I had a horrible experience in public school, to the point that I'm afraid of it. I tense up everytime I pass a school building when I'm accompanying my mother on running errands, the sound of a school bus has the same reaction from me, and even I was trying to read a good novel but I found that I had to set it down several times because the main setting of the story was school.
Bad experiences in public school started very early in elementary but I didn't get pulled out of it untill 7th grade. Everything was going actually pretty good in elementary until I hit second grade. A...classmate apparentlly took the advantage that I was a very quiet and anti-social student and began to sexually harrass me behind the teachers' back. I have no idea why a second grade boy even would have such thoughts and even more so, be so sneaky and smart about it. The first thing that would come to mind if I heard of a second grade boy touching a girl in the same grade is that he's just curious. However he...was just too...smart about it. It's scary that though this boy wasn't even 10 years old yet, and could be as sly as a 16 year old. Well, I didn't open my mouth about it for a couple of reasons. I first, had no idea what this student's intensions were or what on earth was happening to me. (I didn't know anything about sex or sexual harrassment.) The second was, I hated drama even then, and I was never a tattle taler because, of course I was taught that it was wrong. So, it was scary when I finally told my classroom teacher....and my mom.
Sadly, hell still followed me into third grade. Instead of being harrassed by a fellow student, fate decided to turn things around and landed with me being harrassed by my teacher. Not sexually, thank God but it most certainly left scars deeper then second grade. Um, my third grade teacher was a young African American women who, so happened to be a very bitter racist person. Why a school would hire a racist teacher to teach students of multiple races I will never know, but she found out I had come from a non too race friendly area of my state and since I was white, she decided that I was a walking KKK doll. Now, I didn't even know racism existed. I mean, I was too young to understand not only sex, but a deep grudge between black and white people in the south. I was innocent and just accepted any color of any race, I beleive every child does this. But, I guess my teacher was blinded of that and took every chance to scold or humiliate me when she could. Like the student from second grade, my teacher took the advantage that I was very quiet and anti-social so I ended up being a walking dart board for her. Anyway, it got just so ridiculous with this women. I remember when I walked in line with my hands in my pocket, about to wash my hands for lunch when she got my attention. She looked at me like I was stupid and asked, "Why do you put your hands in your pocket?" and a mager habbit with her was interrupting me when I tried to speak. Like that moment. I lifted my shoulders in a shrug and was about to answer when she spat, "Act normal!" a shake of her head with the same god-your-so-dumb look on her face and walked off. Unlike the incedent with the 2nd grade student, I waited until the school year was completely over when I finally opened up when my mother and I were talking casually. It enraged her that I was being treated in that way but, since the school year was over, there was nothing she could do as far as justice goes. But even when I saw how angry mom was I still didn't understand how bad my situation was with that teacher. I just took it and kept quiet thinking it was just apart of life. To respect a teacher no matter what even if it makes you sick to get up in the morning. And I think that was an asperger's trait more then young age, really.
Well, I delt with two more major teacher bullying in elementary until I hit middle school where the asignments and students were the worst nightmare. It was still the core of hell. Actually it was in middle school that all of the pressure of asignments bad grades and a**hole students just was too much. I was pulled out and am in homeschooling. I like it. It takes the pressure off but my dad, my sister and unfortunanly even my best friend makes sure to make it hard for me. The constant questions "How's your schooling?" "What are you learning now?" "Are you still doing schooling?" "How far are you?" or the comments. "Math is insane in my class, you definantly couldn't handle it." "Your not really doing anything. You do nothing all day." and when I protest I get a sarcastic, "sure." "ok Bre." or rolled eyes. It makes me want to explode! But, besides the irritating people that think that the only way you can get an education is through public school, the pace is MUCH better. It's not as fast and I can explore.
I'm gonna end this comment. It's probably as big as a scyscraper. Oh, and I know words have little emotion but I'm serious when I say don't feel sympathy for me. I'm not "Facebooking" you could call it. You know, where people will insult themselves so others will disaggree with a complement. You know, when a girl posts a picture of herself and comments "I'm so ugly." and she'll sit there and expect someone to comment on the picture "No, your beautiful!" just bullcrap. No, I decided to share. If you care or not, I wanted to say it.
25 May 2010, 3:28 pm
