of what happened for me to find out what it may be called, then I will, but it's just a lot to type, and I just typed it all to my boyfriend today, and I'd rather not go into detail until I need to again.

In case a question relevant to this arises, no, my boyfriend is not who sexually harassed me. I don't think anybody will really think that, but I don't know what people will misinterpret after that guy on the other website.

Ok. So to molest someone is to harm that person through sexual contact or it's to be very annoying to force physical contact (in a sexual way). It is possible that he was a molester because I'm not in your universe but he might have also not known what he was doing. So take that in account. I'm glad that you're reaching out about this. but it doesn't actually matter what we call it. It was wrong from his part. And obviously I don't know the alabamanian word for that and that somebody who reported you is a complete dick no offense. also I would b very suprised you didn't break up with your boyfriend if he was the one... Anywho, Good luck

Well, that could be true, but he was quite persistent about pressuring me, and after he stopped doing it for a while, he tried it again when we were a little bit older, like 11 and 13. By then, I could've stopped it, as I wasn't a clueless 9-year-old anymore, but he had been pressuring me for so long that I kind of... got a little bit used to it. I felt very guilty about it, because over time, he got me to let him do things I didn't want him to do, but when I was around 10, all I knew is I didn't want it to happen, but it felt good, as he wasn't violent or anything, so as much as I didn't want to, I started to be less and less hesitant. I kept feeling like it was all completely my fault, because I stopped him less and less, but I was just a juvenile. He was too, but he was older than me, and he was taking advantage of me.

The reason I didn't tell anybody at the very beginning is because he bullied me very severely at one point, and when he stopped, I was full of forgiveness as long as he didn't think I was "annoying" anymore and would stop being mean to me. When he started sexually harassing me, I didn't want to do go with it, but I didn't want him to stop being my friend, because if I wasn't his friend, I was his enemy. I also had very few friends anyway, and I just didn't know what was right to do at the time. I also thought that I could just easily get him to stop and that he was just joking.

The reason that I didn't tell anybody LATER is because I started feeling like it could be viewed as we were just doing dirty things together because we both wanted to, (even though we didn't both want to) because I had let him convince me to let him do some things, but it felt wrong all along, and deep down inside I knew that I wanted it to stop, but I had gotten used to him doing some things and I guess I... I didn't like it happening, but I liked how it felt, and I couldn't help that. I just didn't know what to do with it back then.

Nothing like this could ever happen to me now. The only way I would get molested or sexually harassed now is if I was very forcefully attacked or something. I know what to do now in a less forceful situation. I just didn't then, and I feel really guilty about it. My boyfriend said that it's not my fault, and that when peer pressure happens, the victim is always made to feel like it was their fault. Maybe that's what this is.

Sounds like sexual and mental abuse.

I think you should discuss this with a therapist.

I don't want to bring it back up again. It was a long time ago. I just want to know what to properly call it in my head.

OK
Im pretty sure this isnt a normal childhood experience.

What you describe could be called molestation, from my point of view, especially considering your feelings about what happened. It obviously was upsetting to you.

I don't know if you could legally press charges, even if you wanted to. But that doesn't change what happened. I understand the need to "have a term for it" so that you can at least deal with it in your own mind.

If thoughts about it continue to intrude upon your life today and negatively affect you, you should talk to a therapist and get some help assimilating the experience into your life.

It is not your fault. Human beings are designed to find (most) sexual experiences pleasurable, and if he was not violent, it makes sense that you would like it on a certain level.

At the same time, it may not have been his fault (in other words, he may not have been intentionally harming you.) He sounds like he was/is a troubled boy and may have been acting out due to problematic experiences he had. This is very common, especially among kids. If he doesn't get help or heal from this, though, he could get worse and become a lifelong sexual abuser. This is one reason you may want to report this so he can get help.

I'm not sure if I am understand what you are looking for with the label of that situation. Google probably can define anything better than the average citizen.
I would call that rape. Regardless of whether or not the boy is guilty due to ignorance. Rape is what happened to you.
I doubt that he did not know that what he was doing was wrong. I think he did. Children that age are starting to figure stuff out. One thing they know for sure is when they are being unkind. If it was innocent then he would not have tried to belittle you, dominate you, and force you into it. It would have happened naturally with something that looked more like love.
Yes, he was a young boy. He was a young child and thus is not considered culpable under the law in this country. However, there have indeed been cases where the crime was so premeditated and vicious that children under twelve have been convicted as adults. Usually, I suppose, this is for murder. But the fact remains that children can intentionally commit an act they know to be a crime. They are considered guilty and punished the same as an adult. I agree with nerdygirl. Tell someone you can trust.
http://www.crimelibrary.com/serial_kill ... ing_3.html
Hope this helps. Sending hugs <3

I heard (from his girlfriend) him and his girlfriend broke up a couple years ago because he was emotionally abusive, and he apparently also asked her if she would have sex with him, and they were maybe 14.

All of his "problematic experiences" happened later. His mom died and he was left with his alcoholic dad. I guess it was possible his dad could've been a problem before his mom died, but I don't really think it was a huge problem back then, because he still had his mom and sister living there too.

I really don't want to tell anyone, because after he was done bullying me and sexually harassing me, he just stopped and acted like nothing ever happened. He doesn't do anything to me anymore, and I'm just not sure that I should even bring it back up at this point. He acts like my friend now, but I don't trust him, more because of the bullying part that I did not explain here. It is REALLY weird that he just started acting like nothing ever happened, because he was really mean to me, and he never apologized.

I cannot get into a lot of detail here.

