I hate having phobias of things and I really want to conquer them. I used to be petrifed of rollercoasters and I have worked very hard to get over that. I have finally reached a stage where I can enjoy them once I have been on them before and know what to expect, but the first time is still very scary. It makes me feel so happy every time that I have been on one though, knowing that I'm slowly conquering a fear
Current phobias/fears:
Banks. I have no idea why. I get anxiety in banks, for no apparent reason! It's so odd and really irritating too.
Icy/snowy grounds because I am terrified that I will fall over and therefore a)embarrass myself and/or b)hurt myself. It is snowy/icy right now and walking to and from school today was horrifying. If it is any worse tomorrow (or even just as bad, depending on my mood), I am not going into school; I can't subject myself to the anxiety :/
Being sectioned or being taken into a psychiatric hospital. I have never experienced either of these things before, but I've read people's accounts of them and many of them sound really scary. I am also permanently in a state of fear that I will have one meltdown too many that will result in me causing too much damage and will therefore mean that I end up being sectioned or being taken into a psychiatric hospital.
I also have a fear of becoming deaf, so I never listen to loud music with headphones, and a fear of having nightmares, so I don't watch any films that look "too scary". It's odd because I hardly ever have nightmares!
Oh, and I think this is the last one; heights, but only when they are open, if that makes sense? If I am safe on the top floor of a building and I am looking out of the window, that's fine. But I cannot cope with being high up if I am not sort of 'boxed in', if that makes sense? For example, I can't do anything like rock-climbing or abseiling. I get really anxious and start crying. In June 2009 I went on a trip for five days at an activity centre with school, and one of the things we were scheduled to do was abseiling. I told the people that I really could not do it. They insisted I get kitted out and go up to the ledge anyway, and then if I didn't want to do it I could just tell them so and then I could walk back down again. I argued with them but they wouldn't listen. Anyway, eventually I got up there, and they made me stand right at the edge of the ledge. I told them that I wanted to go back down and they continued trying to persuade me. My eyes became focused on the ground below me and I started crying and shaking with fear. They told me that I could go back down now; the thing was, I was totally immobilised with fear and could not move myself. It took about 10 minutes of them talking to me and gently leading me away from the edge of the ledge before I could walk properly again. Totally humiliating as all of my classmates were watching too.
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"There is no wealth like intelligence and no poverty harsher than ignorance."