Confessions of an Aspie Teen

Post Reply New Topic

Alright, heres the thread where we confess those secrets we keep hidden from society, meaning our parents,peers and whoever else you want to add to the list. My confession is that one time when i was 12 i took an onyx cross pendant and snapped it in half because i felt betrayed by god, i learned later that i wasnt though and i repaired it. and although i value compassion, and loving people for who they are no matter what more then anything else in the world, vengeance is also one of my strong values and when someone does something wrong to me, my biggest problem is always deciding on wether to act on the feelings of vengeance or forgiveness. what are your confessions?

I question whether or not I love my parents (and my brother), even though they've done a lot right. I can't even hug my dad. I am very sarcastic towards my parents and have said quite a few things wrong. Once I said (and I deeply regret it) that I only stay at home due to financial dependence and I wish that I could take that back if I ever get the chance. I said it out of spite because of my questioned relationships with my family. I read Rated M (sort of like Rated R) stories on a fan-fiction site in attempt to understand my developing sexuality (I'm pretty sure every teenager has a closeted thought like this), which only a few people IRL know about.

Despite not liking my father, we're alike in many ways. There are very few people who know this.

I'm just glad I didn't turn out the way he did.

Like many here, I've thought about suicide.

There are some days when I hate everyone and everything.

I am an attention hog.

^ Almost did it twice, I did. I guess that could be a confession as not too many people know just how bad things have been.

I don't really like the term confessions since that implies I'm unhappy about the secrets but the main ones are:

I wish I was dead (but won't do it due to the fear of pain in the act and because I want to see how Breaking Bad ends first).
I wish my parents were dead. I've told them multiple times and every time they laugh it off as a "phase" or a joking or something I just say in anger to upset them (when the truth is I have despised them consistently since I was six and feel pretty much terrified whenever I'm near them).
Whenever I finish university I plan to move as far away from my parents as I can and am going to sever all forms of communication with them after making it very clear that I will never contact them again and that when they die I won't be thinking of them for a second. All of which I'm sure sounds very sadistic but I cannot describe my absolute hatred towards them.
I think I might be gay but am not certain.
I really regret breaking a thermometer in science class almost three years ago. We were doing the second experiment in the course which required us to prepare a saturated cooper sulphate solution. My partner (who I only knew [and by knew I don't mean was friends with, I literally mean knew] for three weeks) would not go up and wash the test tube out so I left the thermometer on my desk (which was unsteady as only three legs touched the ground) and walked over to the sink when there was a very distinct sound of glass shattering. The teacher screamed "Who's was that? Who's thermometer broke?". I thought it wasn't mine for sure as it was steady in the centre of the desk when I left (as I didn't know the desk was unstable at this stage) but as I began to return to my desk I saw the thermometer gone and on the brink of bursting out in tears and anger (which I thankfully managed to conceal behid my absolute terror as according to people in my glass I was shaking and was absolutey petrified). Thankfully the teacher (who I really liked and still like) managed to see my absolute shock and didn't give me a punishment (which I'm glad she didn't as the memory is punishment enough).