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Henriksson
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14 Jul 2009, 9:01 pm

OK, Henriksson is about to write a few lines from the 'heart' (points towards chest to further illustrate point).

I don't think relationships are all what it's cracked up to be. It must be demanding, especially for aspies like us. But, like many thing in life, perhaps the easy way out is not necessarily the best.

Lately, I've been talking to a girl on MSN. It's obvious by her demeanour that she appears to like me. We talk a lot of crazy stuff together, exchanging songs and images, and anecdotes. And, well, all these things compound into a sort of relationship. Now, at this point, I must admit that for me the line between friendship and romantic relationships are kind of blurry, but never mind that. I just want to say that I like her, and I think she likes me. She's been on vacation for a while now, and her lack of presence fills a void in my heart, I must confess.

She's in faraway China, like a whole world apart, yet so close. While the prospect of meeting her one day fills me with excitement, it also fills me with fear, brought upon by the veil of insecurity that suffocates me...

Also, I'm asexual, which is bound to complicate matters at some point. Though she confides that she doesn't crave sex from people she genuinely loves, which reassures me.

In short, I feel like I could share my entire life with her if only I got to know her better. The idea of 'marriage' seems such an immoral concept, in a way. A true relationship where people genuinely love each other in a romantic way will never break.

Though it's 4 AM right now after all, and maybe it's just my tired brain speaking...


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chibichibivcc
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15 Jul 2009, 12:44 am

Henriksson wrote:
OK, Henriksson is about to write a few lines from the 'heart' (points towards chest to further illustrate point).

I don't think relationships are all what it's cracked up to be. It must be demanding, especially for aspies like us. But, like many thing in life, perhaps the easy way out is not necessarily the best.

Lately, I've been talking to a girl on MSN. It's obvious by her demeanour that she appears to like me. We talk a lot of crazy stuff together, exchanging songs and images, and anecdotes. And, well, all these things compound into a sort of relationship. Now, at this point, I must admit that for me the line between friendship and romantic relationships are kind of blurry, but never mind that. I just want to say that I like her, and I think she likes me. She's been on vacation for a while now, and her lack of presence fills a void in my heart, I must confess.

She's in faraway China, like a whole world apart, yet so close. While the prospect of meeting her one day fills me with excitement, it also fills me with fear, brought upon by the veil of insecurity that suffocates me...

Also, I'm asexual, which is bound to complicate matters at some point. Though she confides that she doesn't crave sex from people she genuinely loves, which reassures me.

In short, I feel like I could share my entire life with her if only I got to know her better. The idea of 'marriage' seems such an immoral concept, in a way. A true relationship where people genuinely love each other in a romantic way will never break.

Though it's 4 AM right now after all, and maybe it's just my tired brain speaking...
8O that girl kinda sounds like me! (waves both arms for add drama) wow! where is china is she from?!

okay with that all said:
yeah, relationships aren't all happy joy joy. i've had about 20... and that's when i actually decided to start counting... feeling loved is great.... but i'm always scared of how it could end. i mean, it really hurts. a relationship is two people who understand each other and care for the other despite all of their faults and vices. you feel like everything will be okay, even when they aren't.

i'm not exactly the nicest person in the world, and i'm fairly shallow. my self-esteem isn't the most stable and i have my little faults. however, my boyfriend tells me that's what makes him love me, because i'm myself.
(honestly don't really know what i'm saying now)



English_Chick_21
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16 Jul 2009, 9:52 pm

hey i have a bf with aspeger and i have it. when you meet someone who is just like you it makes things a whole lot easyer. I recently joined a support group where i met him and things have been going really well. i always used to feel like a freak but once you no you are not alone, just believe in yourself and people will start to aproch you and someone wil like you for who you are.



shekel212
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17 Jul 2009, 9:51 pm

I find it hard to flirt with girls. Heck, I can hardly figure out what defines "flirting". Needless to say, I'm not a ladies' man. I've never had a girlfriend.



jbaspie
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17 Jul 2009, 11:01 pm

Aspie women have trouble gettig guys when they are unattractive.
Aspie guys have trouble getting girls when they are shy and awkward.

thats just the way it is, thats why these girls have bfs at 17 and 19 and stuff like that, and we have 35 year old men on here w/o gfs, thats because no many women accepts diefferences like these in males. go watch the autism love story on abc.com, even that guy said that not many girls accept differnt guys like him.

