Problems with a Girl

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Hello. I am new to these forums, so please bare with me. I am almost sixteen (7 days away) and I have been dating a girl for a few months. The problem is that I am not happy with the relationship. I know that I am lucky to be with someone, but I do not enjoy it. When she asked me out, I did not know how to tell her that I was not interested. So I said okay. I do not know if her actions are normal, but she seems overly invested to me. After four months of barely seeing each other she tells me she loves me. She writes me a note every day and insists on waiting by my locker and walking me to my class.

Here I must specify that I am a transgender teen (FTM). I am not out to many people, but she ignores my identity and that bothers me. What's more, I have told her that I am not out but she still engages in (very) public displays of affection which upsets me. This often gets me marked as a lesbian, which I am not. She seems to ignore my discomfort. She often harps on me for not being out and I am not happy. She asked me to prom (she is a senior), and, not knowing what to say, I said yes.

She also is very clingy. She is loud and self-absorbed ( I know I can be as well, but it is annoying in a relationship). She seems to have our (?) life planned out, and talks about moving to England and having children. I have made it clear I wish to do neither.

My problems:
1) I want to break up, but she is very invested and was my friend prior to 'going out.' I do not know how to break this off.
2) I strongly dislike being touched, but she is always hugging and kissing and touching me and holding my hand even when I (think) I make it clear that I do not want to do so. The PDA is obnoxious and has outed me to several people I did not wish to be outed to. I have not told her about the Asperger's.
3) She puts herself down a lot, and I know that being in a relationship helps her depression and confidence, but I still wish to part ways.

I hope this is not out of place but I was hoping to get other teens' advice on what to do. Thank you for your time.

Okay, here's one option, tell her 'I really think we need to cool it for a while' She might accept that, in which case you break up in stages. If it becomes an argument, you might say something like 'I just don't think it's going to work it' or 'This relationship is not working for me' and you break up then and there. So then, it's kind of her decision which way to take it, if she needs the stages, the stages are available.

As far as remaining friends after a romantic relationship, I'd only put that as one chance out of three, and then only if both people want to remain friends.

(as you see from my bio info, I'm quite a bit older. That's both good and bad. Please take whatever advice I offer with a grain of salt. And most of all, trust yourself! )

I have a few things to say here.

First, as you have found out, and other people here need to realize, being in a relationship does not equate to happiness if you are not compatible with the person.

Second, I think you should reconsider your perception that you are "lucky" to be with someone even though that person is clearly not the right person for you.. That you have this perception suggests to me that perhaps you have a bit of a low view of yourself, and feel you should be lucky that at least someone wants you. I think it's healthier to perceive yourself on more equal grounds with your partner. If you felt lucky to be with the right person, that is a different story.Most people feel lucky to be with the right person.

Third, not only is it ok to say no to someone when you are not interested in dating them, you have a moral obligation to be honest with them from the start and let them know you are not interested. Not doing so just makes things more difficult in the end. If you can't learn to be upfront about this, I think it is going to continue to be a problem. You are not going to be able to avoid provoking some negative feelings within the individual you are rejecting, but it's best to do it when the impact is the most minimal, which is, at the beginning. If you can't bring yourself to say no when you don't want to date someone, I think it's going to continue to pose problems in your life.

You really just need to tell this girl you have decided you just want to be friends. She'll probably get upset but that is life, and she'll get over it, probably within a few months at most.

I think you should tell her how you feel and the fact you might be autistic and as for the friends thing, it is hard and it usually ends poorly. If you must be friends then tell her you just want to be friends from there on.

You have the same birthday as me!! !

(Sorry, I just wanted to say that)

I have never been in a relationship, and I am straight, but I will give you my advice. You can take it or leave it, whatever, but you only have like 3 posts, and I want to try and help out.

I think that you should say it bluntly. Tell her first that you don't want her touching you and that she is invading your space. Tell her about how she and you used to be really good friends, but the relationship makes you feel uncomfortable. Tell her that you don't want to go to that level and that you understand that she has feelings for you. Tell her that though you understand her feelings, that she must understand your feelings that you dislike all the touchy-feely stuff and you are not ready for a relationship. Finally tell her that you want to put the relationship down, but still strengthen your friendship bond. Also that you will NOT continue this relationship, but will always be there for her if she wants to be friends and strengthen that relationship.

Hope this helps!

Thank you everyone. You were all very helpful. My girlfriend and I had a talk about what was bothering me, and we have agreed on a few 'rules' and made some compromises. I feel much better now, and she was actually very patient. I'm glad.