Wanting to forget

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I just try to ignore these thoughts and say to myself, "It's over and done, there's nothing that can be done about that. Now get yourself some juice."

I have the same issue, a few years back I began just sleeping all the time because it didn't hurt so bad when I wasn't conscious but it peaked somewhere I wont mention and somewhere I don't want to go back to. Now it doesn't hurt so bad and I just sigh and say to myself "what's done is done" and carry on.

Sadly, whatever works for other people does not work for me. I'm still looking to drown the memories in harmful substances.

I'm seeing one, but it works too slowly. I already threw away my chances of anything positive, so "making things worse" is the only way.

Making it worse won't make it better ._. I'm pretty sure that's a paradox.

A counselor isn't like some magic drug, it takes time and effort on your part. You've gotta want to accept the treatment they offer and work with them to get around the memories that are causing you so much pain.

Please don't throw your life away in substance abuse, no one wins then.

In my eyes (and a heck of alot of other people's), substance abuse is a waste of time, money and an act of stupidity. As for "What's the point of trying to turn my life around?", you raise a pretty good point right there. We can't make that decision for you, you need to find what that point is yourself. Wallowing-in-woe, self-pity never helps. If you're not willing to make the effort, no-one can help you. If you want to "feel s** all the time", then no-one can help you. You need to find your own reason for not wanting to "feel s** all the time" before we can help you. When you do find that motivation, then you can start taking on board what we're saying and try to change for the better.

There are so many things I want to forget. I just can't think about them. I sometimes actually cry thinking about them. You're not alone.

A psychologist can help you to desensitize yourself to the memories so the reaction you get from remembering them isn't so bad. They will probably never go away unless you have the memory center of your brain removed (or suffer a TBI, not recommended!).

I also struggle with this. I am not sure, but I think relief can be found in forgiveness.
Real, from the heart total forgiveness. This is forgiving yourself especially, as well as other people who have wronged you. Hard to achieve and still not sure I would know how to go about accomplishing this. But I think of the stories of parents who manage to forgive a murderer who killed their child and seem to find a measure of peace from this act.