Question for Kids with Aspergers.

Post Reply New Topic

Hey everybody-

Before my question here's a little back story- my oldest daughter, she turned 8 in May, was diagnosed with Asperger's this year. She is the oldest of 5 in our household. Her biological father and his girlfriend do not have any other children.

We've been trying to do everything we can for her, we've been reading the books, talking with a Psychologist, and enrolled her in a social skills group.

My question is, as a child/teen with Asperger's syndrome would you rather live most of your life with your mother and step father (she's known me her whole life and has always called me Dad as well) and 4 siblings or with your father and his girlfriend and no other children?

Recently, especially after spending time with them like on vacation, she has been having meltdowns saying she wants to be there because they let her do what she wants and there's no sisters. She does have areas in our house where she can go to have some quiet, but things are obviously more quiet there in general.

Any input you guys/girls could offer us would be amazing. We really want to do everything we can to help her out and make her life more enjoyable. We were hoping some first hand opinions would help all of us out.

Thanks so much!
Tom/Brittany for Jozlyn

From what you described of your daughter she seems a little more high functioning autistic than Aspergers (which is on the very top of the high functioning scale) Anyways most people with Aspergers are able to make it out and live on their own and as long as they respect others and try their hardest to learn social cues they should turn out all right I mean they will never be perfect but should be fine as long as you prepare them socially (just don't force anything upon them just let it go forward as naturally as possible)

Thanks for the reply!

My wife thinks that I may have written my question a little confusing. When I said, "Would you rather live most of your life..." I was vague. We have joint custody but are the custodial parents. What we were thinking about was switching so her father and his girlfriend were the custodial parents. We wouldn't go to court for it, but just let Jozlyn live there and she would have her visits here with us. Jozlyn is eight and it just seems that she's been having more and more difficulty dealing with things and she usually brings up the fact that there are so many people here and not that many at her other house.


Thanks again

I'm no longer a child, but I can tell you how I would have reacted at that age.

I was an only child until I was 9. There was such an age gap between me and my sister, we never really interacted a lot - by the time she was starting elementary school, I was in High School, so we only crossed paths in the hall at home, and that not often, as I lived in the attic.

However, had I had siblings near my own age, I have no doubt I would have gone insane. There probably would have been constant violence and uproar, unless everybody had their own room and didn't have to come out unless they wanted. Even then, just the sound of other kids playing and banging around in the house would have made me crazy.

Adjusting to and functioning in the real world was difficult enough without the constant presence of someone playing "I'm not touching you - I'm not touching you". Going over to my cousin's, house for a one-night sleepover on a Friday left me exhausted and cranky for the rest of the weekend - not because I didn't want to be there - just because the unconscious compensations for the lack of nonverbal comprehension wore me out mentally.

The more stimuli and social input we have to process, the higher our anxiety level. As youth, we sometimes pine for social contact, but it doesn't take much for us to get our fill, and then our cup runneth over - with stress.

That's why you see that in many cases, by middle age we're so jaded and cynical about human contact that we close ourselves off in our homes and refuse to come out or even answer the phone.

Five children? Of course I would want to live with less people as possible. My family has less children, but I am not even able to handle having everyone in the same room at one time. I find your question rather confusing though, because I don't have the same family set-up as you do... so I can't answer.

Yeah... I mean it is good for her to see her sisters at times but if you put her with them full time it probably won't turn out well. Pretty much everybody I know with Aspergers (me included) have always had issues with siblings because they don't tend to fully understand our differences and get fed up with us after a while and can turn pretty bad.

There are 8 children in my house. As long as there is a quiet place where I can be *mostly* alone, I'm usually okay. As for who you want your daughter to stay with... Do you really want her to be in a place where she can "do what ever she wants to"? Even if she may not like aspects of it as much, but it seems that your care is better.

Well, it depends on the situation, and the type of parenting your daughter would receive with each possibility. I have one sibling, and it drives me crazy, insane at times. If I was in your daughter's position, I would definitely want to be without siblings no matter what. I find one sibling in the house too chaotic, so for an 8 year old, keeping her in a house with 5 other kids is probably too much for her to handle. If she is without siblings, there probably won't be anywhere near as many meltdowns.

I would put her so there are no siblings for the time being, and as she grows older and more mature, she can start to learn that you have to be around people in life, it is one of those facts of life that you can't control. Make sure everything is paced well though. Some of us aspies experience traumatic and psychologically distressing symptoms associated with social interaction, as if socialisation is a disease, then end up staying home all day, being nocturnal, and other such efforts to close ourselves off from the society that has rejected us.

In short, put her with no siblings for the time being, then gradually see her adapt to being with others as she gets older.
I hope you find what advice you need here on WrongPlanet. I see you have only submitted 2 posts, impying that you are new to this site. Welcome to WrongPlanet!

I'm kind of in a hurry right now, so I can't make a very detailed post. From what I read, I think your daughter has Asperger's syndrome.

I'm kind of in a hurry right now, so I can't make a very detailed post. From what I read, I think your daughter has Asperger's syndrome.

I am almost 13 and I live with my uncle and two cousins since my dad is on the road all the time.

I am fine since they are 5 and 7 years older than me but times in the summer at our family cabin when I am around more cousins close to my age it gets really hard after a few days. My cousins I live with really understand my limits and protect me from people who do not but if I had to be around people closer to my own age every day and every night it would be very hard.

But when I was 8 things were different and for me the most important thing that helped me was being around a guardian who worked very hard to learn about Aspergers and help me over hurdles but also not letting me just run wild. He helped me learn to make the best i could out of situations affected by my condition and that was not always fun but i think it is important. There is more to life then taking the most comfortable possible choice.

If her other house is not going to be able to help her as much as where she is now that should be at least as much of a consideration as where she feels happy if the main reason she is happy is she in not ever put into situations where she has to learn to meet NTs half way. She might hate it now but as she gets older she will be grateful for good solid help she gets NOW.

Hope that makes sense.