"Bubble Wrapping" Parent
I'm 15 and I have Aspergers, ADHD, Rhaynords [Not sure if that how you spell it], Cerebal palsy, Dyspraxia [Not dyslexia] and im sur eI have another one.
My mum doesn't let me go out of the house at all, She shouts at me all the time If maybe I don't do everything she wants, Maybe I'm upset and I say something in a bad mood or i take awhike to get up.. It's jus tnot ot her standards.
My Brother is 17 and he only has Asthma, But he goes out ALL THE TIME!
He's allowed social networking sites and I'm not!
My borther doesnt get in trouble at all, If he does something wrong, mym mum just sighs and takes all the rubbish from my brother, I asked her why and she says that she "Doesn't want to get into an argument" Butt she argues with me all the time.
I'm frequently lonely and I'm not allowed to comunicate with my friends and I'm so so so sick of being with my Mum, I hate it so much. I need to be away from my house, it's small and my room is really really REALLY tiny, I can't move much, now I go to school for about 7 hours a day and that all the time I get away,
I'm asked all the time by friends if I can go to the cinema, Or bowling, I'm not even allowed to go to my Boyfriend's house [He came to my house but we we'rent allowed ot go upstairs]
I've been withoutside without parental supervision twice, once on a school trip when we got to go the the chippy with friends abd once when I saw the Justin Beiber film at the cinemas.
Most people don't believe me at all and they say "Hannah are you maing this up" Id just say "NO IM NOT!"
Its gotten to the point where I just really want to die, I've tried researching but I get scared so I dojn't do it and when the bell rings, i droop, because I have to go back home.
I only get to go on the laptop about 2 hours a day, Mum makes me do load sof work, I'm not to fussed, but then she leaves my brother just playing on his laptop for ages.
When I get sent to bed a 9pm everynight [early right?] he's still on his laptop at about half 10
I get kicked of the laptop about half 7.. which annoys me..
I want to scream at my mum STOP TREATING HIS LIKE A PRINCE AND LET ME BE MY OWN PERSON!
She doesnt let me do anything and let me do whatever I want, If we're wathcing TV and a dirty joke is made and I laugh she shouts and say it's not lady like.. Come on.. We're not posh.. we're a normal family.. we'll, money wise.. We're just dysfunional.. Please.. WHat should I do?
Love,
Hannah xx
I think you are thinking of Raynaud's. There is Raynaud's Disorder and Raynaud's Phenomena.
Anyway, parents generally are more apt to give their children more freedom when the kids demonstrate more maturity.
You are perfectly justified in feeling frustrated, and perhaps your mother is being unreasonable, but I think if you want to get more freedom, you are going to have to stop arguing with her and talk to her about how you feel in a calm, adult like manner. That means, no high voices, no loud voices, no "but it's not fair!" or "but (whoever) gets to (whatever)! !!". No, frantic begging or drama shows. No storming off or "I hate you"'s or "You never let me do anything!"'s
Approach your mother when she is not busy. Tell her you want to talk to her about something, and ask if it's a good time. Sit down and say "I know you worry about me a lot (because she does), and think I'm not responsible, but I get really depressed being so alone all the time and I wish you'd let me go out with my friends more."
You might even propose that she come with you if she likes. I know you probably find the thought of your mother tagging along with you mortifying, but it demonstrates to your mother transparency in your intentions.
If you don't get what you want, don't become argumentative or emotional. She might tell you no just to test you. If she does tell you know, you should take that opportunity to listen to her feedback and understand why she is telling you no.
Then you might calmly ask her under what conditions would she allow you to go out with your friends more.
You might also tell her that you want to demonstrate to her that you can be responsible and trustworthy and see what she says.
At no time should you break your cool or become emotional during this. If the conversation isn't working out, and she isn't receptive to it, allow it to end. Allow her to have the last word, and quietly leave the room.
My father bubble wrapped me, although I didn't call it that then, because they didn't have bubble wrap back then. I was born legally blind, and that was enough excuse for him, since he was paranoid anyway.
It didn't work out well...
If you aren't allowed to gradually learn responsiblity, then when you are finally legally an adult, you will lose your head and do stupid things just because you can. (I'm not accusing you; it isn't something you can help. It is the effect of being stifled in bubble wrap too long.) I know because I've been there, done that.
Try explaining this to your mother (or show her this post if you like; I don't know what you'd feel comfortable doing). If she is incapable of understanding how much long lasting harm she is doing you, there is only so much you can do right now, I'm sorry to say.
What I do suggest is that you at least try to keep in mind that the more desperate desire for freedom gets bottled up inside you, the more pressure there is going to be pushing you towards making choices you'll regret later. Again, I'm not saying this is your fault; it happened to me, and I know there wasn't a thing I could do about it. But the more you understand what is happening to you, the more you can try to watch out and at least limit the damage.
And, I'm sorry. I wish I had better to offer you. Too much stifling can all too easily shove you down a path which will destroy all or most of your life. The earlier you learn to make mistakes - and recover from them - the less severe the consequences of those mistakes will be. And as you get older, people expect that you'll "know better" - even if your parents never gave you the chance to learn. All of which is unfair, I know.
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AQ Test = 44 Aspie Quiz = 169 Aspie 33 NT EQ / SQ-R = Extreme Systematising
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Not all those who wander are lost.
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In the country of the blind, the one eyed man - would be diagnosed with a psychological disorder
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