What should parents expect of Aspie Teens?

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Hi, my name is Roland. I am an adult aspie who helps out with a support group for parents.

Recently I was told some of them are not sure what to expect when their children become teenagers, and wether they'll be like NT teenagers or different.

I wanted to hear from actual teenagers with asperger's syndrome: what unique issues do aspie teens face, what do they find helpful, and what issues faced by teenagers in general apply (or not) to aspie teens?


Also, I heard a claim that because of developmental delay, aspies go through some stages of adolescence later than NT. But is this correct and if so, how often does it happen?


Thank You in advance,

Roland

Hello Roland:

I'm not a teenager anymore but I certainly do remember that period of my life. My situation was probably a little different than most teens with AS (outlier among outliers) as I had home schooling at that point. I was also fairly maturing going into my teen years, as I had some responsibilities most teens don't. I wasn't a wild child but I did start to assert myself more. I developed the same curiosity of the world that most teens do, and I probably experienced emotions to the same degree, though I didn't put much weight on them, as I knew it would pass. I started to become more interested interested in music, fashion, and popular culture a little later than most teens....about around 17.

As a teen I was noticeably later maturing emotionally than peers, but I got really skilled at developing my special talents.

I am pretty emotional and easily upset right now. I also can't take ANYTHING with a "grain of salt". I interact very well with adults, OK with teenagers and not well with younger children at all.

I am also more at par with peers in terms of school. I used to be really good in English, getting A's and B's. In high school, I'm getting C+'s in it. Could of been how that teacher marked though, have to see this year.

I am almost 16 and female.

This is a post from a blog entry I wrote about my teenage years. I am going to paste that entry below. Hopefully, it proves to be of help.

For the most part, my teenage years was a time of bottled rage where I wished I could kill everyone I knew. There was an anger boiling inside of me and people were just an annoying waste of time. I couldn't understand why other teenagers acted stupid, talked about stupid things, and simply wasted their time. Yes, I was wasteful in terms of the things I did relating to my time spent, but at least the things I was doing would lead to a better future for both myself and humanity. At least, that's how I felt at the time.

A part of me wanted to be a human like everyone else. Another part of me wanted nothing to do with humanity. I felt as if humans still had much evolving to do. A part of me wanted to do teenage things, primarily date because I did feel lonely at times, but other than that being a teenager looked like the most idiotic thing on the planet. Who in their right mind would want to be a teenager? I wasn't going to be one of thosel. Hell No!

There was just no way it was possible for me to be human. No way! There had to be a mistake. I hoped that someday I would find out I was actually an advanced cyborg from the future or an alien that was disguised as a human.

At the time, I thought I know what I was doing. I had grandiose ideas, but no idea how to put them into action. Perhaps, my biggest flaw was my overwhelming obsession with Star Wars and addiction to Star Wars memorabilia. I must have spent several thousand dollars of my parents money just so I could get every variation of Jar Jar Binks toys in existence...in addition to the other Star Wars toys.

I didn't care about humanity. I cared about school. I knew school was important because I was told all my life that school was important. School led to greater achievements. At least that was what I believe until the later years of my teenage years where I got the idea that even some things schools couldn't teach. That if I were to achieve my dreams, that there was no school that addressed my needs because I was creating something new.

My teenage years were years of great vision. Years of being disconnected from my peers and for the most part not wanting to be connected to them. My teenage years was about me wanting a girlfriend but having no clue how to talk to a girl. And, it was also about being conflicted about wanting a girlfriend because such a thing would only interfere with what I was trying to do...Whatever I was trying to do...Because it was all in my head.

Also, my teenage years was about great violence. I used to beat up my brothers a lot because I felt overwhelming anger. Gradually, this violence rescinded as I realized I could kill them and all the other tormentors in my life. I started to mangle fruits. I would stab apples, oranges, peers, what have you with a knife. I would carve them like a brutal scene from one of the Saw movies. I would dice them up. Throw them to the ground and watch as they splattered and their juices flowed everywhere.

I was angry with the world, and I had no idea why. Nothing made sense.

But, today, I can look back on my teenage years and realize how much I have grown and learned about other people since then. If it weren't for my teenage years, I would not be the person I was today.

Reminds me of a quote by a (NT) English teacher of mine - "I loved my teenage years, but I would never return to them."

Im not actually a teen right now, but my teen yrs were not that far back. Yes for me there was definetly a developmental delay. For example, There were things that early teens normally experiance that I didnt experiance till I was 18-20. During my actual teen years I just didnt understand what was going on at all with my peers. I was super oblivious to everything around me. I was a loner, completely excluded(I had selective mutism) and very quiet. I didnt understand the things that teens did and why? Teens often go thru rebellious stages, I was very obedient, followed rules very precisely, worked very hard, got good grades, and didnt understand rebellion, I hit my rebellious stage when I was 18. I didnt give a crap about all this superficial things that many teens did. I was very much in my own little, heavily sheltered world. College was a huge wakeup call. Many of the things that teens go thru mentally, Im going thru now, and im 22.

To sum up: I was a super obedient, oblivious and sheltered.

And I dont know crap about being a parent: I would recogmend NOT TO SHELTER YOUR TEEN, guide them properly through these types of things. I see that you may wanna protect them but They will probably face certain issues sometime down the road whether its now or later. And they might not be able to deal with things properly when the time comes if you shelter them.

I stay inside all the time and go on the computer "too much" according to my mum.

Not a problem for me - I enjoy it. But, if my mum is anything to go by, it seems to be something parents hate.

The best advice I can give the parent of an Aspie teenager is to let your son or daughter do what makes him or her happy, and not to force them to socialise!

Well I can confirm the whole "late puberty" bit. I really only started to hit the real stuff around last year, when I was 16, when everyone else was done at 14.

I am a teenager now, and I don't really get all this stuff that other teens seem to do. For example, most of the girls in my school wear the uniform wrongly and make their skirts and ties as short as possible. I try to obey the rules and wear the uniform properly. I'm different from other teenagers becuase I don't rebel like they do.

I second this.

Also, I find some of them to be overdramatic.

Physically, I was an early developer, but mentally it took me a while to catch up. I was very naive, in comparison to my peers and was mocked for it (but, I took it as a joke and they started to treat it as one, with the occassional "You don't know that..." thrown in there). But, I did some research and I am now fairly knowlagable in a 'textbook' manner. I still have difficulty with 'getting' innuendo, though.

I am now 15, btw. I still lack interest in fashion and appearance. I don't like make-up because I find most of it to be irritating and/or itchy in addition to being unnecessary.

Depression, crying, outrage. These are the worst years of my life, and if I make it past them it will be a miracle. It certainly is not like the show Skins, if anybody has watched that. On the last two series there was a guy with AS on it, but even he got laid and had loads of friends .

Like froggo i dont wear makeup. I dont see the point of it and i also dont really care about my apperance. Like i want to look presentable and i do but I don tspend ages in fornt of the mirror and fixing my hair and stuff.

The teenage years are when some Aspies start trying to seem as normal as possible. Their social skills improve because they don't want to be seen as "weird." They start growing out of Asperger's Syndrome, all because of the desire to be "normal." However, other Aspie teens don't worry about being different. They act how they want to act.