jaymannj wrote:
Im 17 and she still makes me check in every hour doesnt let me drive w/friends and is like afraid to let me ever go out.... like yea sumtimes i do stupid stuff and say stuff i shouldnt.... and yea i do things that i shouldnt as well but like every teenager does... ive held a job since i was 14 and havent gotten into trouble w/the law so wft... any ideas on how to approach my mother about starting to treat me my age... not like im 5...
Yes. At 17 you should not be driving with your friends. In California, a minor is not allowed to transport anyone under the age of 20 unless they have had their license for over 12 months, and this has greatly reduce the rate of car accidents and deaths.
One of the biggest mistakes that teenagers make when they confront their parents about feeling they are treated as young children, is....acting like young children when they do this.
They whine, they protest, they raise their voice, and they are usually quite emotional about it. They fail to acknowledge their parents point of view as valid and they generally have an overgrown tantrum about it, proving they are indeed worthy of being treated like small children.
You parents want some proof that you are emotionally mature enough and have the level of judgment that warrants them giving you more freedoms.
Do not demand all the freedoms you want at once. First I would approach your mother about having to check in every hour. I would say "Is it ok if I check in every two hours instead? Hours go buy quickly and I feel like I constantly have to watch the clock because I don't want to be late calling and worry you, and it's really stressful."
Hopefully she'll say yes, but if she doesn't...and this is very important, DO NOT THROW A TANTRUM. Don't even raise your voice. Don't get emotional at all. Just calmly say "Well I'm 17, I'd like the chance to show you that I'm mature enough that you can trust me because I'd like more freedom and I respect you enough not to go behind your back about it."
If she says "No" again, just say "Ok" and continue living by her rules, because she might just be testing you. When you turn 18 of course, you are theoretically allowed to do what you want but there are a lot of conditions that come with living at home.
I generally believe if one lives at home they should follow their parents rules as long as they aren't prohibitive of the person gaining independence from their parents.
I believe it is reasonable for parents to have their live at home adult children check in from time to time. I believe it's reasonable for the parents to know what time to expect them home. I believe it's reasonable for the parents to restrict who the person is allowed to invite over and forbid drugs, alcohol and smoking, as well as expect the person to adhere to house rules.
I believe it's unreasonable for the parents to dictate who the person can and cannot go out with and require a curfew in most (but not all instances).
01 Aug 2010, 5:18 pm