But, I will say that I personally know someone who has gone to jail for child molestation/rape. I know for certain that this behavior started long before adulthood. I didn't understand it at the time, but behaviors that I saw when I knew this man as a teenager were indications that he was already sexually abusing girls and possibly children.

I also know a few people who were sexually abused as children who did not heal properly from it and acted out on others. At least one raped someone I know when he was a teenager.

I do not fault myself for not telling what I saw/heard/knew/experienced because at the time I did not recognize it for what it was. But, if I had understood and told, would it have prevented children or other girls from being harmed? Quite possibly.

The violence will expand and grow if this boy thinks he can get away with his behavior. The experts say that sexual crime is about power and control. If this boy thinks he is that powerful that he can get away with doing whatever he wants to whomever he wants, he will continue to do more harm to more people.

Maybe you don't feel you need or want to tell for your own sake, but please think of others' sake. You may prevent someone else from being the victim of a crime. I know it is not easy. Now you know what you previously did not know/understand. I was not at that point myself - I did not recognize what was I was seeing.

i would definitely call this sexual abuse.

It's just that with the way he is now, he seems like a person who would have NEVER done what he did, but I know what he did. He actually seems like a decent human being as of today. That's why I don't want to just bring it back up. If it was going to be brought up, it should've been long ago. He is 16 now, and it just seems like there's no point in bringing it back up, because he seems almost like a NICE person. He actually DOES seem like a nice person! I would never trust him, and everything he did really did happen, but he hasn't done it in a long time, and I don't really know if I could just do that...

I can only answer from a moral point of view and that is to say that what he did was wrong and should have been reported at the time. The fear in not reporting it, is that he will do it to someone else. He may not have been aware that what he was doing was wrong, but in reporting it, he would have received treatment to prevent him doing it to someone else. I can understand why you didn't report him, because you say you viewed him as a friend and didn't want him to get into trouble. The fact is, he wasn't acting as a friend at the time he took advantage of you and he is not a friend to you now and will never be a friend to you.

It's just that he verbally abused me and cyber bullied me so badly when I was younger that all I wanted was for him to be nice to me, and if that meant him not apologizing and just randomly acting like nothing happened, I was for some reason okay with that and his existence then. In relevance to the topic, yes, I guess I did see him as a friend even though he had been so horrible to me, and even though he started to sexually abuse me. That's not why I didn't tell back then though. I didn't tell, because I thought that my parents would think that I wanted him to do it. I'm not telling now, because he seems like a totally different person now, and he just really seems like he wouldn't do it again, and he isn't mean to me now, and I know he will never be my friend, but I'm scared of what will come out if I do tell now. He will probably tell people lies. I don't want to make him unhappy when he can so easily make my life miserable.

I would agree, it sounds like sexual abuse/assault. I'd slowly back out of contact with the perpetrator, staying in contact is only going to cause problems. There are no second chances after what they did.

I think you are asking two different questions here.

Legally, I do not know where this would fit into the justice system (although I certainly believe this counts as sexual molestion/abuse), and so it would fall to the jurisdiction of your state.

Mentally, physically, emotionally and realistically in the dimensions of daily life this IS most definitely sexual abuse/rape, precisely because of how it made you feel at the time and now. Also, whether virginity was involved or not has no bearing on whether it is counted as sexual abuse.

It sounds like you knew it wasn't okay at the age of 9, so it is unrealistic to give this kid the cop out of 'oh he didn't know what he was doing', because children learn to discern what is socially considered right and wrong in their culture at very young ages as someone else pointed out. Also he bullied you and treated you horribly, and presumably took pleasure from the power he held and I think still holds over you. He has you convinced that it was your fault and I think has damaged your sense of self quite a lot. People treating you with respect and kindness is not something you have to scrimp and scrape for, always hoping for the best while subsequently preparing for and accepting the worst. It is seriously a basic human right and you deserve a ton better.

Also you say that he seems like a decent guy now, but you also mention that he emotionally abused his ex girlfriend and tried to pressure her into having sex with him. There were probably people who thought he was a great kid at the same time he was sexually abusing you. People have many different sides and those who are manipulative are particularly adept at only showing the ones that are perfectly maintained to those they choose.

Also if this does keep popping up in your life regardless of when it happened and how far in the past it was, you will end needing to talk about it. It is amazing how positively being listened to and simply receiving validation and support for your experiences will be for your psyche. Breaking silence the first time is always the most difficult, so start small, like you did with your boyfriend, and us Eventually, you can begin telling more trusted people and those people in return will become (if they have any decency at all and especially if they are close to you) your confidantes and support network, who will stand up for you when you don't feel like you can do it yourself. Also, the idea that people you're close to, like your parents, will blame you is one of largely cited reasons that people don't talk about abuse until they are far older and is often untrue. Granted yes, some ignorant dicks will victim blame, but they shouldn't include your parents. Of course you know your parents character better than any of us, so you need to make the final decision. Try testing the waters by finding out what they think of other similar topics like domestic abuse, and how informed they are of rape and specifically what it entails (not just physically, but mentally and emotionally). There are unfortunately many opportunities to bring this up as the media and professional sports is full of it. But you may also find that your parents become one of your strongest advocates. How conservative are they for example?

Also, cathylynn gave some really good advice. Try and remove him from your life as completely as possible. You don't have to seek legal recourse if you don't wish to, but do consider talking with someone if only for closure. Others have suggested that you tell someone so that it doesn't happen to others, but as much as I support that I recognize there could be real repercussions for you if he has as much control over your life as you say he does. However consider that all his power over you comes from keeping you silent, and by speaking up you are taking back control, cheesy as that might sound. Please seriously try to find an adult you can trust.


tl;dr what do you mean tldr? This is a very delicate and important subject matter. Scroll up, you have eyes. 0.0