So guys its not cuz you're ugly or whatever, or because you are fat (that kinda has something to do with it), but because of your aspie traits.

and aspie girls who cant get guys, its because they are not attractive.

I'm sick of this whole social skills things with aspie girls, its not the social skills, its the physical attractiveness, and i dont wanna sound like an jerk, but every aspie girl that i've talked to on the net that has trouble with bfs, or has never had a bf, she says herself that she is unattractive.

Its all about what guys look for in women, and what women look for in men. and aspie guys who do get gfs, its not that the women were looking for shy awkward guys, they probably just like you for you.



jbaspie
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17 Jul 2009, 11:06 pm

SierraBell wrote:
I feel this way. I guess I'm too quiet and too shy or something, because I just seem to intimidate guys. Girls I'm definately okay with since they are my gender, but I'm really not a lesiban or even a bi.

So, does anyone feel like this?

Maybe we won't get our relationships we want until our teen-hood is over...I'm just guessing though...


You are right, after teenhood, its not about how one looks but about how they are treated. men wont be looking for that barbie doll anymore. and I know how you feel im quiet and shy too. and women become more open minded towards differences in men



jbaspie
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17 Jul 2009, 11:16 pm

SierraBell wrote:
Wilco wrote:
886 wrote:
Of course I never will. I'm way too goddamned shy and I fail to posess conversation starting skills. If I can't start a conversation no one will ever want to talk to me. =_=


I had this problem too :x. But what helped for me is to not say anything for a day or two, and just listen to a conversation. How do they start one? Who starts what type of conversation?

I start all my conversations with questionts to people who talk alot, and like to talk alot. How was your weekend? How did your match go? Did you finish this or that? And once people like you, you'll be drawn into more, bigger conversations. I find those really hard because I never know when it's my turn to talk, but experience is the best teacher :D

@SierraBell Have you ever tried to go somewhere with your girl friends, and let them take boy friends with them as well? You can go out in town and talk with new boys. If you go out a few times with the same group you'll really get to know them and maybe trough them you get to learn new boys, and mybe you'll be less shy around other boys. (maybe, idk because i'm not a girl)


Thanks, I actually find it better I got advice from a guy, because then I'll know what intimidates them and what doesn't.

Although just thinking about doing what you just sugguested scares the pants off me 8O


The only thing that intimifates guys is talking about past bfs. Never do that. never complian or brag about a past bf. guys dont wanna hear that. they just wanna get to know you,
also talking about bfs, will make guys feel that they have to commit too soon when they arent ready...its kinda like a "have my baby" statement in a way. only if he asks. tyrust me, this scared my brother.

guys dont get intimidated by much, ubless a girl is really shy around him, he may get shy as well.
also the biggest thing is to try to understand the guy, guys like women who understand them, and if not, we like girls who make the effort to understand us. cuz god knows we dont understand women lol

hope that helps my friend :)



jackdumpster
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25 Jul 2009, 3:26 am

Yeah, i'm really shy and always alone. Look at me and talk to me and it's like you're talking to a blank wall. I try my best not to act like this, but it's just stuck in me. I hate this, i want a nice attractive girl my age that understands me that i can love. I am the type of guy that if I was with someone, I would be 100% attatched to them, and if that connection broke, I'd fall apart. There is one girl I've known for 4 years that loves me to death and I love her too but she's to far away and I don't know if we can make it work. As the years pass, I worry that I will never be a match with anyone. What kind of girl would be interested in a loser like me, who does nothing, and has no friends or social life. It hurts me, inside, because I don't want to waste my life away like this. :( I am dissapointed in my life.



steeviebops
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25 Jul 2009, 8:16 am

jackdumpster wrote:
Yeah, i'm really shy and always alone. Look at me and talk to me and it's like you're talking to a blank wall. I try my best not to act like this, but it's just stuck in me. I hate this, i want a nice attractive girl my age that understands me that i can love. I am the type of guy that if I was with someone, I would be 100% attatched to them, and if that connection broke, I'd fall apart. There is one girl I've known for 4 years that loves me to death and I love her too but she's to far away and I don't know if we can make it work. As the years pass, I worry that I will never be a match with anyone. What kind of girl would be interested in a loser like me, who does nothing, and has no friends or social life. It hurts me, inside, because I don't want to waste my life away like this. :( I am dissapointed in my life.


