What to Do When an Aspie Has a Wrong Idea

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I have an aspie friend. Sometimes he gets ideas about things that don't mesh with reality, or simply aren't true. No amount of objective evidence will convince him otherwise. He may spend hours trying to convince me that something that is not true is true.

Reality is what he says it is.

This is particularly bad as relates to health issues, things that harm other people, and certain kinds of decision making.

If you are an aspie, and you are dead set on something, is there anything that can change your mind?

Logic helps me but what may help you with your friend is finding tangable evidence to support the truth.

If it's an idea that doesn't matter to you, using the words "Lets agree to differ on this" may help (it may cause an argument first though).

Last edited by LostAlien on 25 May 2010, 5:18 pm, edited 1 time in total.

If it's not harmful, then let him have his fantasies. However you need to be strict if his plans will harm someone. Just tell him straight out what effect his actions will have and distance yourself from him if he continues to act like this.

Absolutely not. Once I have made up my mind on something, I'm unmovable. No argument, persuasion, threat or bribe can change my mind.

I know plenty of NTs like this, as you must also. How do you deal with them?

I'm going to get slammed for this, but honestly, most of the NT's I know will listen to reason, facts, or cold hard logic.

Aspies...not so much.

I won't "slam" you, I promise.

RE "most of the NT's": They may "listen"--but do they "change" truly? Or just dupe you into believing so (perhaps to get you to go away in an NT-recognized manner) so they can resume their belief systems?

Also, are you certain that you are correct and they are wrong? Are you citing matters of axiomatic fact, or merely consensus that you perceive as fact? Perhaps this is the crux of the issue?

Alas, without some concrete examples, I'm stumped.

Or maybe the difference is how an aspie and an NT respond to what you say?

I react very directly and say very clearly "Not gonna happen, no way, jose!"

while my experience with NTs is that they often sound less convinced of their stance/more mellow but they don't change their view anymore than we do, they just don't neccesarily argue it so intensely as we might do.

If we're talking about moral or social situations, the sort of facts that might impress and convince an NT may not have the same effect on someone with AS, and vice versa. It's hard to say, though, without knowing what sort of issues you're trying to change his mind about.

Also, he has probably spent a lifetime having NTs tell him that his opinions, however well-thought-out, logical, and obvious they seem to him, are wrong, and is probably sick of it. If you consider the effects of constantly having to defend "reality" on a person's psyche, it's easier to understand why he would fight you to the death about it.

Specific examples?

"I won't get stds from sleeping around casually. Surely they would know."

This is from someone with a professional job and a superior range I.Q.

You did ask.

Perhaps suggesting for him to go to a clinic to get checked out may be a good idea? If he has been doing this he probably has at least one std by now, and that would prove him totally wrong (if you can somehow convince him to go).

But as for the OP's question...I'm an aspie, my mind can be changed. On something that can't be proven, like God(s), leave me to my opinion. But I'm really logical and black and white. I won't just listen to you say that you're right and I'm wrong. I'll need some walking through it, some examples, and maybe some further proof.

As for my NT friends? There is no changing their minds, lol....

Yes, it's a lot of fun arguing with an aspie. I have AS, and you should never argue with me because I will defend my idea until I can prove you wrong. Unless, however, you are fortunate to have good enough evidence for me to believe you.

Yes, and thank you.

I would inform the person of the time lag between infection and onset of symptoms for various STDs, such that a partner may be infected therein, yet be unaware of such.

If said person refuted basic axioms of biological function, I would conclude that his issues transcend those whch you have heretofore ascribed to AS.

Best wishes--and don't have sex with this person!

Thank you for giving me suggestions ---

The best advice I get here is 'I agree but I just feel different, nothing else'

coming from an AS guy, heres how i would argue with an AS guy:

although those with AS tend to be very stubborn, and he is the one at fault here, the best thing you can do is listen to, exactly why he thinks he wont get STD's from sleeping casualy, or applying to a general NT to AS argument here, ask him to clearly explain the logic of his beliefs, as people with AS may make an argument that is one sided or difficult to understand so doing this gets rid of the first problem.

second thing, once you are both sure you understand each other's logic, clearly point out where he is wrong. Although the best way to argue with him, or rather, to persuade him that he is wrong is to make sure he understands that you are trying to help him. if he thinks you are just trying to prove him wrong/argue with him for the sake of it (im not implying you are) then it is very unlikely that he will listen to you.

summerising the last two paragraphs; ask him to clearly explain his logic, and point out where he is wrong whilst making it clear that you are trying to help him so that he is more likely to open up to your advice.

I agree, aspies tend to be more stubborn, i know from my own and other aspies stubborness (although if someone has proved me wrong in factual terms i'll back down). But if you are both clear on each others advice and intentions, then you will likely achieve some progress.

this is just my hypothesis/experience speaking. I hope this helped you