The funny thing is I was miserable at high school then at college I was feeling more confident and now I feel really lame. I feel incredibly morbid and I'm incapable of achieving my potential because I'm limited by out side influences.
I only see one way out of being miserable and that is to leave home and college then live this life were I can spend hours listening to and playing music until I become great and capable.
I've had alot of things that'll make me ruined (at least I think I do) my parents are split-up (they have been for some time, I think it's just harder to do anything without the full support from both parents), my brother is always in prison, I'm always getting mixed messages from my parents (such as ''Sam you more selfish than your father, you father is a selfish prick who is cruel... etc and also "Sam you can do really well" this really confusing when I do something good then I tell my mum she applauds me then in the same day I'm told I only do things for myself), my dad beat-up quite badly when I was four teen (I tell people this and it doesn't sink in, they don't seem to think of it as a dreadful thing, but it was without doubt the worst thing that ever happened to me), and a whole multitude of other things like people calling me things in the street like some chavs who call me everything from Marilyn Manson, Dog and Morrissey (odd combination I know, I used to wear make-up, I never really liked marilyn manson I owned one album of his).
Any way I just have a really lousy existence.