I hear you, I'm in a very similar situation myself.



jackdumpster
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26 Jul 2009, 2:44 am

steeviebops wrote:
jackdumpster wrote:
Yeah, i'm really shy and always alone. Look at me and talk to me and it's like you're talking to a blank wall. I try my best not to act like this, but it's just stuck in me. I hate this, i want a nice attractive girl my age that understands me that i can love. I am the type of guy that if I was with someone, I would be 100% attatched to them, and if that connection broke, I'd fall apart. There is one girl I've known for 4 years that loves me to death and I love her too but she's to far away and I don't know if we can make it work. As the years pass, I worry that I will never be a match with anyone. What kind of girl would be interested in a loser like me, who does nothing, and has no friends or social life. It hurts me, inside, because I don't want to waste my life away like this. :( I am dissapointed in my life.


I hear you, I'm in a very similar situation myself.


Sucks doesn't it? I don't know what to do!



Mikey7236
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27 Jul 2009, 10:52 pm

I've only ever had one girlfriend, and she's online...but we've lasted pretty long (on and off for 3 years), since i was 12, which might be why i've only had one girlfriend lol...altho im glad, i much prefer just chatting to her online and over the phone than having to flirt with a girl face to face lol, i get so nervous and uncomfortable.

but some people dont count online, so if you dont, then nup..i really want to marry and have kids young though, so hopefully when we meet in four years time i'll be able to have that dream ^^


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jackdumpster
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28 Jul 2009, 1:05 am

Ever since I was 16 I've tried meeting girls online but 95% of the time it never worked out. Online relationships seem to be the only thing I can really handle. Man is this awful or what. I've known this girl for 4 years. I honestly don't know if we both can make it work or not. Not only are our distances far apart, but I think she has other things planned for her future that I don't. I am waiting for her to come back from vacation to start emailing me again and I worry that she may have found someone else. In my own neck of the woods, it seems I am un-noticed by females. Then again, maybe it's just because I don't put myself out there and instead stay hidden in the shadows of obscurity. Remember what they always say, "don't expect the girl of your dreams to come knocking on your door, with you sitting at home all day. Seek and ye shall find."

Over the next few years I really want to start building up enough confidence to be able to find someone.



Fintan29
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30 Jul 2009, 12:55 pm

I never will and I'm glad in a way.



L_Lawlliet
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06 Aug 2009, 4:44 pm

i have had only one boyfriend in all my life and he is an aspie too.... but since he broke up with me I feel i´m never getting a boyfriend again... i can't even have a online boyfriend.....


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Ikas90
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07 Aug 2009, 2:49 am

I'm not very good at "picking up chicks", but I'm not really bothered by it, as none of them are really looking for anything serious anyway. The best place for me is undoubtedly the internet. I've been in an internet relationship before, one which I maintained for just over a year, and getting to meet them in real life was one of the most amazing experiences I could ask for. It didn't work out in the end, though. But that won't stop me from getting involved in another internet relationship; it's probably the only place I will have luck. Then again, who knows. You can't exactly determine who you will fall in love with.


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Daishi
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10 Aug 2009, 4:53 am

i've only been in two relationships before, one two or three years ago and then another recently but that one was over the internet, i'm constantly looking for try to find the perfect (or as close to it as possible) person but lately nobody has really fit, i would love to be able to settle down with someone and have kids but whenever i get deep into reading i forget about that kind of thing and can just imagine settling down by myself in the country somewhere in ireland or somewhere green and read for the rest of my life and it doesn't seem that bad. This might just be a reaction to my inability to get a girlfriend, but it's not the worst reaction to have.


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